RoxStar Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I am posting under General Relationship because I have a few things to relate to different types of relationships. A lot of what we read on LS about lying usually has to do with the partner you caught lying, sometimes a friend or coworker. They are all very different types of relationships, obviously. But I wonder if some of the lies or the types of lies are the same. Do you think that someone that lies to thier partner in a relationship is going to lie to their colleagues about stupid crap or even big stuff too??? I have a colleague (I use that word gently regarding this person) who we just found out has been lying about his age since he started working for us. He told us he was 30 and in reality he is going to be 39 in the end of this month. Its odd to me that a man would lie about his age for one thing but to lie to people you work with about it is even more odd to me. I think he has also lied about the fact that he was engaged and his fiance was killed in a car wreck three years ago. I know you must think I am horrible for thinking this man is a liar but two weeks ago when my friend from work died this guy said he never knew anyone this close to him that died. I wanted to call him out on that but I didnt. I immediately thought... what happened to the fiance that was in a car wreck. So anyway. The two long term relationships that I had were both with men that lied a lot to other people because of thier insecurities. It did spill over into our relationship in both situations. I have friends that also lie a lot. I know people all lie for different reasons and I have even told a few myself but I wonder when you are telling the big lies like lying about age, wives or husbands, gambling, drugs, fiances being killed do you believe your lies? How do you not get so confused by the lies and how do you ever get out of that whole? Just wondering about liars today I guess...
Mz. Pixie Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 He sounds like a pathological liar! Sometimes people just lie- and yes, I do think sometimes they begin to believe their own lies. Sad..........
Pocky Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Just wondering about liars today I guess... Everyone lies.
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I think honesty should be in direct proportion to intimacy. That is, I don't expect much honesty from the president or my congressman. I expect some honesty from colleagues, then more from friends, then more from family, and then complete honesty from my SO. There are also different types of lies. For example, a person lying to a client to BS his way through a business deal is more acceptable, IMHO, than the types of lies you described where the lies are told at work, but are about personal matters. You can never get complete honesty in business or politics, the world just doesn't work like that, but I think people of good character will keep the lying to a minimum in their personal life. Originally posted by RoxStar Do you think that someone that lies to thier partner in a relationship is going to lie to their colleagues about stupid crap or even big stuff too??? I don't know about that one. But I do know from personal experience that if a person is willing to lie to their friends and family, then they are willing--perhaps even moreso--to lie to their SO.
Author RoxStar Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I think honesty should be in direct proportion to intimacy. That is, I don't expect much honesty from the president or my congressman. I expect some honesty from colleagues, then more from friends, then more from family, and then complete honesty from my SO. Very good point.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 and then complete honesty from my SO. well TANBARK, if you think you are going to get complete honesty from anyone then u are living in a dream world. sorry but that is the way it is. and i doubt you can tell me that you are completely 100% honest with anyone you are dating.
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I have this saying... I don't lie, I just don't tell the whole truth! I don't like to lie or be lied too..No one does for that matter. Yet, for some reason I can tell whether a person is lying to me. People have different reasons why they lie, I don't agree it's the right thing but no matter what, everyone once in a while lies. Whether its a Fib or a Lie or a Comment...it's usually not the truth, depending on the situation of course. Some things are better left unsaid...Some need to be said. Theirs people out there believe it or not that BELIEVE their own lies. How this works?? beasts me...! I sometimes also get a little carried away because I'm to honest and it comes out as being b!tchy. I've learned to think about what I have to say before I say it because my mouth has not been able to write some checks in the past...if you know what I mean...Overdraft charge...lol Being honest can sometimes back fire on you...I gues that's why some tend to lie...they're scared of the truth and honestly maybe they can't handle the truth.
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale well TANBARK, if you think you are going to get complete honesty from anyone then u are living in a dream world. sorry but that is the way it is. and i doubt you can tell me that you are completely 100% honest with anyone you are dating. Well my expectation is more like an equation approaching a limit. You're right, absolute honesty is just not going to happen. But when I say complete honesty, I mean about the things that matter. For example: Acceptable lies: "You are the best I've ever had." "Your dick is HUGE." "Rocky road ice cream is my FAVORITE." Unacceptable lies: "I'm going to Tahoe with a.. ummm.. girlfriend.. Yes, that'll do." "No, I'm not married."
