Reasons to believe my ex cheated on me and other partners.

[Craftydre]

When I met my partner she told me she slept with a little under 60 people, when we were just sleeping with each other no commitment. Later on, we became serious and in a relationship. She told me she had only slept with about 5 by the time she was 21 and went crazy during her college years.

 

Now we met when she was 30 years old, that leaves about 9 years for about 50other men.

 

She told me she was in 3 serious relationships. One for 2 years, one for 3, and one for 1. She told me the 3 year one only half became committed so let's say 1.5. Take away 4.5 years that leaves 4.5 years of being single. Now I would imagine after long relationships a normal person would atleaSt go a month without sleeping with another man right? And she had not slept with anybody else for three months prior to our meeting. Let's say 4 years left, and even take away an extra 3 guys and let it slide. That's 44guys in 4 years and if let's take away another 4 before she was 21 and give it to her just in case that's 40. So 10 guys a year being single? She has told me that she has never token part in any kind of group sex, and has had only one, one night stand, all other guys she had been sleeping with continuously. This does not make sense to me. Do you believe this or do you believe she cheated on past partners? Also she went on away for a little over a month back to ireland to visit family and came back very cold and distant

Edited August 17, 2015 by Craftydre

[jen1447]

No idea if she's cheated or not but the figures (lol at you calculating away ) are entirely within the realm of possibility. Many ppl do in fact go nuts during their college years - I certainly did.

 

ppl tend to view this thru the lense of values, so wondering about whether 10 a year is a lot or a little is more a question of sensibilities than figures. But logistically, 10 sexual partners a year is easily achievable and not really remarkable at all.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Sleeping with that many people speaks volume about ones personality and moral values.

 

It's her life and body she can do what she wants. However I personally have too much self respect to get involved with someone like that.

[Gus Grimly]

However I personally have too much self respect to get involved with someone like that.

 

You said it!!

[aloneinaz]

OP, not to sound harsh but why care how many people this EX of yours has slept with? You accepted it when you dated her. Why is it an issue now? Why question if she cheated? She's your ex which means she should be in the rear view mirror while you're looking thru the windshield at your future.

 

 

If you're worried about the cheating, go get tested for all the STD's.

[Amelie1980]

No idea if she's cheated or not but the figures (lol at you calculating away ) are entirely within the realm of possibility. Many ppl do in fact go nuts during their college years - I certainly did.

 

ppl tend to view this thru the lense of values, so wondering about whether 10 a year is a lot or a little is more a question of sensibilities than figures. But logistically, 10 sexual partners a year is easily achievable and not really remarkable at all.

 

10 a year.....

 

That's nearly one a month.

 

That is certainly remarkable.

[Satu]

You're investing energy into something that will bring you no benefit.

 

Think about yourself and how you can make the best of your own life.

[seasickpeeve]

These calculations are like metal torture. It gave me a bit of a headache just reading them! I can't see what can be gained in thinking this way other than convincing yourself that your ex cheated and that she is a villain.

 

Having lots of sexual partners in your life doesn't make you a cheat. It just makes you someone who had lots of sexual partners.

 

The only way you will know if someone cheated on you is if they tell you. Nobody truly can say 100% there partner hasn't. It's about trust and doesn't sound like you have/had much for her.

 

Is there a reason for that other than you judging her sexual past?

[jen1447]

10 a year.....

 

That's nearly one a month.

 

That is certainly remarkable.

 

According to your values, but sleeping with even 10 people a month is still taking 2 out of 3 days off.

 

OP, not to sound harsh but why care how many people this EX of yours has slept with? You accepted it when you dated her. Why is it an issue now? Why question if she cheated? She's your ex which means she should be in the rear view mirror while you're looking thru the windshield at your future.

I think he's specifically concerned about the possibility (or likelihood, in his mind) of overlap, not number of partners. The numbers he ran imply to him that she was likely sleeping with some of her 60 partners while in relationships with him and her exes. (Which is incidentally what he's asking for input on, not value judgments about her sexual proclivities.)

[Jimmyjackson]

10 a year.....

