Rko28 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I have a tinder date friday night, i was surprised I matched with her, shes beautiful without being fake about it, natural I think is the right word to describe her. We've only been talking since saturday and found out we had a mutual friend that i work with. She as our mutual friend about me and apparently she gave me a glowing CV. Shes nice, in to very similar things as I am, has good morals etc basically from this point she looks like a good match. Im really excited about meeting her, you know like when youve been waiting for someone like this for a long time. Ive been in this position before, I let my excitement get to me, I get invested quickly, so much so ive basically stopped replying to other girls on tinder. I havent even been on it since we swapped numbers. Any tips on how to take this slow before i go in all guns blazing and ruin what potentially could be something good? 1
David2772 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) The problem is, you see her as SPECIAL, when she's given you no reason to do so. It makes you seem desperate and low status, no offense. The way to change that, is to know you have the ability to date countless women like her. If you want to succeed with Tinder, OKC, etc. you can't do what everyone else is doing. You have to actually innovate and set yourself apart! For example: the algorithm they use? Not exactly fair. But there are ways to GAME THE SYSTEM in order to optimize things in your favor.. Edited August 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed external link. ~T
Author Rko28 Posted August 20, 2015 Author Posted August 20, 2015 was hoping for a better reply than a spam one
BlueIris Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Im really excited about meeting her, you know like when youve been waiting for someone like this for a long time. Ive been in this position before, I let my excitement get to me, I get invested quickly, so much so ive basically stopped replying to other girls on tinder. I havent even been on it since we swapped numbers. Any tips on how to take this slow before i go in all guns blazing and ruin what potentially could be something good? Realize that you don’t know HER yet. That will take time. Therefore, you’re building up expectations rooted in your own dreams and wishes rather than learning about her and being open to who she really is. If you do it a lot, it can become an expectation/ disappointment cycle or pedestal/ gutter cycle. But it’s all in the imagination. Go into dates open to learning about people rather than hoping and expecting that they’ll be something you want or imagine. It will be so much easier on all involved. I hope you have a good time. 6
RightThere Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 Any tips on how to take this slow before i go in all guns blazing and ruin what potentially could be something good? Make sure you focus the date on her and ask lots of questions about her. That will (1) make your date feel like you really are interested in her and (2) give you a much better idea of the real her I probably fit a similar fault you do in that I've had a Tinder date recently that I'm just blown away at how amazing she is. Now I'm not going to totally play it cool as though "ya baby, maybe I'm interested in you, maybe not" but you can't blow your load on day one. I've just been focusing on my new girl as a day by day basis. After our first date, I literally texted her right after and said I had a great time and definitely wanted to go on another date. That way there were no games, but not giving her baby names we should use either. 2
oberkeat Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) The problem is, you see her as SPECIAL, when she's given you no reason to do so. It makes you seem desperate and low status, no offense. I agree with this portion. OP, what jumps out at me from your post is you seem way too invested in this woman whom you haven't even met, and that's setting yourself up for huge disappointment. You may meet and she turns out to be nothing like you expected, or she might be turned off by your eagerness, or she may flake two hours before your date. You need to cool your engines. Edited August 20, 2015 by oberkeat 2
sunshine2 Posted August 20, 2015 Posted August 20, 2015 I would relax and just go with the thought in mind that you are meeting someone new who you could or could not be interested in. Its just a first meeting/date, there shoud be no expectations. You might show up and think wow, she is NOT what I thought she would be or she may do the same. Slow your roll... LOL 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 Thanks everyone for your advice. I spent a good 4 hours with her on our date last night and had a real nice time, I fancied her the minute I saw her and she came across as a lovely girl, interesting, deep and not a bimbo type girl at all. We had a nice time and walked out of the bar at the end of the night, she only lives 3 doors away from the bar so declined me to walk her home but she came to see my car so she would know it for "next time" I said on the spot that I'd like to see her again and she said she would love to, it was then a little awkward as I mumbled away about having a nice night etc then I gave her a kiss goodnight on the cheek....which then turned into a full on kiss which we did for a fair few minutes. A good first date, she text me first today too to see how my day was going, we are having bad storms today here tho so signal is terrible 5
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Thanks everyone for your advice. I spent a good 4 hours with her on our date last night and had a real nice time, I fancied her the minute I saw her and she came across as a lovely girl, interesting, deep and not a bimbo type girl at all. We had a nice time and walked out of the bar at the end of the night, she only lives 3 doors away from the bar so declined me to walk her home but she came to see my car so she would know it for "next time" I said on the spot that I'd like to see her again and she said she would love to, it was then a little awkward as I mumbled away about having a nice night etc then I gave her a kiss goodnight on the cheek....which then turned into a full on kiss which we did for a fair few minutes. A good first date, she text me first today too to see how my day was going, we are having bad storms today here tho so signal is terrible Looks like you passed the *car* test....lol Glad you had a nice time ....keep us posted! :bunny:
Author Rko28 Posted August 22, 2015 Author Posted August 22, 2015 Looks like you passed the *car* test....lol Glad you had a nice time ....keep us posted! :bunny: Haha that's the thing we didn't even get to my car haha. Thank you I'm sure I will.