EC Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Everyone lies. I come from a family of liars. I won't lie though.. I have said my shares of white lies. Nothing serious just sometimes you have to twist the truth in order not to hurt someone. But see the thing is if I lie and get caught I will own up to it. But I hate it when people lie to me...get caught..deny it still.. and then continue lying about it..
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 "white lies are the grease that keep the machinery of the world functioning smoothly" - alphamale
Moose Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale well TANBARK, if you think you are going to get complete honesty from anyone then u are living in a dream world. sorry but that is the way it is. and i doubt you can tell me that you are completely 100% honest with anyone you are dating. Yeah, whatever Alphamale......I think that this applies only to you and your world. I'm 110% completly honest with Mrs. Moose.....as far as her being 110% honest with me, only she knows.
dgiirl Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 When I was a teen, I lied to my parents once about being some place i wasnt suppose to be. I came up with this whole other scenario and kept repeating it to myself over and over. I actually started to believe my own lie. So I think if you repeat it over and over enough times in your head and actually visualize the whole scenario, i think you can catch yourself off guard and believe it happened. It only happened once, and I dont tell lies anymore. I'm a little too honest nowadays
scarlyjones Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Yeah right,.....................You can honestly say,.....that you have NEVER,...EVER,.....NOT EVEN ONCE, told her she looked fine,...when she didnt? ( and dont try and get around this by saying she always did look good) (nice try) The point is everyone in the WORLD has lied at some point in their lives. If you say you havent,..well,.......then, your lying.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Yeah, whatever Alphamale......I think that this applies only to you and your world. I live in same world everyone else does.... I'm 110% completly honest with Mrs. Moose totally impossible .....as far as her being 110% honest with me, only she knows.
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by EC But see the thing is if I lie and get caught I will own up to it. But I hate it when people lie to me...get caught..deny it still.. and then continue lying about it.. ME TOO!! Not too long ago I had this happen. A friend of mine told some very personal information to another person and the other person came to me and asked me about it. Well, the friend I told this to was the ONLY person that would know this information, so I know for a FACT that he was the one who told. When I confronted him about it, he actually yelled at ME and said that he did not tell this person anything. So I asked him, "so I suppose she is psychic then?" And he said "maybe it was a lucky guess!" grrrrr...I can't stand that. I mean, for crying out loud don't insult my intelligence. Owe up to it, moron. But anyway, I do think everyone lies to a degree but some are much worse than others and tell more major lies.
MiChick43 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I dont understand serious lying, other then it must be a mental illness. My ex did some whoppers. 1. Told women he was dying to get attention, and it worked. 2. Told one girl he was in a car accident and was put in a hospital for 3 days in a coma, that is why he could not make it to their date. 3. Stated he worked for the US government, when he does not. 4. Said his cat got hit by a car. MY CAT IS JUST FINE> I know all this because the OW ended up contacting me. By getting my cell number off his cell. We had nice chats. Ive found that if something doesnt smell right it probably isnt right. go with your gut!
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Ok, I really shouldn't be laughing right now....but those lies are so funny! What was he thinking???! Talk about an imagination!
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 That reminds me of an ex-friend of mine. Notice that I said EX friend. He was the biggest liar I have ever seen in my life (even worse than my ex). For example: 1. He worked for the FBI because he is an expert computer hacker and was going to get in trouble, but instead they let him do top secret work for them tracking other hackers. 2. Famous hackers that had recently got out of prison would fly to KY to hang out with him. 3. He invented his own genre of poetry, called "landscapes" where he talks about "all the colors of nature found within." 4. He has had poetry published in countless literary magazines. When I asked for a sample of his poetry, he sent me a COPIED AND PASTED poem from the internet but forgot to remove the author's name from the copy paste. When I pointed this out, he said it was his alias that he writes under and that he got the name from sitting alone outside by a fire writing poetry. People called him this name because it sounded like a vampire, and that's what people said about him for sitting outside at night writing "under the moonlight." The funny thing is, I think he actually believes that people believe his lies. Makes it even more sad.
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Oh yeah, I forgot to mention another hysterically sad lie: He also claimed he had committed grand theft auto when he was 15 years old.
