deadelvis Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Lately I've been really disgusted by my boss and his wife. We all work together in the same office. She's drop dead gorgeous. Probably a solid 9.5. He's overweight, balding and not very attractive. The worst part is he has the personality of a stool sample. He's mean and hostile to everyone, including her. I actually consider his attitude toward her to be emotionally abusive. He's just a really terrible person. I've yet to see any redeeming qualities in him, and I work with him every day. Meanwhile she's kind, sweet and beautiful. Obviously he must have a fair amount of money. It's a pretty successful company and he's the co-owner. What in the world would compel a woman to stay with a man like him? His money? If that's what she sees in him, aren't there plenty of younger, attractive and less terrible men who have money? The area where we live has plenty of successful younger men who aren't total cockroaches. Why would she stay with someone who is verbally abusive and has so little to offer besides money? It confuses and disgusts me. She could have any man she wants and she stays with an abusive pig. Such a waste...
CarrieT Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 You have no idea what their interpersonal lives are.... Maybe she is a sub who gets off on abuse. Maybe he has a giant c*ck and can make her cum 12 times a night. Maybe he is a sub in the bedroom and she gets off on caning him every night. Maybe she wasn't a 9.5 when they met but she was made that way through years of plastic surgery. Maybe they really love each other. The fact is you are making massive assumptions about their relationship. 9
Author deadelvis Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) I hear them talking to each other every day. He talks down to her, and everyone else. He has anger problems and is verbally abusive. I doubt they are into the dom/sub thing. I think he's just a total ******* and she's been emotionally abused for so long she thinks it's normal. I imagine he was nice to her at first and as things became gradually worse she just came to accept that's how husbands treat their wives. She's fairly young compared to him. He has 6 kids from a previous marriage who he's verbally abusive to. She has none. I'm starting to suspect he may actually beat her and the children. I haven't seen bruises yet but they all seem terrified of him. Edited August 17, 2015 by deadelvis 1
Gloria25 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Why do people equate looks and/or talent with a person's morals, characters, intelligence, self-esteem, etc? I mean looks and talent (in some cases) are things some people simply have no role in developing. They may have been born with it. I mean, I was watching ID the other day and this "hot" and successful woman couldn't get a man....why? She was insecure and psycho. I mean, this guy started dating her and she was ready to rush into marriage, when he started backing off, she faked a pregnancy to get him to allow her to move in and it was hell on earth. She called up every female he ever knew and demanded they 'stay away from her man'. That's why as of late my fav podcaster gets upset when people announce their kids as "beautiful" (ie, I have 2 "beautiful" kids) and she's like "So what!?!" "Are they kind to others?" 7
RoseVille Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Why do people equate looks and/or talent with a person's morals, characters, intelligence, self-esteem, etc? Drives me crazy, too! 3
Male Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Money is usually a big influence for many women, not all but many. Just watch a NASCAR race before the drivers get in their cars, most of them have super hot 9+ wives, NFL players, Golf pros, basketball, its all the same. If those guys had regular 9-5 jobs like many of us do, many of those women wouldnt even acknowledge them. Not sure how much your boss makes but it could be money. But theres also a hell of a lot of unattractive women as well that put up with bad behavior from poor men. Some women just feel worthless and they stay with abusive men because they think they arent good enough for anyone else. 4
oberkeat Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I often wonder what people see in each other too. My boss at my previous job and her husband were like that. He was an okay guy, but she was a monster. She had all of the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. I couldn't stand to be around her. She was horrible to him and everyone who worked under her. Yet they had been married for 17 years by the time I had met them. I did learn something from that though: I think if someone that unpleasant to be around can find a relationship, anybody can. 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Dysfunctional relationships can be as powerful as love sometimes. Beauty has nothing to do with a person's character, personality, brokenness, tolerance level, etc. Maybe she had an abusive childhood, or issues with her father or someone close to her with a similar personality as her husband. Some say dysfunctional bonds are more about our unresolved pasts, and it just feels like genuine attraction to that person. Maybe it doesn't bother her and she just accepts it. It could feel normal to her...you don't know. Our attractions and bonds can be about so much more than looks, and this doesn't always manifest in a healthy way. How many times do we see people on LS say "I know they aren't good for me, but can't stay away"? Other times people learn to tolerate it due to kids, finances. Maybe she actually loves him in spite of all this. Maybe she hurt him really bad in the past and thinks she deserves to be treated bad. You'll never know, it's their story. Beautiful women are born to dysfunctional families, beauties are abused, neglected, raised by addicts, etc. Physical beauty and health does not equal emotional health and balance. It is naive to assume that beautiful or intelligent results in good relationship choices. Intelligent people, beautiful people, talented people...can be emotionally insecure, or have unresolved issues from their past, or be depressed or feel powerless. Their relationship could work for them in a way you'll never understand, because you aren't them. 4
fireflywy Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Lately I've been really disgusted by my boss and his wife. We all work together in the same office. She's drop dead gorgeous. Probably a solid 9.5. He's overweight, balding and not very attractive. The worst part is he has the personality of a stool sample. He's mean and hostile to everyone, including her. I actually consider his attitude toward her to be emotionally abusive. He's just a really terrible person. I've yet to see any redeeming qualities in him, and I work with him every day. Meanwhile she's kind, sweet and beautiful. Obviously he must have a fair amount of money. It's a pretty successful company and he's the co-owner. What in the world would compel a woman to stay with a man like him? His money? If that's what she sees in him, aren't there plenty of younger, attractive and less terrible men who have money? The area where we live has plenty of successful younger men who aren't total cockroaches. Why would she stay with someone who is verbally abusive and has so little to offer besides money? It confuses and disgusts me. She could have any man she wants and she stays with an abusive pig. Such a waste... Lol If he's that horrible to everyone, then why do YOU keep working for him? You could quit and ask her on your way out. Edited August 18, 2015 by fireflywy 2
autumnnight Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 So because 1 boss and his wife SEEM mismatched, suddenly that translates to "beautiful women date horrible men".... Odd generalization 3
craw Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Question: thread title. Answer: low self-esteem. 2
TouchedByViolet Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Question: thread title. Answer: low self-esteem. This is a big part of it. I know men and women who have terrible partners. Comfort with the known, fear of leaving, some belief that divorce is evil, enjoying being a victim... are some possibilities as well. People like your boss's wife have major hang ups but they can continue doing what they do. So they do.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Lol If he's that horrible to everyone, then why do YOU keep working for him? Alternate title for thread, "Why does the woman I want, want another guy who's not nice?" 3
regine_phalange Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 She probably sees in him what she thinks she's lacking. I'm sure she admired his obnoxious personality when they first met (I doubt that she still likes it, but that's how it goes; things that attracted you to someone in the first place are the ones that make you mad later).
