autumnnight Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I'm not angry, just was briefly annoyed. I wasn't planning on even contacting him, but if he contacted me I would have been direct. And if he didn't contact me, I would have assumed he wasn't interested. I just don't think there is a need to say it. Thee are entire threads written by men who DO want some sort of "official announcement of disinterest" even before a date. So maybe this is a man/woman difference. He felt he needed to give you a no thanks, you were fine just moving on. It happens. No biggie. 1
autumnnight Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 this. jeez. this is such a non-thing to even care about. Should of been a blip on the radar. When did people become so thinned skinned and need to analyze everything. There was a date. It didn't wow anyone. One party thought it was fine to just move on. The other party felt like they needed to "sew things up." There IS no right or wrong here, just different views.
jen1447 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Maybe I'm missing sth but I really didn't see anything to be terribly offended by in OP's story ....? (I mean by the fact the guy texted back specifically.) 3
Author La Trese Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) When did people become so thinned skinned and need to analyze everything. There was a date. It didn't wow anyone. One party thought it was fine to just move on. The other party felt like they needed to "sew things up." There IS no right or wrong here, just different views. I mean don't you think that after a week is a little weird and goes beyond "sewing things up"? As Katie said most people won't wait a week for someone after just one date. One day after the date or two...preferably even right after the date would make so much more sense to send a rejection text because thats the awk period you are not sure if the person is slow at responding or they are not interested. But after a week its just common sense they have moved on after only one date. Plus the babying part was the part that was a bit offputting not the rejection itself -- that part was mutual. To put it into perspective. I once went on a REALLY awkward date with a guy. Well after the dinner I offered to pay my half because I didn't want to lead him on, he didn't offer a second date, and then we went our separate ways. He texted me right after the date saying "hey! Was it just me or was that really awkward?" and I basically responded to him "haha no I def did too". And he responded "too bad, you are extremely attractive. welp good luck!" and I told him "same to you, my friend". We left it at that, we both knew right away, no assumptions the other is devastated everything is good. I think if you are going to text someone after a date (which I still don't think is necessary, but in this case i'd chalk it up to a difference in views), its better to do it within the first two days and in that case its totally normal. After a week, I think it just gets weird and presumptuous. And for the love of god please none of that "don't be devestated, i'm sure you will find a nice guy someday!" stuff. Edited August 17, 2015 by La Trese
LoveRefreshed Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 First of all, you have a phD and a great sense of humor? Holy ****! You should be CONFIDENT that you are a catch. :-) Also i've had guys ignore my first message on okcupid as well. Its perfectly okay and thats nothing to take personally. This is a little different though. Its like losing contact with a guy over ok cupid you have been messaging, and then a week later out of the blue him messaging he isn't interested. Its at least a little weird, or at least thats what I think. My sense of humor only works in person and I don't tell people I have a phD. The same reason I don't tell people that I haven't known for a long time that I've played guitar for 10 years. It seems like conceited things to do. I am super confident, I use OLD to put that in check. Nothing like being stood up or ignored Generally, I agree, I wouldn't have sent a message a week later that I wasn't interested. At that point, I would wait and if you contacted me, then say it. Though in the end, this guy could just be trying to be polite and it doesn't always work. I had a 80%+ match with a girl on OKC. We had the same music and books listed in our profiles, and both educated. She was attractive and I'm chubby. Her response was "I just wanted to respond to your message since it was thoughtful and funny. Not like most of the messages I get. It's just that we don't have enough in common and you're not my type, so I don't think we're a match". So while she may be trying to be nice, that is a blatant lie. She should have just said I was too chubby for her. We all go through it. I was pissed off, and I understand why you are too, but I really don't think his intentions were bad. However, as the saying goes, The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 You felt no romantic spark on the first date. So this isn't a guy you truly wanted to see again anyways. That's why I don't see what the issue is here. If anything, you should feel relieved that he feels the same way and you didn't have to deal with him repeatedly asking you out. Does this have more to do w-your ego being bruised because a guy who didn't meet your standards rejected you?
katiegrl Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) You felt no romantic spark on the first date. So this isn't a guy you truly wanted to see again anyways. That's why I don't see what the issue is here. If anything, you should feel relieved that he feels the same way and you didn't have to deal with him repeatedly asking you out. Does this have more to do w-your ego being bruised because a guy who didn't meet your standards rejected you? ff, I understand how she feels. It's not hurt and it's not bruised ego. It's merely annoyance at the arrogance. And she's venting here about that annoyance, which is what this board is for -- venting. Specifically, clearly she was not interested, and as I said previously he would have to be a complete moron not to know that....after one week with no thanks for the date, enjoyed meeting you.... nothing. Yet after one week, he felt compelled to send her a formal rejection (when she already essentially rejected him by ignoring him) and then adds this: >>Don't be devastated, i'm sure you will find a nice guy someday!" Give me a f*ckin break, please. She has a right to be annoyed by that, and again she was venting here about it which she is entitled to do without being criticized for it. Or accused of caring or having a bruised ego. It's annoyance at the arrogance, and that's it... And BTW, you have said yourself many times you PREFER, when a chick isn't interested, she just not contact you again.... That said, how would you feel if after one week, with NO word from you whatsoever after a first MEET, she sends you a formal rejection... and then tells you not to be devastated, you will find the right girl some day. I KNOW you would feel annoyed by that.... Edited August 17, 2015 by katiegrl
phineas Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Are you kidding me? How about she never even thanked him for the date, nor had she sent so much as a text .... after the first meet! He would have to be a complete moron not to know she wasn't interested ......hello!!!! Or an effing genius that trolled her so good she had to go on loveshack & make a post about it.