RecordProducer Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 It's different when you lie about something to save your ass. For example if you ask your BF whether he cheated on his ex-GFs, he might be afraid that you will reject him if you know the truth, perhaps the relationships were really awful, but he plans on being faithful to you, so he might say NO. When I'm too lazy to go to a business meeting sometimes I lie that I'm not feeling well or I'm busy, without making up any stories. But making up things in order to get attention or whatever is ill. When I sense a person like that I never trust them again. We all know people like that. It's hard to communicate with pathological liars and whatever they say is no fun. The fiancee story is probably all made up. She probably left him. Did you think he might have killed her?
MiChick43 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 XNemesisX Looking back I think its pretty funny too. I felt really bad for the one gal that called me . She was out of her mind over it. She called me for two weeks, at my job, after hours on my cell. Crying. She and I actually became okay friends, via phone. I told her how he had cheated on me and all the lies he told during that ordeal. After about two weeks she calmed down. He was pretty mad that I told her he never worked for the U.S. government and that the only tumor he had was the gut around his middle.
MiChick43 Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 XNemesisX Your friend sounds as nutty as mine. My ex thinks he is the worlds grandest hacker as well. He once told me he had written the ......I love you virus. Remember that one? LOL. Now I dont work with computers at all. I just play with them. But even I knew there was no way!
faux Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I know one guy who seems to lie all of the time. My friends and I call him Black Hole Sun; he tried telling us all that he had somehow made a functioning black hole in his bedroom, promised us video tape and everything. Strangely enough, the video tape was magically destroyed by the black hole, and the dresser that had been consumed by the black hole was miraculously replaced by an identical model. I think the guy does this because his life is boring, perhaps sad, so he uses lies to get attention and gain friendships. At first, I thought it was pretty interesting that this guy told me he had been stationed in Japan for five years with the army, and that he could speak Japanese fluently. He seemed to have had a variety of interesting, high paying jobs, with amazing stories to tell about all of them. A week into our friendship I was beginning to catch him in lies. Five years in the army turned into two years, and then "almost two years" because he had to leave due to an accident. Although he was fluent in Japanese, he had to go buy audiotapes so he could "learn Japanese". The proof of him having a BA from a major university does not exist. The injury from his army time, which was supposed to have rendered his left hand devoid of any feeling, apparently does not prevent him from feeling pain in that hand. The stories he would tell his girlfriend varied from the stories anyone else would hear. His supposed ties with the mafia, ability to speak seven languages, job with Dark Horse comics, and the black hole incident were far too much for me. I don't know how this guy can keep on like this, or why his girlfriend is still with him. None of this is really my concern, but I can't understand why he won't just admit that he is lying to me. I confronted him about a few of his lies when things just got too overwhelming for me. I questioned him as to how he can get all of these high paying jobs when he will only claim to work a few weeks to one month. With that sort of staying power, who would want to hire him? I try not to associate with him, and mostly consider him to be a casual acquaintance these days. He still lies constantly, and I don't think he will ever admit to anything. Most people lie, but I would hope not about such ridiculous things as I mentioned above. I agree that lying about the death of a fiance is strange, and lying about one's age to one's coworkers is odd. At least the guy isn't telling you that he can make black holes in his room. Originally posted by MiChick43 ...Stated he worked for the US government, when he does not... ...Ive found that if something doesnt smell right it probably isnt right. go with your gut! I almost forgot to mention that this guy claims to have worked for the Department of Defense. I agree with your last statement; when things don't add up, and start to feel wrong, usually something is wrong.
Moose Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I know it's hard for you guys to understand. But yes, I'm totally honest with Mrs. Moose. I didn't used to always be, but now I am to a fault. Even this morning when she was getting ready to go the nature center, she was wearing some pants that made her hips look big. She asked me about it, and I agreed with her that they did. She changed into something else. When she tries a new dish, I'll tell her straight up if it's good or not. She relies on my honesty. That's what a husband and wife is for. Hell, if you can't get an honest answer from your spouse then you can't get it anywhere else. So no, it's not impossible, ALPHAMALE......but it does take discipline to stay honest.
Craig Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 It has been my experience that lying is not situation specific. In other words if someone lies to their partner in a relationship they lie to their colleagues about stupid stuff or even big stuff too. In a world where highly skilled liars exist I have come to live by the words, "show me, don't tell me."
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