baboon Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Hello everyone. I will share my(long) story in hopes that someone has some insight as to what i'm going through. I've been in a LDR for the past half year, with a girl originally from my town, but living/studying in the UK, i'm in my late 20s, she's a couple of years younger. We have made plans that we move in together(i go to her, i need a fresh start). Next month she comes here for the vacation and in october we both fly out there. Everything was going ok, up to a point about 3 weeks ago, she got upset about me not having initiative and not applying for jobs. I was also going through something difficult and i couldnt focus on it. Slowly i felt her distancing, up to the point where she said that she will stop being cold when i do what i'm supposed to do. She started pulling away, taking time off when she got mad, not talking or answering my phonecalls. From the sweet respectful girl i knew, she was this "one word reply" person now. Not checking in with me like she usually did, stuff like that. One night I flipped out and also deleted her from fb, which made her so angry. I was so clingy and i know i was wrong. When things cooled off, about a week ago, we talked on the phone once and kinda understood each other, we had a fun chat, i apologized for my mistakes, but after that still she was so cold. In the meantime i have gotten my **** together and started planning for everything. We also talked on saturday, about rent, public transport, stuff like that. I mean, the big picture. Still i feel nothing coming from her, she said at one point that she doesnt feel involved in this relationship. In text, she's way colder than on the phone. She seens indifferent but doesnt want to break it off. We havent said " i love you " in a long while, the last couple of times i said it she didnt respond, i'm too afraid to say it again(and seem desperate) Today we talked about me finishing with my applications, plane tickets, etc, she was slightly better when she saw my enthusiasm. From what i can gather, she's put up walls. Still hurting and not completely forgiving me. Today she gave me the green light to take a loan (for the first months of rent abroad). So, from all our talks it's clear that our plans are still go. From her behaviour towards me she doesnt seem to care. I am being patient, what can i do more ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author baboon Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Today when i asked to talk to her she outright ended it, telling me everything is so forced and she cant wait for me to change. So, after i got over my insecurities, preparing everything for the big move abroad and getting that loan yesterday, she gives up. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Today when i asked to talk to her she outright ended it, telling me everything is so forced and she cant wait for me to change. So, after i got over my insecurities, preparing everything for the big move abroad and getting that loan yesterday, she gives up. That sucks, no doubt! But can you imagine if you had moved there and she ended it??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author baboon Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 That sucks, no doubt! But can you imagine if you had moved there and she ended it??? Yes,that would've been horrible too. She wouldn't believe that i got my priorities straight "overnight" (overnight being ~ 2 weeks). The funny thing is, that i didnt really have to make an effort to work on it. Right now, she just refused to see what's in front of her. That's just immature and stubborn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Floveet Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Have u ever asked her if she met someone ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author baboon Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 I didnt have to ask and she told me she didn't. What i do know is that she was having a lot of fun with a group of people at a boardgame shop, going about 3-4 times a week. She told me some guys hit on her and she refused. Still, i'll never know the truth. It hurts so much. We had such a deep connection(excluding our love). I just can't understand how someone can give up so easily when times get hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 i'm so sorry but i could sense before i read ur its over post that it was. it seemed she wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were. she was cold which is one big sign of a breakup about to happen. wish you the best. hope you find a nice girl to spend your time with. as a woman i wouldn't be cold to a guy. if i wasn't into him i would just tell him. honesty is key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Her eventual decision wasn't about you, it was about her. See it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 That's the worst. How long will you be trapped in the loan? I hope it's not like 5 years........... She was not behaving like a girl in love with you, and that was your best cue telling you to just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lwalter Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yep, just forget her. It's time to move on, she's not in love with you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Um... same thing happened to me very recently. My girlfriend was 22 I am a few years older. See my post here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/548507-setback I think the fact that you became too interested in her and too invested in her made her get cold feet. I absolutely think she met some people she may be interested in and wants to explore her other options before she settles down or gets too committed with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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