Gaeta Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I've realized last night that every time I was on a first date and the man spontaneously gave me a speech about not being looking for casual sex well, he was looking just for that. I've realized that after spending 3 hours on a first date last night where the guy devoted all his time talking about how serious he was and then..... grabbed my @ss in the parking lot and offered we end this somewhere else. I am thinking back to different men I met. All those that gave me the ' I am not looking for sex' turned out players. I called a male friend on my way back home and he said Gaeta: If a man uses the words: I am looking for a relationship - you keep and explore. If a man says: I am not looking for fun or for sex - you dump If a man uses the word 'sex' or any other word referring to sex like 'fun' in ANY context, even if it's in a sentence like 'I am not looking for sex' - you dump. Really?
PegNosePete Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Yeah, I'd agree with that. Those who are not just looking for sex do not need to say it. It should be obvious from their actions. Same goes for honesty, and many other traits too. An honest person does not need to say "I am not a liar". 2
Author Gaeta Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I always thought that someone that needs to specify he's not a cheater was actually a cheater. So the same principal would apply to all other statements. 1
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 If a man uses the words: I am looking for a relationship - you keep and explore. If a man says: I am not looking for fun or for sex - you dump If a man uses the word 'sex' or any other word referring to sex like 'fun' in ANY context, even if it's in a sentence like 'I am not looking for sex' - you dump. I agree with the first two but don't with the third, sex is part of a relationship and talk about sex and it being fun should be part of getting to know someone... just not on a first date. When I dated I was basically relationship oriented and didn't date to just have sex but have had many conversations about sex with people I was dating, if I had gotten dumped for mentioning sex or a word referring to sex then I would never have gotten married since much of my humor revolves around that. I think it shouldn't be hard to figure out if a guy wants sex.. just assume we all do and go from there, most women do too... What you have to figure out is if the guy is going to use you and do a pump and dump or something similar and honestly I don't think you can figure it all out.. Listen to your gut, if a guy seems a bit too interested in only your body then he isn't the one for you but if the guy is engaging to you in conversation and the date but tries to get something other than a hug after the date then setting your boundary and going on a second or third date is in order.
Author Gaeta Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 He just sent me a good morning email saying he misses me already and would have loved to woke up in my arms. I think it's safe to classify him as a player. Anyone differs?
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 He just sent me a good morning email saying he misses me already and would have loved to woke up in my arms. I think it's safe to classify him as a player. Anyone differs? You said he grabbed your butt and wanted to finish the date somewhere else and now he wants to be in your arms when you wake up, I wouldn't say player but he thinks he is trying to romance your panties off for sure... He also thinks it must be working if he is still trying since you haven't shut him down.. Lay him out with his own words, that he is looking for a relationship and not sex yet he has had sex in the forefront the entire time and see what he says.
PegNosePete Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 He's either a player or an idiot. Or both. 1
Toodaloo Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Gaeta I personally think this bloke is a prat. I don't know if he is a nasty prat or a great prat. But he is a prat. I am inclined to say ignore the sex talk. Divert conversation back to normal topics when he mentions it. Find out what he is passionate about (other than shagging) and get him talking about that. If after a second date you are still not keen walk away. I think this one is just trying too hard to be all things at once rather than just himself.
elaine567 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I think if you employed a person and all they seemed to talk about is how they would never steal from you, you would probably sack them for being untrustworthy... Re sex - There is a thing called subtlety and appropriateness. A 17 year old boy can be somewhat excused for being unsubtle re sex, his hormones are raging and he often hasn't learned how to do decorum yet. A 40+ man has NO excuse, if he hasn't learned to button it and play a good game without putting his foot in it or being uncouth, common and coarse then he is not worth bothering about. Even the filthiest joke can be hilarious if told in the right way, it is all about presentation. Of course some women love bawdiness, crudity, crassness and even gross disrespect for women in general, and I sure the uncouth approach is not without its merits in attracting such women, but I doubt that would work with Gaeta here.
Author Gaeta Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I did what Art Critic suggested. Lets see. Also before heading to our meeting l gave him my phone number. He got back to me not with his phone number but with his email address. I wish l could catch them before a first meeting. I wasted my evening on this guy.
DivorcedDad123 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 saying he misses me already and would have loved to woke up in my arms. One date and ass grabbing aside, what kinda man talks like this? This is something I'd expect a woman to say. A clingy woman...
Toodaloo Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 saying he misses me already and would have loved to woke up in my arms. One date and ass grabbing aside, what kinda man talks like this? This is something I'd expect a woman to say. A clingy woman... Which is why I think this bloke is a bit confused and is trying to be something other than himself... He seems a bit all over the place and its making him very clumsy in his approaches... He wants to be romantic, he wants to be sexual and flirty but has absolutely no clue how to go about it... that is the impression I get anyway.
rester Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Am I the only one that finds ass-grabbing to be completely inappropriate with someone that she has not yet been sexual with? I'm surprised a second date would be entertained AT ALL after that. I would never consider grabbing a woman's ass on a date. There are plenty more respectful and effective ways to show sexual attraction. 1
Author Gaeta Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 So he replied: you are absolutly right. I am sorry. I will attempt to regain control of myself. Notice how he did not offer his phone # after l pointed it out to him in my reply.
losangelena Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't waste any more time/thought/energy on this guy. Say bye-bye.
