ascofield Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, here's my story (hope it's not too long) and sorry for the mistakes in the language because I'm french: When I was in high school there was a girl with whom we kind of hit it off (5 years ago). At first I had noticed that she often stared at me, then we talked and she was always smiling and happy that we were talking. We didn't talk often though because we didn't have the same friends at all. At the end of that year, I noticed that she would often try to get my attention by being right in front of me when we were no talking and smile at me. Anyway, it didn't go further than that. 2 years ago, I stumbled on her facebook profile (we see everyone on facebook now through friends of friends of friends etc...). I have a facebook account but I never use it since I'm kind of shy and I just prefer to have a few friends and that's it, facebook is not really for me, I use it only because my girlfriend asked me to have one and she is the only one to use it( sends me status, pics, videos). At the time I saw the other girl's profile, me and my girlfriend were on the verge of breaking up (like on a break, if you will). So I contacted the girl and we talked on facebook's private messages at first. It kind of struck me how happy she was to talk to me because almost immediately she wanted to see me at my work (she knew I had a girlfriend btw). Anyway, I couldn't do that but she gave me her phone number and we kept on texting for a few weeks. I noticed that she kind of avoided phone calls, she told me that she was shy over the phone (even though she's a very beautiful, funny girl I have to admit). But at christmas, she had to go on vacation and she told me that after her vacations she would be happy to talk for hours on the phone. Then, after her vacations, she sent me a text to wish me a happy year and we talked a little, but a week after that she stopped returning my texts so I said goodbye to her in a friendly way, I understood that for whatever reason (probably because I had a girlfriend) she decided that we should stop talking so she stopped responding. But I noticed that 2 or 3 days after my "goodbye text", she put a profile pic on her facebook in black and white and where she has the most devastated, saddest face. I wasn't sure if it was because we stopped talking (I'm still not sure actually) or if it was for another reason that didn't have anything to do with me. But 1 week after that, she sent me a text responding to my previous one (the goodbye text) and she also explains that she didn't answer before because she had personal stuff but that she was now alright. I don't know if it was an excuse or if it was the truth, I don't want to get ahead of myself. So we texted for a few days and then, again, she stopped responding and again, I said goodbye to her. Almost a year after that (it was better between me and my girlfriend), there was the Charlie Hebdo event in France (January 2015). Like most french people, she was sad for that, everyone put pictures to condemn the acts and I had put a quote of Einstein on my facebook cover, even though I usually never use facebook. One thing I have to mention is that since I never use facebook, I never "like" other's statuses and almost no one "liked" my previous cover picture for instance, I am just happy with seeing my friends in real life. Anyway, even though I didn't expect likes on the cover picture since I never use facebook, she did "liked" it. (I remind you, we didn't talk for a year since our texts). So in return, I liked a peaceful quote she put a few days after that (first time I ever liked something on her facebook). But when my girlfriend saw that I put a cover picture, she started flooding me with statuses and funny videos on my facebook. 2 or 3 weeks after that, the other girl unfriended me! I was kind of shocked. I never said or did anything inappropriate to her and I didn't understand. One thing I supposed was that she might have thought that I was enjoying the statuses of my girlfriend in front of her (I was a little bit afraid that she would think that but I tought she would be a little bit more mature than that). Anyway I admit I was a little bit hurt so I blocked her a week after (after hesitations). The day after, she changed her first name and used abbreviations instead (maybe a way to get back at me, like she wouldn't want me to see her facebook too). Now (5 months later) I unblocked her because it would be silly to keep her blocked and she does whatever whe wants to do. The only thing I noticed since (I unblocked her last week) is that her profile is now completely private (except for the profile picture and the cover). But that "drama" seems childish now so I thought of sending her a short private message on facebook to tell her quickly about the block and why I blocked her. Then I would tell her that I sent to her the message because I thought it was more mature to tell her directly rather than letting it at that since we got along when we talked. Then I would wish her good luck in her life (signaling that I have no intentions of sending other messages or inviting her to be friends again, that it was just to clear the air). But I'm afraid that 5 months after she unfriended me, I would just seem like a stalker and that the message would only be kind of creepy. To me, it is mature but I'm just afraid to seem like a stalker to her. So what do you guys think? Should I send her a short message? I would really appreciate your opinions. Edited August 18, 2015 by ascofield
cerridwen Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Hi, Sorry. I got a bit lost in all the detail. Do you have a girlfriend now or no? If you do, I wouldn't waste a second more on this situation. Actually! Even if you DON'T have a girlfriend, it would be best to just forget this whole thing. The communication with the other girl is so infrequent as to be non-existent. You're reading waaaaay to much into her past actions. If she wanted contact, she would have maintained it--not allowed it to peter out on two separate occasions. Don't send her a message. No, it's not mature. While it's just shy of creepy, it's more simply pointless. 1
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I'd wait until you don't have a girlfriend at a minimum... and unless you're interested in dating this girl, I'm not sure I'd bother. The long and short of it is that people are weird... weird in good ways, weird in bad ways, and sometimes just plain weird, even though it's harmless. She sounds like she might have a little awkward in her, although it is quite possible that her personal situation demanded that she change her FB usage pattern. Who knows? So now I'm back to this: unless you're interested in dating this girl, I'm not sure I'd bother.
