Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) So I've spent hours on here for the last 2 days. Seems like a good place to let it out. I had a reputation for never being a good guy. I was never loyal when I was younger, and i had a 5 year relationship with someone I didn't love. I never experienced a real relationship or love because of children. And then I met her. I was in a dark place when I met her and she completely turned my life around and built me up. We had that instant click so many people look for, those permanent butterflies. We dated for about 2 months and I got into some trouble and jail time was looming over our heads. So we spent every second together, she moved in with me and became my partner in life, she was great to my kids, parents, and friends. She took us as her little family. Everything was so genuine. I was determined to do right by her, I never disrespected her when we got into the little tiffs every relationship has, I never strayed, and I wanted to good for her to be proud to be with me. Eventually I had to serve some time, 5 months. And she stuck by me the whole time, money every week so I could live comfortable in there and call her everynight. Her schedule is kind of hectic but she made sure to make time for my little ones every week. We talked about marriage, matching tattoos, and she even tried to buy us a house. But then I started to get kind of moody on the weekends, when she would go out. All the stories I heard in there got the best of me. I asked for more of her time, I put a lot of pressure, guilt, and stress on her. And eventually her situation at home changed, more family obligations and it changed our plans for the future. She couldn't move back in with me and things seemed to be going backwards, I didn't take to well, I tried to solve problems that just needed time. She said she didn't want to do anything rash and that she wanted to figure out how we could work when I came home in two weeks, that wasn't good enough. And eventually she got fed up. She brought my stuff to my parents and is set that she doesn't want or isn't ready for a serious relationship. But it's all we talked about. I begged for her back and she politely declined. I spent 3 days writing a letter admitting my wrongs, and left it at that for the rest of the two weeks I was in there. When I came home I had the hope of a face to face talk. So I told her it was a cop out to not have a conversation like we had planned. I sent her pics of our happy times and asked her how easy it was to delete them for her. She asked me to stop because she didn't want to feel ****ty, so I did. Had I just stfu and waited 2 weeks I wouldn't be here writing this, I know this. It's been 2 days of nc, I'm still at the obsessively hurt, hoping stage. But I took the advice on here and deleted and blocked eveything. She has had about a month head start and I'm just on day 2. If there's ever such a thing as love, this was it. I hear I should fight for her back, I also hear I should give her time. I'm torn. All in all we were together almost years.If you made it this far, thank you for your time. Edited August 17, 2015 by Firstheartbreaksux
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 I'm so stupid, I pushed away the girl that did everything for me. I tried to push my way into her life instead of get in where I fit in. If she would sit with me, look me in the eyes, and let me hold her, I'm convinced everything feel right again. If she could hear the thoughts in my head, it could be what it should've been. I learned my lesson jesus, let's give it another shot.
seasickpeeve Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 This reminds me of a line from a film 'the one you let your guard down for delivers the knock out punch'. Must be rubbish to have lost the first person you put your love and trust into. From the way you acted, which I don't blame you for because it's an unusual situation, has probably given doubts that you can respect her space. Give her all the space in the world now and if she is in anyway still interested you'll find that out in time. Let it be a lesson not to push or control others.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Lesson learned. That waiting is the killer, thanks for taking time to reply
Yummm Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 The 'waiting' is what's going to make you suffer. You need to focus on you, let go of 'hope' (this is the hardest part) but you will eventually feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Focus on making your life about you again, re-direct your energy towards yourself, give all the love you gave to your ex towards you again. IF she comes back then you can make the decision when that arises, but for now, move forward. Best of luck 1
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 That's the plan. She said she isn't ready for a serious relationship. But I think what she wasn't ready for was the stress, can't blame her for that. But who wouldn't want the pure love that was there. Meh, I'm stuck in my head. Thank you for the advice
aloneinaz Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Your only shot at her giving you another chance is to VANISH from her life. She asked for time and space and you need to give it to her. Smothering her or staying in contact with her will only push her further away. As YUMM stated, you should start getting your head wrapped around the idea that you may never hear from her again. Start working on your life and get yourself on a good track for future success. The more time you spend in NC, the easier it becomes to accept that it may be over and you need to move on.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 my mind agrees, heart doesnt. But after all the time if spent o this site, and after all the stories I've read and advice given I know it's what I have to do. This site and the people here are amazing. I'm glad I found LS almost immediately or who knows where I'd be mentally. Thanks for your time.
aloneinaz Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 my mind agrees, heart doesnt. But after all the time if spent o this site, and after all the stories I've read and advice given I know it's what I have to do. This site and the people here are amazing. I'm glad I found LS almost immediately or who knows where I'd be mentally. Thanks for your time. Welcome Keep reading here on this site. I also learned A TON when I went thru a nasty break up a few years ago. Lots of nice folks that are giving back after healing and moving on. By vanishing from her life, you're not only giving her the space she's requested but you're also showing pride and good self esteem to not beg, plead and cry over her. The other thing this does is it provides her an opportunity to miss you. Again, the VAST majority of dumpers don't return and I'm a believer that once a R/S breaks up, it should really stay that way.
Author Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 I already did the begging for her back, all I got was "I'm sorry" But I guess I can keep what dignity I have left with nc. I would be lying if I said I don't want her to come back. But I can't live my life waiting for it. I hope to be one of those people giving back one day.
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