GemmaUK Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I've realized last night that every time I was on a first date and the man spontaneously gave me a speech about not being looking for casual sex well, he was looking just for that. I've realized that after spending 3 hours on a first date last night where the guy devoted all his time talking about how serious he was and then..... grabbed my @ss in the parking lot and offered we end this somewhere else. I am thinking back to different men I met. All those that gave me the ' I am not looking for sex' turned out players. I called a male friend on my way back home and he said Gaeta: If a man uses the words: I am looking for a relationship - you keep and explore. If a man says: I am not looking for fun or for sex - you dump If a man uses the word 'sex' or any other word referring to sex like 'fun' in ANY context, even if it's in a sentence like 'I am not looking for sex' - you dump. Really? I agree completely with all of this. I've sat here and thought about what the beginnings of my good relationships were..tough day at work today so good to get my mind off what tomorrow is destined to be Lol! So have a few bits to add... I don't tend to have the 'what are you looking for' conversation for a little while - it's never first meet material. It's something that either comes later or becomes a natural progression. On just two occasions the natural progression has been pushed by them way too fast (eg 'wish I had woken up in your arms' Which is both sexual but also clingy) one I stopped seeing once I realised he was a nut, the other you will have read about on here. I will add something as well - I don't date the ones who tell me they are nice guys or genuine guys - there should be no need to even state this and the ones I have dated who said this were not - not a bit. This guy you are talking about could have and should have gently touched your waist and could have said he wanted to see you again soon and would call you. But nope, he grabbed your butt and suggested sex. The moment sex is mentioned in emails or texts and if it's before a meet or on/right after then the guy I just ignore the guy. They will usually come back asking what happened or figuring it out themselves and apologise for their behaviour. I will give a guy another go if he susses it himself but not if he is clueless. If they sussed it but do it once more that soon in then that's a no go for me. I am the one to initiate touching (touching arms etc in public or sitting closer and next to his left side and touching shoulders - if I am getting a good vibe obviously) and I often initiate a kiss too (could be a kiss on the cheek in thanks for a drink when I have been to the ladies or something even or not a kiss and just a stroke of his upper arm or shoulder when I walk past back to my seat/spot). But it's all about if I actually want to. If I don't want to kiss him then I don't even if he tries. I don't reciprocate touches if I don't want to. I pull away. I recall I met a guy, he looked in shape in his pics and we got on well, we only chatted a couple of evenings and decided to meet. I walked in the venue (he came to my town) and I walked in, couldn't see him but a guy at the bar looked at me. I walked around a little and actually walked past him 3 times and then headed out of the door as he wasn't there. I had been in text contact with him and said I would be late and apologised right before we were meeting but I figured he had gone home). So, as I was leaving this guys calls out my name and I look at him and realise he is the guy but he has acquired an extra several stone in weight since his 8 pictures were taken. He got me a drink and we sat down (btw I will say for anyone reading we went round for round - he bought then I bought). The first thing he blurted out was that he had been having an affair with a married woman for 3 years and she and her hubby moved to Singapore for hubby's work. my date moved to SG too. Hubby found out about the affair, kicked his wife out and he and his now gf lived together for 3 months and she left him. This was all in 10 minutes - my drink did go down quite fast...I damn well necked it! (Toods will understand this terminology! *cough*. I already knew at this point that he wasn't his photo. he had no issue with dating marrieds and cheating so he wasn't on my radar at all. I suggested we move seats to a sofa. I became more flirty - just to try it and see where it led. He went into a big conversation about conspiracy theories and after 45 mins of it I said it was really boring. He did admit he bores people so it was a kinda joke but also an opportunity to change the subject. I had also quit any flirty type attempts after just one arm and one shoulder touch. So, we popped outside for a cigarette, we ended up talking about convenience stores being open late as he needed cigarettes. So I said about how we had only just very recently had such stores open in my town, grocery stores close at 8pm, everything else at 5.30pm..blah.. From outta nowhere...seriously NOWHERE he said 'I'm rampant, I love lots of sex!' All I can think now is that he was thinking late night condom opportunity?? Lol! I just said 'Oh...OK..' He went over the road to get cigs and we had a normal convo until we left... He wanted to walk me home but I said I was fine thank you and I also said sorry but thanks for a good night but that I didn't think we were compatible. He then asked to come back to mine for sex. I declined. He text me 8am the next day being real sweet saying he liked me a lot and would love to see me again... I replied 5 hours later saying sorry but I wasn't interested and wished him well. 2
RightThere Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 No guy on planet earth is ever "Not looking for sex" We may be looking to get into a long term relationship, but we're looking for a long term relationship with sex. We may be looking for nothing serious, but we're looking for nothing serious with sex included. We may be looking just to meet some cool people, but we're looking for cool people we could possibly have sex with. If that question comes up, I always answer with "obviously I'm interested in sex, but I'm also interested in ............" But in terms of scoping out the "players" beforehand by what they say, us guys are pretty good at hiding how high our douche-bag meter goes. 2
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