Lolax91 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I'm having a hard time with mixed signals from a guy I have been seeing recently. Some background, I have known this guy for a few years and I'm sure we both have had a mutual crush, but we happened to both be in relationships. I broke up with my bf earlier this year and he saw his chance and took it. We hung out every weekend for the past few months. I would stay with him either one or two nights and everything was going great! I've met most of his friends, his family, even his mom and step dad. His friends girlfriend talked about how much he doesn't shut up about me, and all that good stuff. Had no reason to think this was headed in a bad direction! The beginning of this month I went on a business trip so I didn't get to see him for that week. We had planed to spend the weekend I got back together. He had plans Friday so I was going to go over his house Saturday. Well Friday he tells me that he totally forgot he had a friends birthday he had to go to and we couldn't see eachother that weekend. It was a small get-away trip, so I understood. I was sad, but things happen and it was the first time he did this to me. All that week though he seemed distant. We usually texted in the morning, night, and at least one of us called eachother. I was trying not to over think it, which I'm sure I still did, but he just seemed off. He also found out some medical problems that week and is taking some pain killers in the mean time, so that may be part of the reason. He didn't ask me to come out this past weekend, which again was weird. I called him Friday and he was in pain so he took his meds and went right to sleep. I intended on asking him Saturday if I could see him, but more bad news happened! His family friend died, so I sent him my condolences, and let him know I was only a car ride away. Obviously a hard time but I understand his family needs him there. So that being this weekend, he has steadily become more and more distant. I texted him Sunday morning and didn't text him at night. I didn't text him Monday morning either, and he did end up texting me later on. We talked shortly on the phone Monday also. Yesteday I texted him in the afternoon, he was having a crappy day so I was trying to be cute and cheer him up and he ignored me. I asked him later if he was OK, and he basically said he sure hopes so,we chatted a bit and it ended on him not texting me back again. Today he has a procedure, and I am not really sure what to do at this point? Do I text him hoping everything goes ok, or just not say anything? I don't want him to think I don't care, but I also want to give him space as it seems that's what he needs. I wanted to talk to him tomorrow about this and how I feel but I am not sure if I really should? It sucks to be ignored and pushed away, especially after everything was going so good. I just find it odd that he would let me meet everyone close to him, and then push me away like this. I really like this guy and even if he doesn't like me back I would still want to end things on good terms. Thanks in advance for any advice!
Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Sounds like he's got a lot going on and is not well. Cut the guy a break. If so, then I'm not sure what the issue is other than him not responding to your text messages to your satisfaction. Do you trust him? Why are jumping from maybe I should give him space to wanting to end things on good terms? 2
Author Lolax91 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I do trust him, and I think my over thinking things is just making this more complicated then it should be. I've just never really dealt with a situation like this, so I am not sure how to handle it. Part of me thinks he just wants space and then the other over thinking things part thinks he isn't interested. I would rather him just be upfront with me.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Don't we all wish people would be upfront with us! He's being grouchy and not without reason, he's not a happy camper. Show him you understand him by giving him some space and then when things are back to normal showing you understand his behavior by being the girlfriend you want to be rather than the over-thinker.
angel.eyes Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Sorry, but I think he's pulling a fade on you at this point. It's been a month of excuses, no effort, and little communication unless YOU initiate. Trust your intuition, which is telling you he's becoming distant and has lost interest. You might choose to end things differently when you lose interest, but this appears to be his way with you. He'll keep at it until you either get the message or give up trying and break up with him out of frustration. Text him wishing him well on his procedure, then stop initiating. ....We had planed to spend the weekend I got back together. He had plans Friday so I was going to go over his house Saturday. Well Friday he tells me that he totally forgot he had a friends birthday he had to go to and we couldn't see eachother that weekend. It was a small get-away trip, so I understood... He didn't ask me to come out this past weekend, which again was weird...Yesteday I texted him in the afternoon, he was having a crappy day so I was trying to be cute and cheer him up and he ignored me. I asked him later if he was OK, and he basically said he sure hopes so,we chatted a bit and it ended on him not texting me back again.
angel.eyes Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 FWIW, I'm guessing an ex is back in the picture or he met someone, and has been focusing his attention elsewhere for the past month. If you weren't so invested, I would tell you to offer to accompany him to his procedure and watch him squirm or get angry about something so that you don't feel right about going. He's picked the types of excuses that make you look like a total tool if you question them even though his other actions tell you that you should. Were you guys exclusive? Sorry you're experiencing this.
Strahatmak Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Sorry, but I think he's pulling a fade on you at this point. It's been a month of excuses, no effort, and little communication unless YOU initiate. Trust your intuition, which is telling you he's becoming distant and has lost interest. You might choose to end things differently when you lose interest, but this appears to be his way with you. He'll keep at it until you either get the message or give up trying and break up with him out of frustration. Text him wishing him well on his procedure, then stop initiating. I somehow agree. The only thing you can do now is in the bold text. Even if you want to talk to him, he might as well give you another excuse. I am not an expert in dating; I only judge things by experience and things written in this forum. I do believe if a date is really into you or has such an intention, he will do more to let you know, and you will find the whole dating thing is effortless and with no guessing games. Second, I learned to treat a date just like a casual friend. In that way, I can be myself and have less worry. The less sincere ones will be automatically filtered out to my life, while the better guys will come forth. There is no way for you or us to: guess what he is actually thinking now; make him put more effort on you; control him to come back to you. So stop worrying about the things you have no control... I understand it is difficult, though stop worrying about him and move on is the only thing you can control here. You have done your part to care him. Stop initiating further. Downgrade him to a causal friend - you won't expect a causal friend to message you frequently, right? If he misses you, he will come back to you.
kendahke Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Don't discount how pain makes you not want to be around people who you perceive are crowding your space--and they call it "being concerned". He's taking pain killers, he's having a procedure done, a friend has just died---I don't think I would be good company, either, if all of this was jumping on my head. Just step back and go about your life til this mess going on with him has run its course. I think it's the pain medication that's zapped his desire to put forth the effort right now. Hopefully, the surgery will correct whatever it is that required the pain medication in the first place.
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