What exactly does it mean to CHOOSE one person over another?

[HungryHannah]

I never quite understood what that meant. Lets say a person is torn between a parent and their boyfriend. Do you choose one over the other when you take their side, agree with them, defend them? When should you choose a partner over a parent? Do you think there's any situations where you should choose a partner? The reason I ask is because I'm in a situation right now where it's me vs my boyfriends mom. Sometimes she picks on me and shows her diapproval of me to my boyfriend constantly. If it gets real bad like she's yelling at me or something my boyfriend comes in and tells her to stop. Sometimes he gets into arguements with her over me. Does that mean he's choosing me over her? That's not my goal but I think if he did choose her, a person who is mean to me and intimidating me, I think I would be very hurt. Hurt because I'm his girlfriend and you're supposed to love, value and protect someone who is important to you. There's other times when I feel like he's choosing her over me. Sometimes she lies to me right in front of him and he doesn't say anything about it. I know he knows when she lies because it's always about something he knows better about. I usually stand there pretending to believe her and wait for my bf to say something like "I know that's not true. Please don't lie to Brittany like that." So sometimes I feel like he does choose me over her and other times I think he chooses her even though I'm the one being sweet and not being mean to people.

[Oregon_Dude]

If you're a good person and a good GF to him, then him choosing his mom over you means he's a little boy. You're right - he should be defending you.

 

Just another mama's boy. You should move on.

[LoveRefreshed]

Welcome back. Choosing one person over another isn't how I would say it. Choosing to defend a person who is right in a situation is what should happen, regardless of who is against whom.

 

In your case, if she's lying to your face, how do you know it and why don't you stand up for yourself? Where's your backbone, pride, and self worth? I had a gf's mom call me naïve once. I didn't look at my gf and hope for her to defend me. I calmly explained that at the age of 29, I've seen a lot more of the world than she thinks I have, and I'm not naïve, I'm empathetic. It wasn't a fight, it wasn't aggressive, just me confronting and handling the situation.

 

 

Don't make him pick you or his family, because I'm sorry, family is usually the winner in those battles.

[smackie9]

If my BF's mother treated me like that I would loose the BF.....get rid of the problem.

[Empyrea]

It's the age old battle of girlfriend/wife and mother.. fighting over precious territory - the man. Traditionally it is the mother's role to step aside and the man should learn to take his wife's side instead of his mother's as she becomes the number one woman in his life. But this is just theory. Personally I think it's fair to pick the side of the person you agree with or who is - in that instance - right. It's not always the same person! Yet the man should learn to do it diplomatically without making anyone feel like they're being ganged up upon or that it somehow displays his preference. Very few men master this art. It helps to pick a man whose mother isn't very confrontational/dominating or a man who isn't a wuss. Good luck.