BouncingBack Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Hi everyone. Been lurking here of a couple of weeks and decided to join in. I'm 38 year old guy and my second marriage ended in February. I won't go into full detail as the past few years feel like an epic saga of woe lol. But in a nut shell my first marriage ended back in March 2009 when my ex (first) did the dirty on me and left to be with someone else. The marriage wasn't in a good state and I take a good part of the blame for that, even though I loved her I can see now that we didn't match up. She is now married to the guy and they have a child together. She has since got in contact with me a couple of times to say how sorry she is for the way she ended it. At the time I was angry but over the years I've made my peace with it and told her there are no hard feeling and it's in the past. At the time I went into a right state and I foolishly let my heart take charge and off I went on a major rebound. In about a month I had signed up to couple of dating sites and was out on dates. When I look back I cringe because I was sooooo insecure and needy, how I got dates I do not know but they didn't turn out good. After a few months and nothing working I went into depression. Late 2009 I was in a relationship with a girl I knew from years ago, we just happen to bump into each other and hit it off. It only lasted a month because she also was struggling with depression and it ended badly. It was at this point I decided to take a break from the dating and just get on with life. At the end of 2010 I got into a relationship with a woman who was to be my second wife. We where friends for a few years and she could see I had depression and tried to support me, but she was also going through a nasty time and I tried to support her. She was married to a man who was sexually abusing her, all their friends didn't want to know and had taken his side (he's a good lier) so I stayed with her, As you can imagine and man and a women both in emotional pain supporting each other, something was bound to happen and it did. We ended up having an affair. She divorced him and we got married. We had a bit of hassle from his friends, spreading lies to get us into trouble with the authority.........oh and the face pulling in the street lol. The second marriage struggled not only with the external problems from others but I still was not fully healed and I can guess she was struggling with things from the past. I (like a lot of others) have face a number of hard times over my life and she also went through some hard times which I think she still struggles with. I think we where both insecure and we argued a lot. Two months after we separated she had got into a relationship with one of her male friends. His wife left him for someone else and she (second ex) had been supporting him, I can't help but think there is some sort of irony going on here lol. I got on well with her family and still have her sister and half brother on my facebook. her sister said that they (the family) don't like this new guy and my ex and her sister had a falling out over him. Since the end of the second marriage instead of my heart I have put my head in charge and staying away from dating till I can sort myself out. I have done a lot of soul searching. I realise there have been a lot of things from the past that I have not had closure from, I had also developed a negative mindset. I have made some huge changes to my life, taken up jogging for physical and mental well being. I'm looking to joining some groups/clubs to get more sociable (I have struggled with social anxiety in the past), to build up my confidence and to make new friends. I'm working on personal development to change how I think and perceive things. I have also come to realise from past relationships because of my social anxiety I use to take the first girl who showed interest when really I need a girl who I have chemistry with. I feel like I am battling with myself because even though I have a plan for what I need to do, I can still feel my heart aching to find and have someone. I know at this moment in time I'm not ready for a relationship but it doesn't take the feeling of loss away. I know I shouldn't but I feel less of a person when single. I also feel a great sense of failure with two broken marriages. From time to time I can feel my heart sinking, especially when I see couples together. I think sometimes I just need to have a good rant I guess that's why I singed up on here, I have had some friends offer my an ear when I need it but I don't want to keep off loading my problems onto them as they have their own problems. So I keep all this bottled up. I'm sorry that you still got an epic sage with this post, I did do my best to shorten it. Thanks for reading.
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