losangelena Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I will give her until this evening to reply then Ill just give her a message saying I guess youre not interested then Mmm, don't say it like that. Makes you sound kinda sarcastic. I dunno, it sounds like you were a bit wound up before the date, had high expectations, and now that it's gone well, you're assuming that things will continue to go well, and because she's not holding up her end of the deal, so to speak, you're getting bitter over it. Generally speaking, I think it's wise to have extremely low expectation at the beginning, and to hold things with a very light hand. C'est la vie—who cares if it doesn't work out—that is a much healthier attitude than these mental gymnastics you're performing as you monitor her Tinder use. Ask her out again—with a specific date/time/place, and see if she bites. No more namby-pamby "let me know if you want to" kind of approach. If she doesn't bite, move on. 2
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Mmm, don't say it like that. Makes you sound kinda sarcastic. I dunno, it sounds like you were a bit wound up before the date, had high expectations, and now that it's gone well, you're assuming that things will continue to go well, and because she's not holding up her end of the deal, so to speak, you're getting bitter over it. Generally speaking, I think it's wise to have extremely low expectation at the beginning, and to hold things with a very light hand. C'est la vie—who cares if it doesn't work out—that is a much healthier attitude than these mental gymnastics you're performing as you monitor her Tinder use. Ask her out again—with a specific date/time/place, and see if she bites. No more namby-pamby "let me know if you want to" kind of approach. If she doesn't bite, move on. Wound up is defintley the way to put it. Its rare for me to find a girl that I click with and like the look of too. My plan is to text her later and word it similar to as you suggest.
RightThere Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Wound up is defintley the way to put it. Its rare for me to find a girl that I click with and like the look of too. My plan is to text her later and word it similar to as you suggest. If you haven't already, I just prefer to be straight up with the girl if I'm interested. You do end up putting yourself out there, but at least you will know if they are interested or not. No "If you want to". Just be totally upfront about what you think. I recently had a second date with a girl. I knew she was a bit sick, but I thought we had a great time. As soon as I dropped her off, no kiss and got a small hug and quick good-bye. First thought was "Ah this is going nowhere." But on the way home I decided to shoot her a text just so she knew exactly what I was thinking. So I sent: "I had a great time. I would definitely love to see you again." Instantly got back "So did I!" plus an explanation that she was insecure about being sick, etc. If I had gotten no response or something wishy washy, at least I knew where she stood. Anyways, date 5 is coming up! 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Good to hear some positives. I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. She replied straight away apologising saying she had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and had a hectic day in work so had forgotten to reply, she then said she's not free this weekend as she's going away and asked when I was going on my holiday (which isn't until next week) Wasn't the most positive of replies, and the forgotten to reply part irked me somewhat but at least it wasn't a no. She knows I'm free a couple of days this week now so let's see if she reaches out
myothernic2 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Good to hear some positives. I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. She replied straight away apologising saying she had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and had a hectic day in work so had forgotten to reply, she then said she's not free this weekend as she's going away and asked when I was going on my holiday (which isn't until next week) Wasn't the most positive of replies, and the forgotten to reply part irked me somewhat but at least it wasn't a no. She knows I'm free a couple of days this week now so let's see if she reaches out Honestly, I think you should mentally move on. Not looking good, very very lukewarm at best. Sorry, just keep your head up and keep trying
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Good to hear some positives. I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. She replied straight away apologising saying she had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and had a hectic day in work so had forgotten to reply, she then said she's not free this weekend as she's going away and asked when I was going on my holiday (which isn't until next week) Wasn't the most positive of replies, and the forgotten to reply part irked me somewhat but at least it wasn't a no. She knows I'm free a couple of days this week now so let's see if she reaches out Don't mean to give you hard time....but WHY did you text that? That just sounds so weak and whiny. Insecure. Big huge turn off for women. Women like confidence, come on you KNOW that! Even if you feel insecure, you contain, contain, contain. You should come across as confident, sure of yourself. Asking her that was anything but... Ugh. Agree with the previous poster...this ship has sailed. If it didn't sail before, it certainly did after you texted her that. Again, sorry to be harsh, but I am just wondering why you texted that....when losangelina advised against it and you agreed with her! Oh well... lesson learned for next time... 3
RightThere Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. *Face palm* Sorry, but I think this one is getting away and you just need to let it go. She is not really giving you anything, which is as good as "not really interested enough."
losangelena Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. Why did you do that? You just said you weren't going to do that!? Wasn't the most positive of replies, and the forgotten to reply part irked me somewhat but at least it wasn't a no. Of course it wasn't! Your way of asking almost guaranteed a response like this. Specific date/time/place. If she says she can't, let her offer up an alternative or forget about her. 4
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Why did you do that? You just said you weren't going to do that!? Of course it wasn't! Your way of asking almost guaranteed a response like this. Specific date/time/place. If she says she can't, let her offer up an alternative or forget about her. I agree with LA, but don't text her again (not that LA was suggesting you should.... - but just in case you were thinking about it). I really do think this one is done....these are suggestions for NEXT TIME, with the next girl. G'luck going forward, with the next girl. I would not count on her getting back to you....I could be wrong though. If I am, be strong, confident, even if you don't feel that way. Contain your anxieties, do not burden your dates with them. Like I said, huge turn off.
losangelena Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I agree with LA, but don't text her again (not that LA was suggesting you should.... - but just in case you were thinking about it). Yeah, no, I am definitely not suggesting you text her now, again. That's how I suggested you text her initially, I was just reiterating. I'm just flabbergasted, OP, that you said, essentially, "OK I'll take your suggestion and text her that way," and then went and did the exact opposite. Don't ever text a girl, "guess you don't want to see me again." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Ok here's the exact text "hey feeling better today? Do I take that as a no about meeting up? Winky face x" Is that really that bad?