 

That's nearly one a month.

 

That is certainly remarkable.

 

Hmm I beg to differ, women find it easier to get laid than men. If a woman put her mind to it I'm sure she could get laid every weekend.

[Amelie1980]

Hmm I beg to differ, women find it easier to get laid than men. If a woman put her mind to it I'm sure she could get laid every weekend.

 

That is a contradiction in terms.

 

Who are these women getting laid with? Men...?

 

Therefore it should be equally easy unless these women are getting laid with a third sex?

[dyna85]

Honestly OP, who cares if she cheated. If she did cheat you dodged a bullet. Fact is, none of the data in your post matters anymore since you're free from her. You're lucky you no longer have to crunch numbers. Doesn't it feel good? You can rest easy now..

[mightycpa]

10 a year.....

 

That's nearly one a month.

 

That is certainly remarkable.

That's almost one a month IF you assume that they are serial, with no overlap.

 

In my experience with a girl of number over 20, that assumption is what is remarkable. More likely that she was banging a string of several guys over several years, and that doesn't necessarily mean cheating. She might have just been a good time girl, maybe a weekend stand, rather than a one-night stand. Maybe if she banged a guy one night, and then again the next morning, to her it didn't count as a one-night stand, and that made her feel better about herself.

 

Also, this:

 

She told me she had only slept with about 5 by the time she was 21 and went crazy during her college years.

doesn't compute. I was 21 when I graduated college. Most people are 22 or 23, aren't they?

[Craftydre]

I meant to at university.

That's correct her number of partners is not the issue, my concern is that the only way she could have racked up those numbers is to have cheated on partners. As she puts it, most of those numbers have been regulars for example sleering with one or two for a month. I just feel even the time span I gave her to do that is alot. I'd imagine even she took breaks or went months without sex so the time span even shortens and goes over to about 15 a year. And she can name every single partner I just feel as if she borrowed some years with her serious partners to rack up atleast 10 of those if you know what I mean.

 

 

It concerns me because I still have feelings lol

[mightycpa]

she can name every single partner

Now, THAT IS remarkable, and it does speak to multiple partners over an extended period of time.

[sowhynot]

Maybe I'm a bit nieve, but what would bother me is not so much the number per se, but the probability that at least some of her partners were emotionally attracted to her and presumably didn't get a look in - or not for very long .....

 

 

That's the red flag for me - the thought that I would be treated - i.e. dumped - in exactly the same way as she surely must have done to others who weren't in it just for the gratuitous sex.

 

 

My ex. seemed to have a somewhat 'easy come, easy go'attitude to the partners she had between her marriage break up and dating me - albeit a lot, lot, lot less than 60 - and I wasn't pretentious enough to imagine that what happened to them would happen to me sooner or later.

 

 

 

And so it came to pass !

Edited August 18, 2015 by sowhynot
Added a few more words .

[Craftydre]

Maybe I'm a bit nieve, but what would bother me is not so much the number per se, but the probability that at least some of her partners were emotionally attracted to her and presumably didn't get a look in - or not for very long .....

 

 

That's the red flag for me - the thought that I would be treated - i.e. dumped - in exactly the same way as she surely must have done to others who weren't in it just for the gratuitous sex.

 

 

My ex. seemed to have a somewhat 'easy come, easy go'attitude to the partners she had between her marriage break up and dating me - albeit a lot, lot, lot less than 60 - and I wasn't pretentious enough to imagine that what happened to them would happen to me sooner or later.

 

 

 

And so it came to pass !

 

Never even thought about that ! So true ! She told me countless times that sex was nothing to her, and it's no big deal. Should've seen the red flags. Actually I did see the redflags, I was just happy to be dating one of the most hottest chick's I've ever met. And fell in love which was very hard to walk away. Im impressed I even kept her for so long. There brain just worked totally different then society, she thought a lot of unacceptable behaviors in relationships were acceptable. I was made out to be this horrible person because I was not okay with her getting wasted at a bar with her friends four times a week and coming getting home past 2A.M. My worry, and concern soon became controlling insecure behavior to her.