gamerguy88 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I'm 26 years old and I don't really date that much so I don't have much experience to go off of. I met this girl on OkCupid(she actually msged me first). She's 30 years old. She also happens to be a gamer and has Steam(for those that don't know, Steam is a software that sells and manages games you buy there and also has a friends list for you to use) acount so we're friends on there(currently still) also. After a couple message exchanges, she asked me to the movies pretty quickly(i think she just really wanted to see a particular movie and didn't have anyone to go with). It went well for the most part, didn't get a chance to get to know her too much, though we did stay and talked until the credits finished rolling. I wasn't sure if I was into her or not but I was still interested in proceeding. I asked her out to eat the following week and got to know her a little better. After that, she asked me to go get ice cream, which led me to assume that she's a little interested. Also started to feel attracted to her after the second date. The third date was the last date I had with her the following week. We went out to eat again an then headed to my place. We watched a couple videos on youtube and drank a little. After a while, we started making out and did everything except have sex, she said she wasn't ready for that yet. I thought to myself, finally, I found someone with some common interest and someone I felt attracted to. She told me she was going on vacation to Florida with her family for the next week. I texted her once or twice during her vacation but she never replied, not even when I msged her once on steam(she brought her laptop). Nobody's invested so I didn't think about it too much, It bothered me a bit though since I thought our last encounter went well. Also, I'm not even sure she want on vacation really but those are just my initial thoughts presently. Was pretty convinced it was done after that but well into the following week she msged me with a "Weird, I just got this message."... Really?...I played along. I tried to ask her out a couple of times after that but she keeps declining with some excuse. After a week or so, I got a chance to talk to her and she said that she's still interested in dating me. She says she's stressed from how work has been going and all she wants to do is come home and unwind(playing video games). I'm cool with that, we don't have to hang out all the time. After that, I backed off a bit. I've tried to join her in a video game( you can auto join people in certain games on steam) and as soon as I did, she left, could be nothing, or could be something. It's an awkward feeling seeing her online all the time after work, especially when she hasn't replied to a text I sent prior. This is kinda confusing, especially since we're still steam friends, it makes me feel so anxious and confused about what's going on. I feel like if she wasn't interested, she'd just remove me form her friends list, in which case I'm fine with, I don't like being in this "gray area," it makes me feel uneasy. She never initiates anything, and we don't ever talk unless I start. Feel like i have to spin the wheel of chance to see if i hear from her. I don't know. She has told me that she wants to takes that slow, very very casual, but so casual that we're not talking hardly at all? I don't text her often, since I get the vibe she doesn't like small talk. She has told me she hasn't had a relationship in 5 years, though she has dated since then. Which leads me to think shes afraid to commit to anything? *sigh. I'm not looking for someone to marry, I'm just looking to date someone and see where things go. I think I'm trying to hard, but that's probably because I'm attracted to her. I guess what I am asking is if I should try to talk it out again with her or even attempt to keep trying? It's been about a month and a half since I've seen her, and it's been about a week and a half since I've said anything, and she's still there, on my steam list.....
mapofyourhead Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 People are pretty simple. If they like you, they'll keep in touch and want to see you. If not, they don't. I think she lost interest, or wasn't that interested to begin with, unfortunately. I feel like if she wasn't interested, she'd just remove me form her friends list, in which case I'm fine with, I don't like being in this "gray area," it makes me feel uneasy. She never initiates anything, and we don't ever talk unless I start. I don't like grey areas either. But she probably doesn't think anything of the fact that you're still on her friends list. For instance, I have people on my Facebook that I dated or went out with a few times, and nothing came of it. But it didn't bother me to have them as FB friends, and I don't care enough to go delete them. So while it may bother you, she probably doesn't notice. Sorry dude, but I think it's pretty clear she's not interested.
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I'm bad at "reading signals" through the computer / phone / social media. She may very well not be interested but since she messaged you 1st & she asked you to the movies 1st she may be wondering if she needs to fall back into gender roles & let you chase her for a while. I'd call her using the voice feature of a phone & set up another date, outside of your apartments. You need to make it clear its not only about the physical. If she says yes, let all of the rest of this go. It was a hiccup. if she's equivocal, it probably means she is not interested. Do kiss her hello when you greet her if she does go out with you but otherwise play it cool / romantic but not sexual.
usernametaken Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 If it's been a month and a half since you've seen her, and you only had three dates before that, that indicates that she was interested but isn't very interested anymore. Maybe she met someone else? Sorry.
Diezel Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Take her off of your Steams friend list and move on. She clearly already has.
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