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Abusive men tend to prey on the young, the naive, the weak and the vulnerable, as they are the kind of women who will put up with their cr*p. It is no coincidence. They deliberately choose women who are kind and nice and sweet - who do their very best to always keep the peace and not rock any boats, no matter how bad he gets. Any woman with firm boundaries and a great sense of self will be dumped by him forthwith, she is NOT the type of woman he needs. Many abusive men are "lovely" to begin with, they put on a great show, but bit by bit they reveal the real them. Of course the people pleaser sticks around as she wants to help, he must be ill/stressed/upset, if he has suddenly turned bad, he NEEDS her help. NO kind sweet and nice person would desert such a man in his time of need. And so the trap is set and the victim doesn't even leave if the trap door is then opened, he needs saved and she is the one to do it or by then she is co dependent, or she is too scared to even think of making a run for it. Abusive men with power, money and/or influence have multiple options, so not only do they choose on personality, they choose on exceptional good looks too. Hence the beautiful, kind and sweet girl with a horrible man. Abusive men with fewer options, choose nice, sweet and kind, ordinary looking women to abuse. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Probably 2 reasons. The first is from past abuse. When some people are abused, especially at a young age, their brain gets tweaked a bit much like an addict's brain is. They crave the fix or same type of energy that they get from abusers. For example, controlling behavior gives them a sense of comfort. Abuse gets mistaken as love. The second is misinterpreting abusive behavior as strong Alpha male traits. Females are biologically programmed to seek out a strong "bad boy" to mate with. Once pregnant, they are programmed to seek out a more beta male to nest with. Someone who will stay with them & help raise the child. 2
Heatherknows Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Physical beauty and health does not equal emotional health and balance. This is so true!
Male Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Probably 2 reasons. The first is from past abuse. When some people are abused, especially at a young age, their brain gets tweaked a bit much like an addict's brain is. They crave the fix or same type of energy that they get from abusers. For example, controlling behavior gives them a sense of comfort. Abuse gets mistaken as love. The second is misinterpreting abusive behavior as strong Alpha male traits. Females are biologically programmed to seek out a strong "bad boy" to mate with. Once pregnant, they are programmed to seek out a more beta male to nest with. Someone who will stay with them & help raise the child. Just another of the 10,000 double standards being a woman. As far as the guys go, in my experience, I have typically seen most very attractive women with Alpha-jerks. The guys usually arent as bad as the boss mentioned in this thread, but they can be easily classified as controlling. You can just tell how 2 people interact with each other whether they have a fun loving relaxed relationship, and just gel together, vs a "I'm the man and you're here to serve me" type relationship. I rarely ever see a beautiful woman with a guy that sees her as his equal, or where the woman has the dominant personality. Edited August 18, 2015 by Male
Heatherknows Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 As far as the guys go, in my experience, I have typically seen most very attractive women with Alpha-jerks. The guys usually arent as bad as the boss mentioned in this thread, but they can be easily classified as controlling. You can just tell how 2 people interact with each other whether they have a fun loving relaxed relationship, and just gel together, vs a "I'm the man and you're here to serve me" type relationship. I rarely ever see a beautiful woman with a guy that sees her as his equal, or where the woman has the dominant personality. I'm emotionally unbalanced and high maintenance that I've always scared the crap out of the Alpha-jerks. They couldn't deal with me. 1
Male Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I'm emotionally unbalanced and high maintenance that I've always scared the crap out of the Alpha-jerks. They couldn't deal with me. What type of guy have you found that knows how to deal with you?
Heatherknows Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) What type of guy have you found that knows how to deal with you? My husband is very nurturing for the most part. At work he has a high level job so he must be very in control but in the home I run the show. Sometimes he gets verbally abusive and is scary but most of the time he is calm and gentle. Edited August 18, 2015 by Heatherknows
Male Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 My husband is very nurturing for the most part. At work he has a high level job so he must be very in control but in the home I run the show. Sometimes he gets verbally abusive and is scary but most of the time he is calm and gentle. How do you feel about the verbal abuse? And how many times a week would you say he does it?
Heatherknows Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 How do you feel about the verbal abuse? And how many times a week would you say he does it? It was once a week at one point but he's calmed down considerably now that his sister is taking care of his elderly mother.
alphamale Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 men look for beauty and youth and women look for resources…it has always been like that 2
katiegrl Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Maybe because of the same reason YOUR girlfriend stays with YOU. He has a good job, gives her money, pays all her bills, does all the domestic chores....while allowing her to skate by NOT working, and having a nice little cushy life... while HE works his butt off supporting her.... hehe
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