Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Im in a situation were a girl I've known since 6th grade that i had had feelings for actually really strong feelings for since i first saw her i finally said I Love Her the only girl that i loved liked this ever . I ve been talking to her for a few months i told her i liked her she felt the same way she is a very sweet most kind hearted an carring girl ever but needs time because of guys in her past (thanks a lot @ss holes) But she recently has said shes been liking me more and more and its been getting stronger and that also im completely different from them.But Now i recently told her how deeply in love with her ever since i saw her .an hour a go and she hasent responded back .I have told a girl a year ago how i felt that i really really liked that feeling i had for her reminded me of the girl im originally talking about now .I didnt end well wolith her when i told her actually really badly and since then i was wondering if what i did was wrong or not because i told her how i felt (she was the first girl ive had told my feelings to ) i was very depress ed afterwards and i didnt want to feel that way again and i thought i was very foolish to .I want to know is it normal to feel regretful about telling someone your feelings and feel like and idiot for doing so ?
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Yup you are an idiot. Never ever express your feelings unless you are heavily involved in a exclusive romantic relationship....when the time is right. You profess your love to someone you are not involved with, you become a weirdo, obsessed, and weak in their eyes....eeek!. Not masculine at all, not appealing. You look like a wimpass. 1
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Women want a man to be a man..strong, tall, and a challenge to break down his wall.
Author Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Im in a situation were a girl I've known since 6th grade that i had had feelings for actually really strong feelings for since i first saw her i finally said I Love Her the only girl that i loved liked this ever . I ve been talking to her for a few months i told her i liked her she felt the same way she is a very sweet most kind hearted an carring girl ever but needs time because of guys in her past (thanks a lot @ss holes) But she recently has said shes been liking me more and more and its been getting stronger and that also im completely different from them.But Now i recently told her how deeply in love with her ever since i saw her .an hour a go and she hasent responded back .I have told a girl a year ago how i felt that i really really liked that feeling i had for her reminded me of the girl im originally talking about now .I didnt end well wolith her when i told her actually really badly and since then i was wondering if what i did was wrong or not because i told her how i felt (she was the first girl ive had told my feelings to ) i was very depress ed afterwards and i didnt want to feel that way again and i thought i was very foolish to .I want to know is it normal to feel regretful about telling someone your feelings and feel like and idiot for doing so ? At least your being honest .
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 At least your being honest . AAAAAND that got you where?? tail spin crash KABOOM!
Jj66 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) It's ok to tell someone you are fond of them. But telling someone you're in love with them when you aren't in a relationship with them is going to scare the hell out of them. You will be perceived as an obsessed psycho at worst and inexperienced and naive at best. A woman might actually be able to get away with it if she has known a man for a long enough time, but a real man would never do this except as an obvious joke. Case in point: my ex wife and I were office mates for two years and had never dated because I don't **** where I eat. I was very attracted to her and I liked her a lot. One day we went on a two week business trip to a European country. One evening after dinner she grabs my arm to steady herself. I look at her and can tell she wants me to kiss her. I don't. The next morning at breakfast I asked her what the hell that was all about. She said "I'm in love with you" and I almost fell out of my chair right there on the spot. This news was utterly shocking. We had spent at least 8 hours a day together for 500 days and it was still shocking to hear that. We weren't even dating. We had never even kissed. How was it even be possible to be in love with someone you had not been with. And all she knew about me was my work life and whatever I chose to reveal to her. Somehow I overcame her shocking me with that L-bomb and decided to give dating her a try. But it was a very bad idea. I had no idea the (self-imposed) pressure I would feel to love her back. We ended up getting married and it ended miserably because of her emotional immaturity. You think I might have seen that one coming. Lol. Dropping the L-bomb is a very serious thing and like smackie said it shouldn't be done outside the context of a relationship. Edited August 18, 2015 by Jj66 1
kilgore Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 AAAAAND that got you where?? tail spin crash KABOOM! I don't agree. You can't be a stalker but you have to be honest with your feelings 2
