Author Electrogrrl Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 Well, after thinking a lot about the situation at hand (thanks again to everyone who posted-I needed the insight), I had completely decided to change my hair. However I noticed that the more I thought about it, the more anger I felt and the more anger I felt, the more resentment I felt--I have this problem with being too over accomodating and when that happens I get angry for not setting up boundaries and sticking to them...this is bad, I know. Especially because yesterday was bf's birthday and I was taking him out to dinner. I tried my hardest to let it go, but he could tell I was upset when we met up to go to the restaurant. At first I didn't want to say anything cause I didn't want to get into an argument on his birthday, but eventually he dragged it out of me. He told me he had been doing a lot of thinking and he knew that the way he had reacted to the situation was wrong and apologized. He also said he wanted to start fresh and right and I told him that unless he got help for his problems then I didn't see our relationship working out. And here is the shocker: he actually agreed to get help! We ended up having a really great time at dinner, without any fighting or discussions about my hair. I hope he is serious about getting help though. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. Hopefully we can get past this bump in the road.
Pocky Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 While his approach left something to be desired, his dislike of your hair color seems acceptable to me. I like my husbands hair cut a certain way and when he doesn't tell the hair stylist how to cut it the way I like it I get a little peeved at him. We're to the point now where I join him when he gets his haircut so the cut is the way I like it. He doesn't care how it's cut, so maybe that's the difference here, but in my opinion, I'm th one staring at him all day, he should consider what I find attractive.
RecordProducer Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 If she would repeat something that his mother was saying over and over or if she smelled exactly the same (like LB's dad's example - it's proven that smell digs memories very deep) it would be more understandable. It's not a problem for this girl to change her hair color, it's just that she suspects that he might be hiding very strong aggressive emotions against women overall because of his mother. Traumas affect everyone differently. And no one suggested that she should leave him; just to open her eyes wide and make him seek professional help. It's a big issue that can ruin his personality. It's true that it's beyond his will and control, but after all, this girl is not his social worker and it's not her life's mission to put up with a traumatized BF's sh*t her whole life, while he doesn't even want to try and do anything about it. It's not her fault either. It's his mother's fault.
tokyo Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Electrogrrl, I'm glad he decided to do the first steps to fight his problems. That's really great.
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