deadelvis Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I know I've posted a lot about the struggles with my GF. I just thought I should mention that we worked through our problems and now we're really happy. After resolving our trust/honesty issues and defining healthy boundaries everything has been great. The first few months were rocky, but now that we've gotten over that rough patch it seems like everything is going to be perfect. So even though I went against the advice everyone was giving me, I am still appreciative for all the help and feedback. We're really happy now. Sometimes you just have to work a little harder to fix things, but now that we've found a healthy balance, everything has been great. Thanks for all your help, DeadElvis
CarrieT Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 So how did you do it? What steps were taken - and by which party in the relationship? 1
cerridwen Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks for all your help, DeadElvis You're welcome!!
Author deadelvis Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 So how did you do it? What steps were taken - and by which party in the relationship? Well, for starters we sat down and had a long talk about trust and honesty. She explained why she had lied about some things, but I already understood why she did it. She didn't want to tell me about a few one-night-stands from her past because she was afraid of being judged, but I assured her that I don't care about her past, only her being honest. So she told me about the things she hadn't wanted to talk about previously, and I was relieved to get the conversation over with. Now that we've gotten the truth out in the open, I don't have any problems with trusting her. But knowing that she was hiding things about her past had really been causing me major trust issues. Once she came forward with the truth it really cleared the air. The irony is that all she was really lying about was a couple guys she regretted having sex with. We both know the guys in question and they are total creeps/losers. But after talking things over we were both able to have a laugh about it and put the whole thing behind us. That was a big step toward fixing things. The other big issue that we worked through was her friendship(s) with other men, particularly one guy who she has a very close "friendship" with. They actually had a long distance "sexting/nude pics" thing going on for years, and she actually cheated on her previous boyfriend with him. We talked/fought about it for several days, but then once we calmed down and talked about it like adults, I explained to her how I felt, and I used an example from my own life about a girl from the other side of the country I had been texting/chatting with for years, and how once I got into a relationship I stopped chatting with her because I didn't want to be disrespectful. I told her that there was absolutely no way she could consider it harmless to have a close long-distance friendship with a guy who she was sending nude pictures to and sexting with less than a year ago. After our talk, she agreed that while her relationship with him is now completely platonic and harmless, she understands why it makes me uncomfortable and she agreed to stop having long conversations with him all the time. Now they occasionally check in and say hi, but she no longer spends long hours chatting with him. So I guess you could say I won that argument. And as for our sexual incompatibility (me wanting constant sex and her having a low sex drive)... she talked to her doctor and he's switching her off of Effexor which had been killing her sex drive, and as soon as she started coming off Effexor her sex drive started to come back. Now I'm finally getting all the freaky sex she promised me in the beginning. And Effexor is a scary drug anyway. I'm glad to see her getting off it. So really it just comes down to communication. You can talk through most problems as long as everyone is mature and respectful. Now that we've worked through those issues it seems like everything is going to be great. We really do love each other very much. And I'm sure other things will come up in the future, but having overcome these major issues also taught us how to solve our problems without letting it destroy our relationship. We're both very happy now. 3
Gloria25 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Oh wow... I think a Guinness World Record was broken here!!!
MidwestUSA Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I hope she has the help of a doc with coming off Effexor. It's best done using Prozac as a bridge. Otherwise, the withdrawal may indeed lead her to stab you in your sleep. 3
autumnnight Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 And as for our sexual incompatibility (me wanting constant sex and her having a low sex drive)... she talked to her doctor and he's switching her off of Effexor which had been killing her sex drive, and as soon as she started coming off Effexor her sex drive started to come back. Now I'm finally getting all the freaky sex she promised me in the beginning. And Effexor is a scary drug anyway. I'm glad to see her getting off it. Effexor is evil. Please watch her closely. Whoever invented it should have their toenails pulled out slowly. 2
writergal Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Glad to hear things have been resolved for you OP.
Author deadelvis Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Effexor is evil. Please watch her closely. Whoever invented it should have their toenails pulled out slowly. agreed 100%. scary drug.
MidwestUSA Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 agreed 100%. scary drug. I'd rather pull out my own toenails out than come off that drug again. How is she being taken off it, can I ask? I think I was on 225mg.
autumnnight Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I'd rather pull out my own toenails out than come off that drug again. How is she being taken off it, can I ask? I think I was on 225mg. deadelvis, watch for headaches, brain "zaps," panic, nausea, crying or moodiness. And if she rails at you over the color of grass or something, know it is probably the med change talking. 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 deadelvis, watch for headaches, brain "zaps," panic, nausea, crying or moodiness. And if she rails at you over the color of grass or something, know it is probably the med change talking. I do recall she is on several other meds as well, so I hope her doc is watching closely. The inability to sleep. Hmmm, I got up one Sunday, got in the car at 5am, and started driving. I found that alcohol took the edge off it, but couldn't find anyone that would sell it before 9 am once I had driven out into nowheresville. At 9am, I finally got a six pack and kept driving. Got home about 11am with 400 more miles on my car. Yikes. So glad to be done with that part of my life.
Author deadelvis Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) She's gradually lowering her dosage over a couple weeks till she gets off it completely. They are raising her mood stabilizer dosage to compensate and they recently switched her from klonopins to valium to treat her anxiety. She also takes vicodin and percocet for her constant pain. A few times she ran out of her Effexor and it was really scary. I seriously thought she was going to die. She looked very similar to a junky coming off dope Edited August 19, 2015 by deadelvis
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