outdated Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Why does my ex continue to text me when she says she has no intentions of getting back together. I am basically NC, an occasional "what's up?" and it's all good. I don't find myself healing any slower. It's just agrivating. I did what I could to heal a solid relationship that her baggage sent out the door. She left me! I'm not over her, but the thought doesn't frighten me like it used to. I have to avoid the thought of messing with her head! Is she having second thoughts? Is there a way I should broache the issue, or just keep on keeping on?
Merin Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Keep on Keeping on.. She Text's you just to make sure you're still crazy about her.. how lame is that!? Don't give her ANY messages in return.. that will speak for ya
Author outdated Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Normally, I agree completely with you Merin, there's no doubt about that. But she just isn't that kind of girl. Her messages are short, but relatively sweet, and as I reply, they become sweeter. I don't reply with much. A "yes" or whatever. Just answer the question and move on. I guess I'm secretly wishing she wants me back, but in the end, she probably doesn't or we wouldn't still be having this conversation. It's only been two months since we broke up, and shorter on the basic NC. We haven't talked on the phone voice to voice in weeks. Sometimes they come around. Sometimes.
whirlwindlove Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I am going with the cliche answer" We are human, and are doomed to make mistakes" I am going through this, and I say hear what she has to say. It sad to me, when people realize what they lost, and make a huge effort to change for the better. They only wish they could have the chance to show it to the person that means the most. Or the one they lost. In reality, we hardly are given the opportunity. Personally, I lost someone, and if given the opportunity, I would show them world in a whole new light. I think people have to forgive, and let go of resentment, or doesn't work. If you have love for her, go for it! This world is hard enough, and having someone witness your life is priceless.
Author outdated Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Wow, now I don't know what the hell to do. I do love her, but I don't want to chase my tail. I think I need to back off just a little bit more and see if her intentions are honest. If she truly has had a change of heart, that won't disappear in a couple of days. Like I said, i do respond, but I don't talk about "us" or what's going on in my life. I'd rather it be a mystery.
whirlwindlove Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Think about this, everyone loves thought of someone loving them, and when they find someone who really does love them; it is a powerful thing. My guess is, she left, and realizes what she left. She is now texting you to see if you really love her still. Seeing how you are being vague, she won't jump and tell you how she feels, until she is confident on what your thinking. She doesn't want to look like a fool, in case it is too late. This could go on, and on. So find some courage and tell her how you still feel, and be blunt. That way, either way you can move on with a clear head, or turn into a head game thing. Where both parties don't know whats going on? What if you both feel the same way, and could be together, but know one will say how they really feel.
Author outdated Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Once again, great advice from the LS. Thank you whirlwind, I am a romantic too. But I just don't want to go back to square one if she pulls the same bs she did when I was trying to win her back initially. She has said, a month or so ago that she does not want me in her life. So i stopped trying to be and now it seems like I was wrong. Maybe the time of VERY limited contact has given her some breathing room and time to think. She's still not exactly jumping me, and doesn't make any effort to actually see me, but we're both very busy and she is very stubborn. I don't know. I need another sign. I can't talk or message her for a while... I don't want to get my hopes up.
whirlwindlove Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I must say that I agree, that if you truely love someone, it won't just disappear. Only you know what what you had with her. Sounds like you want her to try and win you this time. I think maybe you then you feel she is sincere if she wooed back. I am a firm believer that it is never too late. My advice would be don't play so coy that you hurt yourself in the end.
xxsilverdragonxx Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I'm almost in the same situation you are, just add about 5 months to your break. I would like have the chance to talk to my ex without one of us being protected by the walls we both put up. My advice to you: If she meant anything to you, not just the word love, but if youre a smart guy, then you should be able to tell how things are going, even if you are separated. And, being its only been 2 months since your break, send her a hook, a small one, and if she gives you the slightest little bite, go for it all the way, and don't worry about messing things up, they will always turn out the way they are supposed to. If she doesn't return anything, then continue to keep her at a distance. It sounds like you may have a chance to reconcile, but don't rush or wait too long. You choose the time and stick with it. Remember, you are in complete control of your life right now.
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Help Silverdragon- what do you mean by hook? I don't want to sound desperate.
theone44 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by outdated Help Silverdragon- what do you mean by hook? I don't want to sound desperate. What siliverdragon is saying.......just give her a little bit.then back off to see how she will take it. I hope that will help..
st8toftheheart Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 I don't know. I know you said she isn't that type of girl that would lead you on just to make sure you're still crazy about her, but she may be doing that, but not in a vindictaive way. I mean, if she truly cared for you, then it would be difficult for her to deal with seeing you with someone else. Especially if she has no one. You don't want to wait around until she finds somebody else to find out all along that she was doing this just to help her own insecurities. I'd be blunt. Tell her you get the feeling maybe you two should try and work things out. If her answers is still no, then move on buddy. You're not being paid to be here therapist.
Author outdated Posted May 15, 2005 Author Posted May 15, 2005 Just a fun little update- She texted me again and told me that she will never be over us, and she hates what she's done. Of course she promptly tells me that this is the way it has to be. This is about the fiftieth time she's told me this. Never have I asked, so it seems to me like she's too busy convincing herself that she's right to ever come to her senses. Anywho, I was doing so good at NC. Especially since we've been seeing others... Now I am truly confused. Well, I guess it makes sense to me. I mean, two people that love eachother and will never be truly over each other not together. Yeah, ladies, I understand.
st8toftheheart Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by outdated She texted me again and told me that she will never be over us, and she hates what she's done. Of course she promptly tells me that this is the way it has to be. Buddy, this tells me that she is trying to keep you from moving on. You're her backup plan in the event she goofed it. This is unhealthy. Again, I don't think she's doen it out of spite, but here insecurity may be trying to keep you close. I wouldn't want to wait for the rest of my life seeing is she comes back.
Author outdated Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 Amen to that brother. Last night I got my first great night's sleep. I'm using her contact as positive, not a negative. She knows i'm moving on without her, and quite frankly I think it drives her nuts. She walked out of a good thing, and it was nothing that I did. There were women before her, there are women now, and there will be women later. If she ever wants to come back, it's on my terms, and that's all there is to it.
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