Author Rko28 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Well my anxiety has kicked in and been in overdrive today. I know this isn't right or healthy but barely heard off her today, this past week we've pretty much swapped texts throughout each day but yesterday and today barely anything. The storm and her being busy yesterday was fine but today's been odd, I reached out and text and she replied quickly saying she didn't feel too good after going out night before, swapt 2 more, quick replies but then when I asked what day works for her this week to meet up again, nothing back. That was 7 hours ago. I know I shouldn't have but I checked tinder and she had been on it today and stopped going on it pretty much soon as I text and not been on since. I keep telling myself I've known her one week, I've had just one date, but I feel like something is up and she's not interested even though Friday was such a great first date.
menyou Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 You just need to relax. She said she didn't feel well. Don't freak out yet. People can go for days without contact and they survive. 2
Author Rko28 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 You just need to relax. She said she didn't feel well. Don't freak out yet. People can go for days without contact and they survive. I know and you're right but I've never been that hungover I couldn't reply to a message seeing if I still wanted to go out with someone.
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) I admit, I winced a bit when I read the title of this thread. I thought you were looking too far ahead. This goes DOUBLE as when you started this thread you hadn't even met her yet. It's not real at least until you've actually set up that SECOND date. Many first dates that seemingly went great don't lead to any more dates. That said, I think you should continue to operate under the assumption that it's good. Text her say tomorrow and ask how she is feeling. Edited August 23, 2015 by Imajerk17 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I admit, I winced a bit when I read the title of this thread. It's not real at least until you've actually set up that SECOND date. Many first dates that seemingly went great don't lead to any more dates. That said, I think you should continue to operate under the assumption that it's good. Text her say tomorrow and ask how she is feeling. If we hadn't have kissed then I do t think I'd be like this, she instigated it and clearly enjoyed it. I personally wouldn't kiss someone that I wouldn't want to see again. I'll give her until tomorrow evening to reply then message as you've suggested but should i mention the 2nd date again? I mean I've asked when she's free AND if she actually wants to or not.
Imajerk17 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Just text her asking how she is feeling. If she responds back then depending on her response set up the second date. Meanwhile don't ever again put in "if you want to" in your invitations. It suggests a lack of confidence. I don't think it's a big deal that you put that in this last text, but don't do that again. 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Just text her asking how she is feeling. If she responds back then depending on her response set up the second date. Meanwhile don't ever again put in "if you want to" in your invitations. It suggests a lack of confidence. I don't think it's a big deal that you put that in this last text, but don't do that again. I thought that as soon as I sent it tbh. I just was trying to assertain if she said yes to the next date to be polite etc.