Qboro90 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Do NOT send this girl a message about why you blocked her and the whole story surrounding it. That will totally turn her off. You haven't seen this girl in high school so to send her something like that is just way to stalkerish and insecure. You clearly have a crush on this girl but don't have the stones to leave your gf because this girl you have a crush on is hot and cold and you don't know where you stand with her. You can either keep her blocked and focus on your Gf or you can split up with your gf and explore being single and possibly reaching out to this crush with a "hey haven't talked to you in a while, just wanted to see how everything's going" message/text. But if you do that you HAVE to be single and you have to change your facebook status to "single" in case she checks. You were rude in talking to her the way you were while having a gf so she probably thinks your an ******* BF who pursues other girls while in a relationship. So don't reach out to her until you are single in order to avoid confirming that in her head.
Author ascofield Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks for answering guys: cerridwen: Yes I still have my girlfriend. I don't think I'm reading too much in her past actions, I'm just wondering why she unfriended me when she "liked" a cover picture just days before. I think it's normal, don't you? I don't want to maintain contact either I just want closure actually. And that would be the point of the message, having closure. mightycpa: I'm not interested in that girl anymore. Honestly if I was still interested, I would NOT contact her actually, since it would make me feel like I'm persevering to be with her, plus I'm now happy with my girlfriend. So like I said to cerridwen, I would like to send her the message to have closure and clear the air. I agree with you about all people being weird in their way though. Qboro90: So sending her a message when I'm not interested in dating her but simply to clarifiy things would seem stalkerish but it wouldn't seem so if I was single and really interested in her? I'm not following you here, I tend to think it would be worse.
seasickpeeve Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 She deleted you for a reason. Maybe you were right about her liking you and by texting her when you had a girlfriend you were messing with her emotions. Unless you want a great friendship or a relationship with her I would leave the situation alone.
Author ascofield Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 seasickpeeve: Like I said to Qboro90, it would seem worse if I wanted to have a relationship with her because it would mean that I still wanted to be with her in spite of the "drama" and the misunderstandings. But to me it's because I don't want to be with her anymore that I could send her the message in all honesty and have closure.
kismetkismet Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I am a bit confused by this. If you have a girlfriend, why is this even something you're worried about?? All you did is message her online and flirt with her behind your girlfriends back.... first of all, that's pretty shady to your girlfriend, but second of all if you're still with your girlfriend why does this even matter? I would definitely NOT message her. You were leading the poor girl on while you still had a girlfriend and then she probably deleted you so that she could move on from whatever false hope you were giving her. It seems like you just want the attention from her back, which isn't fair to her OR your gf. The closure should have been when you blocked each other..
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 I am a bit confused by this. If you have a girlfriend, why is this even something you're worried about?? All you did is message her online and flirt with her behind your girlfriends back.... first of all, that's pretty shady to your girlfriend, but second of all if you're still with your girlfriend why does this even matter? I would definitely NOT message her. You were leading the poor girl on while you still had a girlfriend and then she probably deleted you so that she could move on from whatever false hope you were giving her. It seems like you just want the attention from her back, which isn't fair to her OR your gf. The closure should have been when you blocked each other.. I wasn't leading her on. Like I said at the time me and my girlfriend were on a break and it was the girl who stopped the texts, not me. At the time I never made her think that I wouldn't be interested in her, quite the contrary in my opinion. Leading that poor girl would mean that I promised her things and then dumped her like a dirty sock which wasn't the case at all. I don't want her attention I just wish to clarify things and it would be even easier (for her and for me) to move on.
Author ascofield Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Hey guys there is one detail that made me change my mind about all this. So I was going to send the message to the girl on facebook but here's the thing: because we're not "facebook friends" anymore, I would have to send her the message in the "Others" category. I think it's impossible for me to do this, I have my dignity. We used to talk on the normal messages before texting on the phone. Then SHE unfriended me. Granted I blocked her after that but I would NOT send her a message on the "Others" category, that would really mean I'm begging and disregarding my dignity. What do you guys think about that?
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