Author noun123 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Well 2 months and a bit in, I haven't posted much. I've been lurking hard around here. I haven't written because I feel like nothing has changed. I'm still stuck in denial despite absolutely nothing I have so much hope. How can I get rid of this feeling? I'm still obsessed with where he is at, who he is with etc.. I've blocked all avenues of SM but I still find myself looking at people related to him in some way to catch a glimpse of something going on. Maybe then I could have true closure for myself because acceptance does not seem to be coming my way even as hard as I try. Or maybe its because I just really don't want to let go and give up. I've tried looking at dating sites in hopes of distracting myself (not jumping into another relationship) but meeting new people and getting out but that makes it worse. I think I'm more scared of him moving on so soon, but maybe that is what I need to find out to truly let go. What steps can I take to get out of this obsession? Everything I do is with him in mind. We have the same friend group so even hanging out with any of them is like a reminder and makes me feel more comfortable like he's so close. I just can't step out of this bubble that I am in. I need to let go.
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 I discovered this from a coworker... Watch it, and watch it again!!
TunaCat Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 It's been nearly 6 months. I'm so ready to start dating again, and I'm striking out on EVERY avenue possible. If one more person tells me "It'll happen when you least expect it." or "You need to get yourself out there." or "The right person is just waiting for you." I know they are trying to help, but these phrases are NOT helpful for me. I am trying not to compare myself with others, but I was supposed to be ENGAGED by now. And instead of being happily in love & engaged, I'm single, striking out with both sexes (I'm attracted to both men & women) I'm trying to move on, but it's not easy. 1
Author noun123 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Posted September 14, 2015 Same here Tuna. My friends and I are late-20s so they are all married or engaged which makes it extra hard to go out and meet new people. I know I should want to start meeting new people and dating but I really don't want to! Guess that is part of trying to move on. I wish new great partners would fall in our lap but I don't think it happens 'when you least expect it'. I hate the cliches.
Author noun123 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 Hey LS, just wanted to post a little update on my progress. I am 2.5 months BU, won't share my NC because it has been dismal but I feel that may have helped my situation. Today I woke up, and he wasn't the first thing on my mind. Seems silly but that is huge. I didn't wake up with an anxiety attack either. The last couple days I have been feeling a little more indifferent and looking towards the future instead of back on what we had. I'm not fully there but let me say, compared to the dark hole I have been in for last two months, this is amazing progress. I've done everything wrong, obsessed, dwelled, stayed-in, made contact so if I can do it. The rest of you will be so good:)
EO422 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 Mornings are so hard. I keep hoping for them to get better but I still wake up with major anxiety and a hole in my stomach. I just can't get past how it ended. None of it makes sense and despite having no reason to, I keep holding onto a tiny bit of hope. I almost want to find out he is seeing someone then I can let go but truthfully I know that would destroy me further. I just can't get past that someone can let two years go so easily and not look back. I have been almost two weeks no contact but I have yet to feel better after a month and a half post BU. I've done everything I'm supposed to but can't shake this feeling of abandonment, heartache, and betrayal (for saying everything was great when obviously it wasn't) I just want to reach out and make everything better. I am the same way. I have not contacted my ex for a little over 2 weeks now. It is so hard. I am 1 1/2 months post BU as well kind of. It sucks. I am still sad and crying. We will get better. I have so many questions like you. Idk what to do. My heart is stuck and torn. Sometimes I feel amazing and then some days are just horrible
Author noun123 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 I am the same way. I have not contacted my ex for a little over 2 weeks now. It is so hard. I am 1 1/2 months post BU as well kind of. It sucks. I am still sad and crying. We will get better. I have so many questions like you. Idk what to do. My heart is stuck and torn. Sometimes I feel amazing and then some days are just horrible Im right there with you. I was really strong in NC until every second week then I caved due to some major anixety over situations that I made up in my head. Between then, 1.5 months (I am one month ahead of you) and now I have seen a huge difference (just in the last week). So hold in there. I asked EVERY question possible and still found a way to come up with more. I don't think everything can truly be answered because the answer we are really waiting for is 'I want to come back to you' and that most likely won't happen. Now Im finally moving forward in life not thinking about my life with him but by myself. The world doesn't stop when we break up so I have to move forward:)
mightycpa Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 How can you turn off your love like that? I'm sure by now that you realize that you can't just turn your love on and off like it's on a switch or something. Now you need to realize that he can't do that either. If that's the case, then the only possible explanation is that his love turned off without him causing that to happen. That means there are three possibilities: It was you.His love wasn't true.Both Once you realize that he is as powerless in this matter as you are, then your ability to accept things becomes much easier. You won't need to understand why, because whether the reason is A or Z, it won't change anything. It doesn't matter why. Only WHAT matters, and once you figure all that out, you're home free, and all you have to deal with is residual sadness for something lost.
