Maxmw18 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Hi guys I'm 18 and my heart has just been shattered. It's my first post on here and I'm posting on here because I don't know what else to do. I am totally devastated. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me. It happened abruptly with no warning. I was moody for about 3 weeks because she had told me she would break up with me if I joined the Royal Marines (My childhood dream). So naturally I was a little depressed and didn't know what to do. Then the next thing that happens is that she breaks up with me - She said I was too over-protective and our relationship was too intense. I agree that I am too overprotective but I can't help it. I've had a rough upbringing that made it that way and she didn't do much to help in regards to that. She always flirted with guys and constantly texted and talked to random guys who sometimes were definitely not friends. I was always so good to her. I loved her so much. She meant absolutely everything to me. She was my everything. We went on a break about a year ago because at the time I we both needed space but apart form that it's been great. And now I've heard on the grapevine that she is with some new guy. And she slept with him last night. And it literally just made me cry all over again. I cry every night. I can't stop. I am so so so miserable. I am trying so hard to get her back but I don't know how. I miss her so much. And I am so so scared that she was the one and I am never gonna find another girl like her. I'm sorry this is so big but I am just so utterly dead inside. I don't know how to cope
spiderowl Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I am very sorry to hear what has happened. It is a total shock to the system when something like this happens and you will need time to work through this pain and recover. You will recover even if you don't think so at the moment. I think that when a relationship breaks up it is because the conscious and unconscious elements of both people are interacting and accepting or pushing away the various parts. For example, there is protectiveness - which is often welcome - and there is too much focus on the person. But this is not a matter of faults, it is more a question of overall comfort with the other person. In your heart, you want to be a marine. In her heart, she might want a guy who sticks around and does the normal things in life. You both become aware of the difference and your individual reactions to this can have a knock-on effect. With something so important as your vocation, she would be in a no-win situation: if she says please don't do it, you would be unhappy (and you were displaying this by being moody); if she doesn't say anything, she would be unhappy and uncertain about her future. The tension pushed you apart. It only takes one other factor, like a new guy appearing who she likes and who does not want to be in the forces, to trigger uncertainty and then a sudden split. I know it hurts like hell and you want her back, but try to see this as a manifestation of mutually incompatible goals. By leaving, she is allowing you to take forward your other dream of being in the marines. I know it's not fair you should have only one or the other at this point, but there will be a girl in the future who will be happy to be a forces wife and who you will feel as passionately about. You will need to heal from this relationship first. Healing is a process; it doesn't happen instantly, it happens bit by bit, with emotions all over the place, love/hate/anger/grief, then gradual realisation bit by bit that you weren't going in the same direction no matter how much you were attracted to each other. I don't expect any of this to be reassuring to you or to make the pain go away and I feel for you. Once you have decided she's gone and that you won't hang around waiting for her to change her mind, you will gain new strength. She was not destined to be a marine's wife and if you two had continued maybe the same thing would have happened further along the line. It is probably best you have chance now to think about the kind of person you do need in your life who can be a real part of your future. Meanwhile, take care of yourself and know that you are a great guy who has a lot to offer a girl whose goals are similar to yours. xx
Qboro90 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 From what you wrote it actually seems that while you may have been a pretty good BF (besides the over protectiveness) she wasn't a very good gf at all. Texting and talking to other guys is a big no no especially if she and you both know that some if not all of them had crushes on her or she had hooked up with them in the past. A girl that does that is just a ticking time bomb before she ended up cheating on you. Who knows, she may have but you just were too blinded by your love for her to realize. You absolutely cannot give up your dream of being in the Royal Marines just to be with this girl and do what she wants. You'll regret that the rest of your life. I know it doesn't seem like it now but trust me, this girl was not the one, and you will find another that will make you look back and think "jeez what the heck was I so upset about, she definitely wasn't the girl I want/need". I also think you need to stop putting to much emphasis And emotion into whoever it is you're dating. A gf/BF should never be anyone's entire life. That's unattractive and unhealthy. You should be able to have fun and enjoy your time together but your happiness cannot be dictated solely on the status of your girlfriend. I'm sure it was cute and lovable when you started dating but eventually I'm sure your over protectiveness and needy/clingy behavior started to get under her skin and aggravate her. The fact that she's with someone else already just means that she is your typical 18-22 year old female. She's exploring dating and life after her first love. You will too once you realize that she did enough things on her own where you shouldn't broken up with her so once you stop only viewing the lovey dovey memories with her you'll move on too. Go no contact and stick to it... Once you're a marine you'll see that chicks are drawn to those kind of men like moths to a flame so look forward to that. 2
Author Maxmw18 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Thank you so much guys. Helping loads. I appreciate all the stuff you guys said and I guess your right. But she just meant so much to me and I am so scared I won't find someone like her again
Chi townD Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Dude! Go join the Royal Marines! Nothing is holding you back! Dude, she broke up with you and literally jumped someone else's bones. That is a level of disrespect that is unmeasurable. No mourning the loss of you or the relationship. So, go follow your dreams. Royal Marines are pretty bad ass (not as bad ass as U.S. Marines ). DO what's going to make you happy. So, go see a recruiter and see about signing up. You need to focus on YOU and what is going to make YOU happy. There is a level of honor and respect that comes with wearing the uniform. You'll know what I mean when you finish basic training. You got tons of guys that are unemployed and not doing anything. The military is going to give you focus and direction. Now, I don't know what kind of benefits your country affords to your veterans, but in the U.S., it's a pretty sweet deal. Like, education benefits. Use them to better yourself. Look, she made a choice. And she decided to dump you, which could probably be the best thing that could ever happen to you. Yeah, you got blindsided, BUT YOU HAVE OPTIONS!!!! Time to close that chapter in your life and time to open up a new one. Where you're going to be trained as a Marine and you get to travel the world on the governments dime! Can't beat that!
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