lauri Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) It's been 2 years. Some of you have been on this forum long enough to know my story, know what I went through and how she came crawling back to only play games. I will never take her back. NC has helped me protect myself and I haven't spoke to her in over a year - last time we spoke was me pretty much hearing her out because she kept messaging me / showing up at my house for over a year to get me to respond. Today, she sent me a text message: Hey Lauri, I just wanted to say that I'm leaving in two weeks to move back with my family. It was really nice knowing you and I wish you nothing but the best. You have been nothing but good to me and I appreciate everything youve done for me. Be safe and take care of yourself and your family The reason why I am posting right now is I'm so conflicted. I don't even know why. I haven't responded and nor do I intend on it. But am I being rediculous at this point? Her message is confusing because we haven't really spoke since broke up, was NC for 1 year followed by brief communication then back to NC for another year. I don't even know why her message bothers me. All I see on her message is manipulation. I don't know if this breakup has made me into someone that is skeptical about everything or if my gut is right. What is your opinions? Am I out to lunch this time? I feel people outside of my situation can see things a lot clearer than I can. Edited August 18, 2015 by lauri
casey.lives Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 why is he saying bye again??! does he think it's good to keep being told bye over and over again. sounds like he's just wants to be nice but.. good for him. tell him to take care and have a nice life - AGAIN!!!
Satu Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 She sent it so that she could feel better about herself. 3
Oregon_Dude Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 That message is utterly meaningless. Don't even let it bother you, especially if you haven't talked in a year. 4
Diezel Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Na na na na... na na na na... hey hey goodbye. 4
casey.lives Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 however, it seems like a childish attempt at something .. and can be sad because you can't work with it, at all.. :/ 2
movingonnow1 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 why is he saying bye again??! does he think it's good to keep being told bye over and over again. sounds like he's just wants to be nice but.. good for him. tell him to take care and have a nice life - AGAIN!!! I don't agree with this. I don't think him responding at all will do any good. Best is for him to not respond and let her "live her wonderful life" without him. She sent it so that she could feel better about herself. This I agree with. She is just making a childish attempt to get back in to get Lauri's attention. To be fair, I see why you're kind of conflicted. You don't want to be the "bad guy" and not say anything to someone who is leaving forever. But truth be told, would you see her again if she stayed in your city? I think it makes no difference where she is in the world.
Author lauri Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 I guess what I'm conflicted about is if I should respond or not. I can see I'm being silly by even being affected by this but I cannot deny and ignore how I am feeling right now.
Oregon_Dude Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Translation: "I'm moving on to bigger and better things! You're still stuck there, thinking about me! See you later, sucker!" 1
Diezel Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Why would you respond? That's exactly what she wants. Nothing would speak louder than silence. 1
Chi townD Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Today, she sent me a text message: Hey Lauri, I just wanted to say that I'm leaving in two weeks to move back with my family. It was really nice knowing you and I wish you nothing but the best. You have been nothing but good to me and I appreciate everything youve done for me. Be safe and take care of yourself and your family The reason why I am posting right now is I'm so conflicted. I don't even know why. I haven't responded and nor do I intend on it. But am I being rediculous at this point? Her message is confusing because we haven't really spoke since broke up, was NC for 1 year followed by brief communication then back to NC for another year. I don't even know why her message bothers me. Because of the finality of it. She will truly be gone. That's a case of extreme closure. Because the chances of you ever running into her again in your lifetime are astronomical. 3
DJOkawari Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Had a similar situation two months ago, an ex from years ago whom I was very close with, was moving from the area we grew up in to about 8 hours away and messaged me to tell me about that. The conclusion? We went to coffee to chat, and established that we're both happy in our lives and we are friends again. I'll definitely get a drink with her if we're near each other again. Not trying to say that this is your situation but everyone has such a negative interpretation, remember there are positive things in the world. Goodbye is goodbye. For my ex, she expressed how she always wanted to talk to me again but kept putting it off and it seemed like we would have many opportunities but now that she was moving it was her last chance. Maybe it is something like that...
Author lauri Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Because of the finality of it. She will truly be gone. That's a case of extreme closure. Because the chances of you ever running into her again in your lifetime are astronomical. You're right. So what do I do? Not seeing her again probably isn't a bad thing but the whole concept of this actually being final - forever - is kind of giving me a lot of mixed feelings. Perhaps it's the same for her too on some levels.
Diezel Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 There's nothing you can do. She's leaving. Let it go.