losangelena Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I know and you're right but I've never been that hungover I couldn't reply to a message seeing if I still wanted to go out with someone. Ha! You're lucky ... if her hangover is anything like the worst ones I've had, they get worse as the day goes on and finally subside in the eveningtime. She could easily be sleeping, vomiting, writhing in agony. At this moment she probably wants to die. If we hadn't have kissed then I do t think I'd be like this, she instigated it and clearly enjoyed it. I personally wouldn't kiss someone that I wouldn't want to see again. Again, I have (jeez, aren't I painting a great little picture of myself ), but what's different here is that she initiated it. I think in all the times I snogged someone I wasn't really interested in, it was more of a go-with-the-flow kinda thing, never self-initiated. Caveat being, people are free to change their minds. I've definitely had guys kiss me who I never heard from again, or had second thoughts, so ... there's some food for thought. Meanwhile don't ever again put in "if you want to" in your invitations. It suggests a lack of confidence. I don't think it's a big deal that you put that in this last text, but don't do that again. Totally agree. It's best to be assertive (not pushy, assertive), because people respect you more for it. Good luck, OP. I hope you do hear from her again. 1
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Ha! You're lucky ... if her hangover is anything like the worst ones I've had, they get worse as the day goes on and finally subside in the eveningtime. She could easily be sleeping, vomiting, writhing in agony. At this moment she probably wants to die. Again, I have (jeez, aren't I painting a great little picture of myself ), but what's different here is that she initiated it. I think in all the times I snogged someone I wasn't really interested in, it was more of a go-with-the-flow kinda thing, never self-initiated. Caveat being, people are free to change their minds. I've definitely had guys kiss me who I never heard from again, or had second thoughts, so ... there's some food for thought. Totally agree. It's best to be assertive (not pushy, assertive), because people respect you more for it. Good luck, OP. I hope you do hear from her again. Thank you for this post, its put my mind at rest somewhat. Ive come in to work today and told a few of my friends here about the date, they wanted to see what she looks like so ive shown them her pics on tinder, she still hasnt been online since yesterday afternoon so at least i know its unlikely im getting blanked. could be a million reasons why. I just need to learn how to control this anxiety. I only get it with girls that I like and as has been said already, its quite possible ive built up someone in my head that she isnt. EDIT: Shes been on tinder a lot this morning Edited August 24, 2015 by Rko28
Justanaverageguy Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I just need to learn how to control this anxiety. I only get it with girls that I like and as has been said already, its quite possible ive built up someone in my head that she isnt. EDIT: Shes been on tinder a lot this morning Yes but for you to know that ..... you were on there a lot too. Maybe she is thinking exactly the same thing that you are. Why is he constantly on tinder this morning when we had a great date Friday ? This is the problem with over thinking things and second guessing yourself. You start acting in a completely different manner to what got you the date in the first place and why the date went well in the first place. Relax, breath. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Let things happen - if its meant to be its meant to be so why waste energy stressing about it.
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Yes but for you to know that ..... you were on there a lot too. Maybe she is thinking exactly the same thing that you are. Why is he constantly on tinder this morning when we had a great date Friday ? This is the problem with over thinking things and second guessing yourself. You start acting in a completely different manner to what got you the date in the first place and why the date went well in the first place. Relax, breath. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Let things happen - if its meant to be its meant to be so why waste energy stressing about it. I understand what you are saying here but why has she not just replied to my text setting up the 2nd date? I will give her until this evening to reply then Ill just give her a message saying I guess youre not interested then
Jaggerz Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 to be fair tinder has been good to me, i kinda know what to look out for, eg whos there for an ego boost etc. Having mutual friends was a big factor i think as we both then had an idea of what we were like. I dunno. Maybe I am too fast about judging Tinder but my first impression isn't too great. How long have you been on it? As to stay on topic, please don't make yourself depend on her... I can certainly relate, you don't want to be alone and you feel like this is a great opportunity to get something good going. But it seems too early to feel excited.
Author Rko28 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 I dunno. Maybe I am too fast about judging Tinder but my first impression isn't too great. How long have you been on it? As to stay on topic, please don't make yourself depend on her... I can certainly relate, you don't want to be alone and you feel like this is a great opportunity to get something good going. But it seems too early to feel excited. think this is my 3rd stint, about 2 weeks so far with about 100ish matches, majority dont reply or fizzle out and thats what makes it even better when you find a good one. Yes I know, its the same advice id be giving too, I know im acting crazy here, i just wish i could stop winding myself up so much.
joseb Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Wow. I am surprised you actually got a date from Tinder. OK, I've only been on tinder for a few days, but it has been very slow so far. A few matches that were just bots, one that looked for 'just friends', one that didn't even reply and deleted me after the initial greet and one that I got matched with that also didn't respond. It just seems like the girls on tinder are shallow, not even talking to you but just judging you on your looks. They always talk about wanting this guy who wants them for their inner beauty and yadda yadda yadda but in real life they just want the guy with the six pack. /rant What are you saying to them in messages though? Remember girls will get a lot of matches and messages. "Hey whats up" is unlikely to get a response
Jaggerz Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 What are you saying to them in messages though? Remember girls will get a lot of matches and messages. "Hey whats up" is unlikely to get a response I understand, that's why I try to respond to things they put in the description or something I think is cool on their photos. The very first one did respond, but she was looking for friends, not for a real date. Most of it has been bots (always active 0 minutes ago) or simply no response at all. I don't understand why they even swipe me right if they don't actually want to respond. Guess I will give it a week or so and if it stays like this just remove it. Not here to give someone an ego boost and have it only go 1 way.
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