phineas Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 ff, I understand how she feels. It's not hurt and it's not bruised ego. It's merely annoyance at the arrogance. And she's venting here about that annoyance, which is what this board is for -- venting. Specifically, clearly she was not interested, and as I said previously he would have to be a complete moron not to know that....after one week with no thanks for the date, enjoyed meeting you.... nothing. Yet after one week, he felt compelled to send her a formal rejection (when she already essentially rejected him by ignoring him) and then adds this: >>Don't be devastated, i'm sure you will find a nice guy someday!" Give me a f*ckin break, please. She has a right to be annoyed by that, and again she was venting here about it which she is entitled to do without being criticized for it. Or accused of caring or having a bruised ego. It's annoyance at the arrogance, and that's it... And BTW, you have said yourself many times you PREFER, when a chick isn't interested, she just not contact you again.... That said, how would you feel if after one week, with NO word from you whatsoever after a first MEET, she sends you a formal rejection... and then tells you not to be devastated, you will find the right girl some day. I KNOW you would feel annoyed by that.... Well, If this is how she reacts to a mild annoyance I feel sorry for the guy she decides is worthy to date.
katiegrl Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) Well, If this is how she reacts to a mild annoyance I feel sorry for the guy she decides is worthy to date. To you it's a mild annoyance, but as a woman, when faced with men's arrogance enough times, it kinda gets to you. Just as I am sure there are things about a woman or her behavior that annoy YOU ... but would NOT annoy a woman. Feeling annoyed is subjective....everyone is different and thus will react differently. That said, I hear ya. I probably would not have felt compelled to start a thread about it. I have dealt with worse believe me.... But I understand why she did.... just needed to vent, and like was mentioned earlier, it DID make for a lively discussion, which is always a good thing IMO. Edited August 17, 2015 by katiegrl
Sweet Workaholic Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Why worry about things done by people we don't want in our lives? I have enough to do caring for the folks who are in mine. Erase your memory of him & his text and on to the next date
yxalitis Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Deb where were you when someone started a thread venting that a girl didn't respond to him....asking all woman to just tell him they are not interested. My thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/542217-ladies-spread-word 1
Bobbi7 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Don't give any "false hope." Like if one of them says, "I'll call you, I'll text you, we should do this again sometime." NO, NO, NO. I've had guys say this to me on the first date..when in reality that was a lie and he didn't mean it. And bam! I never heard from them again, no text, no calls, no nothing. Only if-for my case the guy starts actually planning the next date during the first date-then that's a 2nd date in the works.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Don't give any "false hope." Like if one of them says, "I'll call you, I'll text you, we should do this again sometime." NO, NO, NO. I've had guys say this to me on the first date..when in reality that was a lie and he didn't mean it. And bam! I never heard from them again, no text, no calls, no nothing. Only if-for my case the guy starts actually planning the next date during the first date-then that's a 2nd date in the works. We had one poster agree to a second date because he was put on the spot, even tho he didn't find her attractive....he was asking us how to back out of it.
autumnnight Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I gotta ask...since all he basically did was wish her good luck....how is it again that we KNOW he's arrogant and not just....too polite? 3
jen1447 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I gotta ask...since all he basically did was wish her good luck....how is it again that we KNOW he's arrogant and not just....too polite? I agree ....it sounds more like the fault lies with OP for taking offense at sth that wasn't objectively offensive.
Wisegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 A similar thing just happened to me yesterday. I went out with a guy last Thursday and when I got home he texted me asking me if I wanted to go on a second date. I said sure. He tried to set it up that night but it was late and I had work the next morning and asked if we could talk later. He said of course. I hear nothing from him on Friday until about 9 pm so which was like one text about something he was doing. The next day nothing until I texted him around noon and again not really responding. Saturday afternoon he asks what I am doing Sunday and I tell him dinner with my parents. I hear nothing else until yesterday which is Tuesday he texted me telling me he was sorry the chemistry wasnt there. At least he texted me. My guess is he wanted me to chase him and I just dont do that. I wrote back telling him that since I havent heard much from him I assumed he lost interest. I wished him good luck as well. It happens and I quit analyzing the whys....not worth my time.
