cantare Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) I met a woman 8 months ago who is 18 years old than I. At first, we started to be just friends with benefits exclusively, meaning that no sleeping around with others, unless we met someone special and wanted to date them. I had warned her from the beginning that the relationship wouldn't go further than just friends with benefits because of the age difference and that one I day I'd want to raise a family. She had 2 boys and couldn't get pregnant anymore. She agreed with me. I'm a nice person, and I do nice things. We got a long really well. Everything between us was great. 3 months into the relationship, she started to fall for me... she never said anything, but I felt it because she became nicer than before, and did lots of sweet things for me, but I didn't have the same feelings. Long story short, I started to fall for her as well, because she was extremely sweet and nice... plus the fact that we got along well. I started to fall for her 5 weeks ago, and that's when I also became super nice. I became super romantic to her, which I'm sure made her fall for me even harder. One day I freaked out and met up with her, told her that I was falling for her. Told her that we had to end the relationship, because the longer we continued, the more it would hurt both of us when we'd break up. That is when she admitted that she had fell in love with me a few months back. She didn't want to end the relationship but she had no other choice. Said she knew a day like that would come. She said she thought I'd meet someone else and end it then. After a few hours, I got text messages from her that she was crying and so on... I was missing her a lot so we ended seeing each other again for 3 more weeks. Let me make this clear that I did not miss her for sex or anything, I actually missed her because I had feelings for her! This time both of us got closer than before until a few days ago.... I freaked out again, because I knew one day this relationship would come to an end, and one of us would get hurt really bad, but also knew the sooner the better so emotions won't keep growing... This time I was serious, I told her how great she was and how much I cared for her, but the timing was just off by nature. I asked her to respect my decision and to not text me anymore. She wanted to stay friends on FB, but I told her I had to block her because I knew I'd miss her and look at her profile which would make things worse for me. She also understood that. I told her I might add her one day when feelings kind of go away, but I don't really know. For some reason I am feeling guilty.... I really like her, but I'm in my mid 20s and I'm being realistic. I am really sad and depressed. I miss her alotttttt. I feel guilty because she wasn't okay with ending the relationship, but I wanted to end it. She went in her car and cried, which made me reallly sad, and couldn't sleep for a night. Her bday is coming up in 3 weeks, do I text her happy birthday or NO ? I don't want her to think that I'm an a-hole and forgot about her bday, or I'm just being rude since the break up was for a positive purpose, but at the same time don't want her to think that I'm trying to get back. Don't want to risk myself texting her back and forth. She bought me a gift for my bday. So I'm confused on whether to wish her a happy bday and buy her a gift or not do anything at all. Edited August 19, 2015 by cantare
La.Primavera Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I understand your good intentions wanting to wish her a happy birthday in three weeks but you do run the possibility of getting her hopes up again only to be crushed. Unless you are having second thoughts and want her back in your life then it might be best to leave it. It's a shame you couldn't make it work. 2
seasickpeeve Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Thats difficult because you obviously care for her and got on great. If I was her I'd like a birthday text to know I was cared about and it wasn't just sex, but at three weeks it is interfering with her break up process. I think I would leave it for a good while and only ever get back in touch if you thought you could have a good friendship from this but it would have to be when your feelings and hers have gone. Until then, you always run the risk of ending up in bed together. You're just gonna have to feel like the bad guy for awhile. 1
quattrob Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Tc, this is the price you pay for doing fwbs, these kinds of relationships can turn out bad and i have no respect for. Sex is not just for pleasure, its an act of love between 2 people who love each other. Anything other than that you're going to regret and feel guilty about if you have any sane mind and integrity. You care about her but the best thing you can do for her is truly disappear. Sending her any messages only prolongs her pain. I know its tough for you but like I said you're paying the price now, learn from it or if you want to keep doing fwb with others learn to accept that you're going to hurt others and yourself. You better be ok with it or dont do it at all. 1
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