Diezel Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You put her on a pedestal from the beginning. That's the truly bad part.
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Rko - one text a day or two after the date is fine, but you were constantly texting her looking for approval. You need to learn to build attraction. You also said she knew you were free for a couple of days this week...you're making yourself too available...and she shouldn't KNOW you're free for the next couple of days. In her mind she thinks you're sitting around waiting for her. Try being a little more mysterious. You're an open book, that's fine once you're in a relationship but in the early stages it's a huge turn off. I was like you in my early 20's, had to learn the hard way how to play the game.
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Ok here's the exact text "hey feeling better today? Do I take that as a no about meeting up? Winky face x" Is that really that bad? Yeah that's pretty bad... Ideally, you should not have texted her at all...and WAITED for her to return your text. It had only been ONE DAY. That's how it works. Frankly, you sounded anxious and needy, which is how you were feeling but you never want to convey that to a woman. Patience and confidence.... please DO NOT text her again. Edited August 24, 2015 by katiegrl 1
RightThere Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Ok here's the exact text "hey feeling better today? Do I take that as a no about meeting up? Winky face x" Is that really that bad? Yes. Yes it is. You are way too wishy washy, especially with someone who keeps blowing you off and being non-committal. If you asked already and she ignored, then she's just not that into you. And that is the whole purpose of Tinder. NEXT!
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Yes. Yes it is. You are way too wishy washy, especially with someone who keeps blowing you off and being non-committal. If you asked already and she ignored, then she's just not that into you. And that is the whole purpose of Tinder. NEXT! I think you may have had a chance, IF, after you texted her yesterday asking what day she was free, you left it alone and waited for her to respond. Even if it took her a week to respond.... you just go on with your life, dating others...and just wait. You would have gotten HER wondering if YOU lost interest, which is actually a good thing sometimes! Especially when they're acting wishy-washy, non-responsive, etc. You may have appeared too anxious (and needy) in her eyes (women - and men - can sense anxiety a mile away). Based on how you come across on this board sometimes, I would bet this is part of why she lost interest.... 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Ok, ok, ok. She replied and I said I'm free Thursday and Friday only this week if that worked for her. No reply. I will now not chase for anything back off her
katiegrl Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Ok, ok, ok. She replied and I said I'm free Thursday and Friday only this week if that worked for her. No reply. I will now not chase for anything back off her Did she reply again...after she sent the text earlier today? I'm confused. I text her asking how she was feeling today and hope she was better then I said do I take it you don't want to see me again wonky face. She replied straight away apologising saying she had fallen asleep yesterday afternoon and had a hectic day in work so had forgotten to reply, she then said she's not free this weekend as she's going away and asked when I was going on my holiday (which isn't until next week) 1
Lansing Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You are putting too much effort into this. You shouldn't be so dependant on the outcome. If you are so anxious/excited/etc that means that you aren't going on enough dates. Just forget about this girl and move on. 2
RightThere Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Ok, ok, ok. She replied and I said I'm free Thursday and Friday only this week if that worked for her. No reply. I will now not chase for anything back off her Yes. Just pretend she won't get back to you, because I'm getting the feeling she won't. 1
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Sometimes a person builds someone up in their own mind, into the image of the person they want/need that person to be, rather than discovering the person as they actually are. This is projection in the form of idealisation. It is also the projection of hope; in which the object of the projection almost becomes a messiah figure, an agent of redemption, someone who makes things right for the one projecting. Someone who makes life worth living. What usually follows is crushing disappointment. The healthy alternative is: Learn to love the ordinary. Ordinary is good.
Imajerk17 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Ok, ok, ok. She replied and I said I'm free Thursday and Friday only this week if that worked for her. No reply. I will now not chase for anything back off her This is just getting stupid now. Stop with these silly tests and games! Reply and reply this evening. Say "Thursday at 8 then. I will pick you up." Then change the subject and ask her how she is feeling.
katiegrl Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 This is just getting stupid now. Stop with these silly tests and games! Reply and reply this evening. Say "Thursday at 8 then. I will pick you up." Then change the subject and ask her how she is feeling. Read his post again. HE was the one who said he was available Thursday and Friday. Not HER. >>"She replied and I said I'm free Thursday and Friday only this week if that worked for her." SHE hasn't responded, and if I had to take a wild guess, she won't.
Author Rko28 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Sometimes a person builds someone up in their own mind, into the image of the person they want/need that person to be, rather than discovering the person as they actually are. This is projection in the form of idealisation. It is also the projection of hope; in which the object of the projection almost becomes a messiah figure, an agent of redemption, someone who makes things right for the one projecting. Someone who makes life worth living. What usually follows is crushing disappointment. The healthy alternative is: Learn to love the ordinary. Ordinary is good. I think you might have hit the nail on the head here. Ok to cover a few points over these past few points: She replied instantly when I said "do I take that as a no about meeting up again ;)" saying she wasn't free this coming weekend and asked when I'm away on holiday. I replied a little later told her I go Monday, and I asked about her weekend plans and if she was excited. She replied again telling me about her day and asking about mine, this was when I offered her the 2 days to meet up and no reply. Not going on enough dates? Maybe, without sounding arrogant I could have a date every night if I wanted but it does take something special in someone to make me want to meet them. It doesn't come along often. So sure she might not reply, question is should I ask our mutual friend if she knows anything or just leave it? 1
lino Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Don't know how this tinder crap works but from your interactions with the girl, I don't think she's interested.
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