Author Jaggerz Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 I've been very busy this past weekend. Lots of parties to go to and people to meet. A friend had told me my ex was looking for a new place with a female friend of hers. Durting the weekend I received some envelopes. They were addressed to that friend of my ex. I sent a message to the friend to come and pick up the envelopes. However, when I was about to leave the apartment, my ex was there. She wanted to talk about how distant I had been in the last weeks. And that she really did care about me. She was saying all this in tears while I sat on the couch, unimpressed. When she asked me if I wanted to do something sometime, I said maybe. I said we have never been friends and that I am not sure if it will work. I could see in her eyes that it caused a bit of a shock, and the tears became worse. She admitted that she had been crying lately, and that she hasn't done much in the last weeks. In the end, I said; "I can see you have a hard time with this", and gave her a hug. She started crying. I told her to go and she did. In a way, it was good to see that she too, was having a hard time leaving me behind. Makes me a little less worthless, I guess Today she was by and put her stuff in boxes while I was at work. The boxes almost reach the ceiling and the apartment looks awfully empty. It's not even all of it, but hopefully it will be gone soon. It doesn't summon hurtful feelings, but I'd like to start to feel like this is now MY place.
Chi townD Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Well, you hit her with the truth. You're not friends with her. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her. You may not feel it right now, but that visit might have knocked you back a few pegs in your healing. Be mindful of that. Plus, I have a feeling she isn't done. If I had to guess, when she finally picks up the last of her stuff, I wouldn't be shocked if she left you a letter. Be mindful of that too.
Author Jaggerz Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 Well, you hit her with the truth. You're not friends with her. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her. You may not feel it right now, but that visit might have knocked you back a few pegs in your healing. Be mindful of that. Plus, I have a feeling she isn't done. If I had to guess, when she finally picks up the last of her stuff, I wouldn't be shocked if she left you a letter. Be mindful of that too. Yeah, I was fearful of that too. That's why I didn't jump at the chance to be friends. The ball is still very much in my court and I don't plan to kick it anytime soon. You are right she isn't done. For example, I noticed she has been leaving a few items behind that are obviously hers, but hold some kind of meaning to the relationship, set up in plain sight so I'd find them. This goes against her own words that she doesn't want her moving out to be confronting (she left the moving boxes because of heavy rain) everything else of hers is boxed up. I clearly told her to take everything that was hers, yet she intentionally leaves those little items. I don't really know what to make of this. If she does leave a letter then you can tell me the lottery numbers, but yeah, they sure make a drama movie out of this, don't they. I'll be careful and keep focussing on my goals.
Author Jaggerz Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 Guess I survived another week. It wasn't a very exciting week. My work was just plain boring, a silent office. And at home, I really didn't know what to do with myself. One evening I spent with two friends having some beers and eating at a restaurant. I enjoyed that evening very much - something I can't say about the evenings alone. The running still helps a lot. Last time I went, the skies split open with a bizarre amount of rain again. Out there, I am alone, but at least with a goal and a destination. At home it's very pointless, lonely and isolated.
Author Jaggerz Posted September 13, 2015 Author Posted September 13, 2015 Update! it has been a while. I have been feeling perfectly OK since my last post. I don't even think about her anymore, I've been very busy, and I even started out on a dating site. I met a girl on the dating site, we really hit it off and were supposed to meet on friday, but she 'couldn't make it but I feel so bad about it'. She wanted to reschedule to monday, but there is radio silence from her since (if I blew someone off a day before a date and had to reschedule, I would at least send some messages to seem sincere), so I feel like she probably won't even show up, so I moved on. Talked to another girl, also hit it off, date next friday! All very exciting after all those years.
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