mystikmind2005 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I never used to understand what the big deal was with telling someone you love them, i used to think "so what". Even had it happen to me after only 2 weeks dating! That was a bit of a disaster but i did not blame it on her telling me she loved me. Eventually i realized that telling someone you love them too early disrupts or even totally railroads the other persons ability to naturally get to know you and develop stronger feelings for you. on the other hand leaving the announcement of love too late is also a common mistake - probably much more common than saying it too early! (but much more recoverable i think than the too early one)
Author Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 It's ok to tell someone you are fond of them. But telling someone you're in love with them when you aren't in a relationship with them is going to scare the hell out of them. You will be perceived as an obsessed psycho at worst and inexperienced and naive at best. A woman might actually be able to get away with it if she has known a man for a long enough time, but a real man would never do this except as an obvious joke. Case in point: my ex wife and I were office mates for two years and had never dated because I don't **** where I eat. I was very attracted to her and I liked her a lot. One day we went on a two week business trip to a European country. One evening after dinner she grabs my arm to steady herself. I look at her and can tell she wants me to kiss her. I don't. The next morning at breakfast I asked her what the hell that was all about. She said "I'm in love with you" and I almost fell out of my chair right there on the spot. This news was utterly shocking. We had spent at least 8 hours a day together for 500 days and it was still shocking to hear that. We weren't even dating. We had never even kissed. How was it even be possible to be in love with someone you had not been with. And all she knew about me was my work life and whatever I chose to reveal to her. Somehow I overcame her shocking me with that L-bomb and decided to give dating her a try. But it was a very bad idea. I had no idea the (self-imposed) pressure I would feel to love her back. We ended up getting married and it ended miserably because of her emotional immaturity. You think I might have seen that one coming. Lol. Dropping the L-bomb is a very serious thing and like smackie said it shouldn't be done outside the context of a relationship. I guess your right im a dumb @ss for telling her my feelings i couldn't bottle up no more
Author Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 And honestly i dont think ill ever lose feelings for her .
Jj66 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 The dumb ass thing is not so much telling her how you feel but telling yourself these feelings of infatuation you have for her are "love". And if you believe it really is love, you didn't consider her feelings in the matter before you told her. Even in the context of a relationship, telling someone you love them is a very risky proposition. It's the point with the most potential for rejection since the day you asked her out. What happens if you tell someone you love them and they don't love you back? Now, the entire relationship has changed. Anyone with any empathy will want to love you back but. You have put them in a position of great responsibility for your heart. Do not do this to them lightly. It's not only about your feelings. It's about hers too. I suggest you use less loaded words than love going forward or you will keep scaring people away with your neediness.
ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I short, I wouldn't. You have more to loose than you have to gain.
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Yup you are an idiot. Never ever express your feelings unless you are heavily involved in a exclusive romantic relationship....when the time is right. You profess your love to someone you are not involved with, you become a weirdo, obsessed, and weak in their eyes....eeek!. Not masculine at all, not appealing. You look like a wimpass. Where is your romanticism ?? There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings to someone if you are ready for it to go both ways. 1
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Im in a situation were a girl I've known since 6th grade that i had had feelings for actually really strong feelings for since i first saw her i finally said I Love Her the only girl that i loved liked this ever . I ve been talking to her for a few months i told her i liked her she felt the same way she is a very sweet most kind hearted an carring girl ever but needs time because of guys in her past (thanks a lot @ss holes) But she recently has said shes been liking me more and more and its been getting stronger and that also im completely different from them.But Now i recently told her how deeply in love with her ever since i saw her .an hour a go and she hasent responded back .I have told a girl a year ago how i felt that i really really liked that feeling i had for her reminded me of the girl im originally talking about now .I didnt end well wolith her when i told her actually really badly and since then i was wondering if what i did was wrong or not because i told her how i felt (she was the first girl ive had told my feelings to ) i was very depress ed afterwards and i didnt want to feel that way again and i thought i was very foolish to .I want to know is it normal to feel regretful about telling someone your feelings and feel like and idiot for doing so ? And you Sir, need to learn the difference between love and attraction. Stop going around telling people you 'love them'. It's not love it's attraction. Tell them you like them, you find them beautiful, you are hypnotized by them ETC but quit saying you 'love them'. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Expressing your feelings can be a glorious thing under the right circumstances. The announcement business -- which you employed -- dropping the Love bomb on somebody you are not dating -- ALWAYS blows up in your face. I'm assuming you are relatively young, since you mentioned 6th grade. For now back off. You have scared this girl. The intensity of your feelings is too much & she is questioning your truthfulness because the announcement tactic you employed is outside of social convention. As you are learning, it's generally not well received. In a month or so, (yes that long) apologize for overwhelming her. Tell her you are willing to let her come to you but that you would like to take her on a date. Going forward ask a girl on a date. Perhaps say you like her & would enjoy seeing where this goes. Save the ILYs for a much later point in the relationship. 1
HereNorThere Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Well, I hope you learned your lesson . They don't call it the game for nothing. In the pickup world, it's referred to as "cat-string theory." Dangle the string in front of the cat and it will jump and play. Hand over the string, and the cat gets bored and uninterested. You'll learn the lesson one way or another. No matter what, you always have to maintain the same interest level as the other person. When you display all your feelings at once, you're just handing over all your value and power. People are illogical and irrational. We crave what we can't have or what's rare. Diamonds and charcoal are the same exact same thing, carbon, but one is rare because it's molecules are perfectly aligned. Be the diamond, not the charcoal. The only thing you can do now is disappear. If you do it correctly, there's a chance she may miss and realize she missed out. Fake it till you make it. Eventually you realize that no one is that special. You're not in love with her as much as you are the idea of her.
Author Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 And you Sir, need to learn the difference between love and attraction. Stop going around telling people you 'love them'. It's not love it's attraction. Tell them you like them, you find them beautiful, you are hypnotized by them ETC but quit saying you 'love them'. But I really do love this girl
Author Jet96 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Expressing your feelings can be a glorious thing under the right circumstances. The announcement business -- which you employed -- dropping the Love bomb on somebody you are not dating -- ALWAYS blows up in your face. I'm assuming you are relatively young, since you mentioned 6th grade. For now back off. You have scared this girl. The intensity of your feelings is too much & she is questioning your truthfulness because the announcement tactic you employed is outside of social convention. As you are learning, it's generally not well received. In a month or so, (yes that long) apologize for overwhelming her. Tell her you are willing to let her come to you but that you would like to take her on a date. Going forward ask a girl on a date. Perhaps say you like her & would enjoy seeing where this goes. Save the ILYs for a much later point in the relationship. Im in 12 ive had feelings for her since 6th grade
HereNorThere Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 But I really do love this girl You loving her is IRRELEVANT when it comes to whether or not she is attracted to you. Attraction is not a choice. You can't talk anyone into it. The only think you can do is work on YOU. You can make yourself more attractive by doing certain things. One of these certain things is not getting so hung up on one girl. You're showing her all of your cards and she doesn't like it.
RightThere Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Im in 12 ive had feelings for her since 6th grade 12th grade? Oh man, then your life is over...... Seriously. You're raging with hormones and you are in lust, not love. You came on strong and she backed off. It's OK to tell someone how you feel, but you don't need to take it from zero to soul mate in 10 seconds. For that, you are foolish. Just play it by ear. If she wants some space, you need to give it to her. Otherwise more pressure from you is going to push her further away. Life isn't the movies.
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Since you are a senior in high school, you will have many opportunities opening up to you in the next few years. Seriously give her some space. When you see her ask if you are still cool but back off. Be her friend. Don't change what you have been doing. In a while -- again a month minimum -- ask her how she's doing and apologize for coming on so strong. Then ask her on a date. Stay away from the love talk. After you have dated for a while you can revisit that word. If she declines the date, give up.
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