sparkle222 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 i've posted a few times about this--a situation with an ex that has made me unhappy and permeated a lot of my life. we don't speak anymore but our last encounter made me really unhappy and uncomfortable. every time i saw him up until then he would remind me that we're only friends and that either he's in love with someone else or single but not interested in me (but will drop a hint about this or that mutual acquaintance and say that he doesn't know how he'll feel in the future but maybe he'll date this girl or that girl). when i get blue he'll just get annoyed and leave, saying that he doesn't feel welcome in my presence or whatever. he'll put down anything i say, especially 'intellectually' (whether it's my ideas, achievements, etc), while bragging to me and/or arguing his own points (he loves intellectual discussion). he'll blame me for his not having female friends (he doesn't do as well with guys) or really any friends at all and blame me for his general 'misery' (as he puts it) when i know for a fact these friends dislike him for reasons completely unrelated to our breakup. i can make non-stop friendship effort and then he'll just make some snide comment (because he knows me well he has a lot of ammo) and ruin it all. he's also accused me of some really vile things--jokingly, i think/hope, but they still made me feel really weird. all i remember from our rs is him complaining a lot about pretty girls who did better than him and more laddish guys whom he 'wasn't like'. essentially, he's spent our rs and post-breakup 'friendship' driving me crazy emotionally because of his personal insecurities and depressing emotions although on paper he's actually been succeeding really well (which is even more frustrating because i feel like i've been bearing the brunt of his personal issues for him at my own expense). he seems to think that i want only the worst for him, that my goal in life is to seek endless revenge, which isn't true at all, i'm just incredibly hurt by the way things have ended up and lash out when his patronising snide ways get to be too much. (and it stresses me out because if i couldn't handle that rs then will i ever manage one again etc) after two years of this i just lost it and let loose a slew of mean comments and he now refuses to speak to me (which tbh i'm just fine with). i don't find i can stay calm around him because he has a history of unsettling me at the worst possible moments. what really upsets me about this is that because i made a lot of stupid mistakes in the rs (i didn't make it public on fbk or anything bc the age difference is a bit awkward) and ended it i feel permanently guilty and concerned for him and hate myself (because on paper he's a good catch and we got along when we were dating) even though i know i'm an idiot to think this way. i haven't found anyone since which i know is also part of the problem. i know he's moved on so it's pathetic that i haven't. a couple people have independently said to me that he might be on the spectrum (i.e. aspergers) which could explain why he's generally just really insensitive/a bit strange--does his behaviour (wanting to be friends and using me as an emotional dumping ground) sound normal?
almond Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 You really need to stop torturing yourself and letting this guy use you for company. The only solution here is to go NC, and stay that way. The reason you're not over him yet is because you are still in frequent contact with him. Zero contact, and be firm about this. Stick to it 100%. Tell him no more contact, ever, so you can heal and move on. Don't drag notifying him out - a short, simple and emotionless text only. Block his number immediately after that and all of his social media accounts. Time to get back your own life. You're going to become a shell of yourself if you keep up with this for much longer. Be strong and do what you need to do. 1
Author sparkle222 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Posted August 21, 2015 thanks.. good to hear. i'm not crazy right? he's purposely being a selfish douche and using me at his own convenience because he has no one else/because it's funny to wind me up/to make himself feel better about himself? guys like this make me despair--i want a normal happy rs and i'm good looking/nice/intelligent/well-brought-up/do generally well and yet to be constantly told i'm not worthy of him/a mean person/not that intelligent/unsuccessful/awkward/etc is like getting my head bashed in over and over again. this weird competition he's instantiated between us (competing over exams, sig others, etc) has made me so sensitive and destroyed my self-esteem, i can't take the slightest jibe from anyone else now without completely overreacting and taking it incredibly personally and he's convinced me i'm both stupid and that no one will ever love me. it doesn't make any sense either, he's one of the aggressive attention-seeking types and i'm much shyer. i just need to hear that this isn't in my head, it's bullying
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