Acrobaticdealer Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Hi everyone I'll try and keep this short and sweet. Ex GF and I broke up 3 years ago. Went through the standard post break up meltdown. Tried to get her back and succeeded momentarily only for her to change her mind again. This all lasted a few months and somewhere between me losing two stone in weight/having a semi breakdown and me putting all my energy into trying to "win her back" I saw the light and came out the other end a bit tender but on the road to recovery. Fast forward to present day- it still hurts! It pains me to admit that to myself but it does. I was thinking of a good analogy for this pain and it's almost like a disease or illness that lays dormant in your body but then wakes up when you give it the right conditions. A bit like shingles if anyone's heard of it? Anyway, I still think of her most days (mostly before falling asleep). I think of what I'd say if I ever heard from her again, the good times and the bad. Day to day, I'm pretty fine it's just.... STILL THERE!! eeek! When she left me , she left the country (she moved to my country to be with me) and went home. When she left, I knew I'd never see her again and it was devastating! Hence my breakdown and general neediness post breakup. My fears were true, I never heard from her again!! I've managed to completely avoid anything to do with her for three years (Facebook etc) and I told all our mutual friends that I didn't wanna know! This worked for me moving on and it felt better picturing her as she WAS and just keeping her in my heart that way. Anyway, a few days ago, I met up with some mutual friends and one of them mentioned something (doh!) ....It wasn't the news that was shocking, it was just hearing something about the girl I loved and who I've kept in my heart all this time. Honestly, It knocked me for six! My heart was beating though my chest, throat closed up, head started spinning (crazy!) ...it wasn't even big news!!! It just made me think "WTF!!" Why does this still have the power to effect me like this!?" Why do I still care so much?! Some advice would be great. I'm not planning on getting in touch with her at this stage but sometimes it does cross my mind. Important note- I don't have a girlfriend and I've only casually dated a few people in those 3 years and I realise that that's a big reason why I still care. Thanks
Gus Grimly Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 These things take time. Take as long as you need to recover. One day you'll stop thinking of her and finally be able to let go. You should definitely get back out there and start dating again, but only if you feel ready. It's not easy and there is no legit timeframe when getting over someone you truly loved. The only thing you can do is try. You're gonna be okay. P.S. Do not, under any circumstances contact her. (I know you weren't considering it, but just wanted to throw that out there.) 1
xpaperxcutx Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 If you are still stuck on your ex after three years it meant that you haven't really embraced the idea of moving on from her. You may have had short dates in between but how much of it were you trying to get to know someone with the possibilities of starting something new with them? I'm at the 8 month mark of my breakup and I have had only setbacks because I broke NC. If I really want to, I want to let go and move on. I watch alot of Youtube videos to help build my self-esteem and I also remind mysef that my ex is not my soulmate. If you were adamant about moving on, at the 1-year mark you would have realized that your ex isn't the one.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I'm sorry for your suffering. It sounds like you've held religiously to NC. Good for you! That takes a lot. I don't know what the news was, but my guess is that in a few weeks it will start to lose its impact. Why not make some efforts in the coming months to amp up your dating life a little bit? Get involved in some different things. No pressure to find "the one" but just widen your social circle. Do some OLD'ing. Ask out that barista at the cafe. Let's pour a little diesel in your tank. 1
EgoJoe Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I second the previous post. Go out with four new women a month and deliberately end things when it's not going perfectly.
erklat Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 If you were adamant about moving on, at the 1-year mark you would have realized that your ex isn't the one. I totally disagree with this. @op I know how exactly you feel. Somewhere mid 2012 I was busted by my then SO for reading his to get over your ex articles. That was about 2.5 years, or a little under, since our breakup. Today I'm totally numb. I might even apologize for treating her like filth. It's nothing better with my current ex. Next month will be two years since our breakup and I still have extreme pangs of regret. I totally understand your feelings.
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