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) I agree ....it sounds more like the fault lies with OP for taking offense at sth that wasn't objectively offensive. jen, I did not get that she was *offended.* or took offense. Just annoyed. And not because he rejected her, but because of his comment "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy some day." Lol, devastated? Really? They had one meet, and she essentially already rejected him by ignoring him after their "meet" for an entire week (until his "formal" rejection which she responded to graciously).. But yet he presumes she'd be devastated? LOL She specifically said (later in the thread) it was THAT comment that annoyed her ...not offended, but annoyed. Because let's face it, that comment is rather arrogant and presumptuous. Presuming she'd be "devastated." After one meet, after she essentially already rejected him....no thank you text, no follow up, ignoring him. At least IMO anyway, and apparently in hers too. And she just wanted to vent about it, tis all (she stated as much).. Just like another well-respected male poster created a thread about a chick pulling a no show. He did not care, was not offended, but posted about it simply to vent. That is why this board is here, to vent...and share problems. In the OP's case, the former. Edited August 19, 2015 by katiegrl
Wisegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 A similar thing just happened to me yesterday. I went out with a guy last Thursday and when I got home he texted me asking me if I wanted to go on a second date. I said sure. He tried to set it up that night but it was late and I had work the next morning and asked if we could talk later. He said of course. I hear nothing from him on Friday until about 9 pm so which was like one text about something he was doing. The next day nothing until I texted him around noon and again not really responding. Saturday afternoon he asks what I am doing Sunday and I tell him dinner with my parents. I hear nothing else until yesterday which is Tuesday he texted me telling me he was sorry the chemistry wasnt there. At least he texted me. My guess is he wanted me to chase him and I just dont do that. I wrote back telling him that since I havent heard much from him I assumed he lost interest. I wished him good luck as well. It happens and I quit analyzing the whys....not worth my time.
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 (edited) A similar thing just happened to me yesterday. I went out with a guy last Thursday and when I got home he texted me asking me if I wanted to go on a second date. I said sure. He tried to set it up that night but it was late and I had work the next morning and asked if we could talk later. He said of course. I hear nothing from him on Friday until about 9 pm so which was like one text about something he was doing. The next day nothing until I texted him around noon and again not really responding. Saturday afternoon he asks what I am doing Sunday and I tell him dinner with my parents. I hear nothing else until yesterday which is Tuesday he texted me telling me he was sorry the chemistry wasnt there. At least he texted me. My guess is he wanted me to chase him and I just dont do that. I wrote back telling him that since I havent heard much from him I assumed he lost interest. I wished him good luck as well. It happens and I quit analyzing the whys....not worth my time. I actually think that's cool. At least he didn't add "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy someday." LOL Which is what the OP's guy said which is what annoyed her specifically. She said as much a bit later in the thread. Which I totally get. She was not annoyed at the rejection. Wisegrl, just out of curiosity. How would you have felt if, after he announced there was no chemistry, he added "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy some day'? Me? I would have thought it totally presumptuous and gotten annoyed, but ignored it.... or maybe texted back "LOL" or something obnoxious like that.... But probably just ignored it. It's never happened to me, but knowing me, I am guessing the comment would have annoyed me. But I've dealt with worse, believe me! Edited August 19, 2015 by katiegrl
cessna Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Katiegrl, you seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder got some reason. You come across as a real man hater as well.
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Katiegrl, you seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder got some reason. You come across as a real man hater as well. No I don't hate men, hardly. If I did, I would not be in such a happy RL for five plus years with my BF. What I hate is the arrogance (or what I personally perceive to be arrogance) "some" men display sometimes. That's all....
ZA Dater Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 If you really unlucky they reject before the first date....
cessna Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Is it not just as arrogant for the OP to go on a date with said guy and then totally ignore him?
jen1447 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 jen, I did not get that she was *offended.* or took offense. Just annoyed. And not because he rejected her, but because of his comment "don't be devastated, I am sure you will find the right guy some day." Lol, devastated? Really? They had one meet, and she essentially already rejected him by ignoring him after their "meet" for an entire week (until his "formal" rejection which she responded to graciously).. But yet he presumes she'd be devastated? LOL She specifically said (later in the thread) it was THAT comment that annoyed her ...not offended, but annoyed. Because let's face it, that comment is rather arrogant and presumptuous. Presuming she'd be "devastated." After one meet, after she essentially already rejected him....no thank you text, no follow up, ignoring him. At least IMO anyway, and apparently in hers too. And she just wanted to vent about it, tis all (she stated as much).. Just like another well-respected male poster created a thread about a chick pulling a no show. He did not care, was not offended, but posted about it simply to vent. That is why this board is here, to vent...and share problems. In the OP's case, the former. Was the "devastated" comment actually used tho? I don't remember reading that anywhere and it seemed like OP was just annoyed (not offended, you're right) at the message coming a week after the date mainly. Anyway yeah, she's free to vent and I'm sorry if I seemed to jump her. ~ Also katie's not a "man-hater" with a massive shoulder chip lol, just a thoughtful woman who I happen to love and respect to bits! 1
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