katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Is it not just as arrogant for the OP to go on a date with said guy and then totally ignore him? cessna, apologies....I should not have said ignore per se, as that implies he had been texting/calling and she ignored him. But had it happened that way, and she was ignoring him (his texts and/or calls)... YES, that would be rude (not sure about arrogant (meaning presumptuous))...but definitely rude. What I meant was that, after their first meet, she made no effort to get in touch again - she did not send a text thanking him for the date, nor did she send a text letting him know it was nice meeting him, which most women would do IF they had an interest in pursuing it. At least a "thank you ...it was so nice to meet you" text. Especially if he paid...hehe. At least I would have. And the OP said herself that had she been interested, she would have texted him. I think when two people meet on line and then meet in person for the first time, if there is no chemistry, no click, then it's fine to just go separate ways. Nothing needs to be said. No formal rejection needed. IMO the only time a formal rejection is needed is when one person is pursuing the other - displaying a clear interest in that person. A rejection in that case is warranted and is the nice and courteous thing to do. Rather than just ignore the person texting and calling.. But in the OP's case, she said it was clear there was no chemistry when they met for the first time. An entire week passed, neither one reached out. Until after a week, he sends her a formal rejection adding "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy." Now that I think about it....it's actually quite hilarious. LOL But adding that little quip would be considered quite presumptuous on his part (my opinion) - presuming she would be devastated when clearly she had no interest him, which I am sure he knew. On some level, a part of me thinks he wanted to get a reaction....because seriously who says that? After a first meet, when it was clear there was no chemistry on both sides. Anyhoo....that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it!! hehe lol :) 1
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Also katie's not a "man-hater" with a massive shoulder chip lol, just a thoughtful woman who I happen to love and respect to bits! Thank you...and ditto right back at ya!!! ;) ((hugs)) 1
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I think if you are going to text someone after a date (which I still don't think is necessary, but in this case i'd chalk it up to a difference in views), its better to do it within the first two days and in that case its totally normal. After a week, I think it just gets weird and presumptuous. And for the love of god please none of that "don't be devestated, i'm sure you will find a nice guy someday!" stuff. jen, ^^ here is the post (partial post) wherein she says he made that comment. It's in quotes so I assume he said it....
cessna Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 cessna, apologies....I should not have said ignore per se, as that implies he had been texting/calling and she ignored him. But had it happened that way, and she was ignoring him (his texts and/or calls)... YES, that would be rude (not sure about arrogant (meaning presumptuous))...but definitely rude. What I meant was that, after their first meet, she made no effort to get in touch again - she did not send a text thanking him for the date, nor did she send a text letting him know it was nice meeting him, which most women would do IF they had an interest in pursuing it. At least a "thank you ...it was so nice to meet you" text. Especially if he paid...hehe. At least I would have. And the OP said herself that had she been interested, she would have texted him. I think when two people meet on line and then meet in person for the first time, if there is no chemistry, no click, then it's fine to just go separate ways. Nothing needs to be said. No formal rejection needed. IMO the only time a formal rejection is needed is when one person is pursuing the other - displaying a clear interest in that person. A rejection in that case is warranted and is the nice and courteous thing to do. Rather than just ignore the person texting and calling.. But in the OP's case, she said it was clear there was no chemistry when they met for the first time. An entire week passed, neither one reached out. Until after a week, he sends her a formal rejection adding "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy." Now that I think about it....it's actually quite hilarious. LOL But adding that little quip would be considered quite presumptuous on his part (my opinion) - presuming she would be devastated when clearly she had no interest him, which I am sure he knew. On some level, a part of me thinks he wanted to get a reaction....because seriously who says that? After a first meet, when it was clear there was no chemistry on both sides. Anyhoo....that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it!! hehe lol :) Why is it any different if two people meet online rather than, say, at a bar? Seeing as it is the man who is usually expected to pay for a first date I would be pretty pissed off if I took a girl on a date, paid for her and then got no thank you after all of that. I wouldn't expect her to like me, I would expect some common courtesy, though.
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Why is it any different if two people meet online rather than, say, at a bar? Seeing as it is the man who is usually expected to pay for a first date I would be pretty pissed off if I took a girl on a date, paid for her and then got no thank you after all of that. I wouldn't expect her to like me, I would expect some common courtesy, though. Okay I see your point. If he paid, then, for me, I would thank him at the end of the date saying "thank you for dinner (or lunch or whatevs), it was nice meeting you." Or even if he did NOT pay, at the end of the date, I would say "it was nice meeting you"! Which it would be, as I enjoy meeting new people whether I click with them or not. I would NOT reach out in a text after that.... as I would NOT want to mis-lead him in any way. And this holds true whether meeting someone on line or in real life.
cessna Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I still think a quick text after the date, good or bad, to let the other person know where they stand is the decent thing to do and let's face it, it only takes a few seconds to send a text. People will say the clichéd line of ' but he/she doesn't owe them anything.' Well, no one owes anyone anything. Do I hold doors open for people because I owe them that? No, I do it because it's the polite, decent thing to do. This is no different.
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) I still think a quick text after the date, good or bad, to let the other person know where they stand is the decent thing to do and let's face it, it only takes a few seconds to send a text. People will say the clichéd line of ' but he/she doesn't owe them anything.' Well, no one owes anyone anything. Do I hold doors open for people because I owe them that? No, I do it because it's the polite, decent thing to do. This is no different. You will get no argument about that from me cessna... I am all for being polite and courteous. I just never needed it...but then again most guys I went out with wanted a second date with me!! :) In which case, if I was not interested, I always sent them a text saying "thank you, but I did not feel enough chemistry to pursue further. Good luck." Anyway, I think the time to send the text would be right after the date (like you said) or the next day. Not an entire week later when it's pretty clear by then there was no interest on either side....but that's just me. Edited August 19, 2015 by katiegrl
Recommended Posts