Author noun123 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 For those who don't know. I am post BU 3 about three months now. I had a wonderful ex, who was very honest with me about everything and I was able to call on him anytime for comfort and to feel better about the situation. Although knowing him well, something was always in the back of my mind that he was moving on ie. another girl because he was able to detach quite easily. Well I found great comfort in his 'honesty' that he was busy with his interests and no girls. That eased my anxiety so much I can't even begin to describe. Well we've been talking a lot lately where before we didn't and I prodded and prodded and admitted there was a girl he had been interested in after we broke up and they had hung out a few times but it was going no where. After all our conversations, he knew I was holding on I feel so deceived and cheated. I am broken again trying to understand how after two years someone can be ready to date so quickly after. Does that mean it meant nothing?? Here I am still filled with hope and unable to date because I dont want to date anyone else. How can he be ready? I truly was an amazing girlfriend. This is just the first night I've found out and I'm so scared of the pain to come. I see guys on here that are so attached to their exs they don't move on for such a long time, how was mine able to be so quick to build a relationship with someone else. How could I be forgotten so easy... Sorry for the ramble, Im in a bad place.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 For those who don't know. I am post BU 3 about three months now. I had a wonderful ex, who was very honest with me about everything and I was able to call on him anytime for comfort and to feel better about the situation. Although knowing him well, something was always in the back of my mind that he was moving on ie. another girl because he was able to detach quite easily. Well I found great comfort in his 'honesty' that he was busy with his interests and no girls. That eased my anxiety so much I can't even begin to describe. Well we've been talking a lot lately where before we didn't and I prodded and prodded and admitted there was a girl he had been interested in after we broke up and they had hung out a few times but it was going no where. After all our conversations, he knew I was holding on I feel so deceived and cheated. I am broken again trying to understand how after two years someone can be ready to date so quickly after. Does that mean it meant nothing?? Here I am still filled with hope and unable to date because I dont want to date anyone else. How can he be ready? I truly was an amazing girlfriend. This is just the first night I've found out and I'm so scared of the pain to come. I see guys on here that are so attached to their exs they don't move on for such a long time, how was mine able to be so quick to build a relationship with someone else. How could I be forgotten so easy... Sorry for the ramble, Im in a bad place. Because by the time you guys moved on, he had already detached and moved on earlier. He wanted out before he actually got out. So his heart was already his own again, to do with as he wished. He broke up with you, and it was 'fresh' for you. Remember: What your feelings are, are not what his feelings are. You can't project how you feel, and what the relationship's value to you was, onto him. He is not you. He felt - and feels - differently. So your question is redundant. How can he? Because he's not you and doesn't feel the way about it, that you do. His heart isn't broken. He has nothing to heal. That's up to you. And the longer you cling to these feelings of 'why'...? The longer you'll stay stuck in heartbreak. Your choice. Either wring your hands in anguish and lament, or face it, deal with it, and determine to let go and move on. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 On point as always, Tara!!! Like me, you do not apply sugar to the coating
SoThatHappened Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Well we've been talking a lot lately where before we didn't and I prodded and prodded and admitted there was a girl he had been interested in after we broke up and they had hung out a few times but it was going no where. I assume he broke up with you, so why are you talking to him? Also, why are you surprised to hear there's someone else he's interested in? Cut ties. You do not sound emotionally capable of hanging on to him. If he wants you back, he will find you. In the meantime, act like he died. Literally. Grieve, mourn, pick yourself up, and do you. That's all you can do. Don't base your life on what he wants. You'll regret it if you do.
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