Jamesearl Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 You're right. So what do I do? Not seeing her again probably isn't a bad thing but the whole concept of this actually being final - forever - is kind of giving me a lot of mixed feelings. Perhaps it's the same for her too on some levels. If you respond there are two options. You enter dialog with them or you hear nothing back. How would either make you feel? Do they help you become happy?
dumbass2 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 "I will never take her back" That is you finality. It's been a long time. Let her go. It was selfish to send something like that after all that time. It probably made her feel good about doing it because maybe she knew she was leaving and felt she didn't treat you all that well. If you respond, you will relieve her of any guilt she might be feeling. To me, that's all that was. It was all about her and not about you at all. Please do not respond and that will send the strongest message to her that you have moved on. Let her go on without your forgiveness. You said she played games. Don't give her one last ego stroke. She is gone and moving away. Nothing you could or should want to do. 2
lolablue17 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Now, when it's final that she's leaving, it pulls out some feelings in her heart, just like what's happening in your heart right now. She' leaving for good, shortly. Why don't you do what your gut tells you? Just do as you feel, without exhausting your mind with high level math calculations and assumptions? Your past is part of your life. Even the bad things. Can you realise that there were also good things with her? Why should you let only the bad memories to control your state of mind? 2
Itspointless Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 You're right. So what do I do? Not seeing her again probably isn't a bad thing but the whole concept of this actually being final - forever - is kind of giving me a lot of mixed feelings. Perhaps it's the same for her too on some levels. If it is final, why don't you say goodbye? It already does make you feel conflicted. Then saying a final goodbye doesn't make it worse, but perhaps better. Good luck with what you decide. 2
seasickpeeve Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I'm not so cynical to automatically assume the text is manipulative or selfish. Beyond being an ex who hurt you she is just a normal person I assume. Unless she was really an awful person during/after the relationship I just see it as someone saying goodbye to someone that was obviously important to them, is still on their mind to some extent and who they haven't gained complete closure from. It doesn't need a reply though - not if it's going to cause you any more upset. A quick 'goodbye, good luck' would be enough and could help with your own closure. But if it feels too vulnerable to reply then just don't. It's not worth rocking your boat for. It doesn't sound like you trust her or yourself to have any sort of contact and thats okay. It won't make you a lesser person or anything to ignore it. 1
dumbass2 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I now tend to agree with the last two posters. If you want to say a short final goodbye as well, without going too further into it, then do it for yourself if you fell the need. Like they said, as long as it is for you and ONLY as long as you do not expect to hear another word from her again. If you send it and will be expecting a reply, then I don't think I would. If you can send it and be at peace with that, then do what you feel. Mirror what she sent you. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't send anything. What would be the point exactly? It's still affecting you on some level if you're posting about it, so I'd let it die. If you weren't conflicted, then maybe a short note wishing her the best would be cool. But if this is causing this type of tension, I don't think that responding to her would work out well for you. 2
movingonnow1 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't send anything. What would be the point exactly? It's still affecting you on some level if you're posting about it, so I'd let it die. If you weren't conflicted, then maybe a short note wishing her the best would be cool. But if this is causing this type of tension, I don't think that responding to her would work out well for you. I agree with this post. There is nothing to benefit from messaging her back. With that said, I re-read his story to get some insight of why he may be a bit shaky right now. They did long distance for one year (he was in Asia), he got offered a full time position in a really good company there. She was begging for him to come home, so finally he quit his job and he went to visit her family in the middle east on the way back. They were pressuring her to marry Lauri. When he landed back in Canada, his ex girlfriend didn't come see him on the same night. Instead, the day later she showed up, broke up with him saying she "wants to be single" and then he went NC right away. Pretty much she was planning the breakup for a good 3 to 4 months before he returned. She would even hang out with his family while he was working abroad. She tried playing games to manipulate him into coming back as a "Friend" for an entire year..eventually he cracked because she said she made a mistake / regretted leaving him once cornering him at his house. Within 4-5 days, she then turned on him and turned cold, he found out she was dating another guy who wouldn't commit to her, etc. There is a lot of little nasty things she did to him which was really immature and I think hurt him pretty bad. I think I understand why people would say to message her...but in this case, I don't think she deserves it. 2
HowMightI-live Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Because of the finality of it. She will truly be gone. That's a case of extreme closure. Because the chances of you ever running into her again in your lifetime are astronomical. This^^^^^^^ 1
BC1980 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I say don't respond. Just because I remember your story, and I think all she wants is attention. She hasn't changed one bit. That text was pointless, and I would be extremly skeptical if her in particular. I would also be very careful about entering into any dialogue with her. 1
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 If it is final, why don't you say goodbye? It already does make you feel conflicted. Then saying a final goodbye doesn't make it worse, but perhaps better. Good luck with what you decide.OP, haven't you already said goodbye? Embrace this change.
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