Should a guy/girl reject or ignore after the first date?

[katiegrl]

Or his date with a hotter chick went well Saturday. lol

 

So. That still does not explain why he felt it necessary to *reject* Le Trese, when SHE essentially already rejected him .....as evidenced by the fact she never even thanked him for the date, and made no effort to contact him after their first meet, an entire week prior.

 

Please. That's like telling your boss you quit, after he already fired you. Sort of anyway.

 

Her rejection was implied.

Edited August 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[La Trese]

Or his date with a hotter chick went well Saturday. lol

 

Totally uncool dude. I don't know why my post just makes you so angry for no reason, but honestly your responses say a lot more about you assuming the worst in people than it does about me. Also if met a chick he had more chemistry with/was more attracted to than me, then good for him! I really don't care. Still totally unnecessary of him to text me after a week of no contact and then baby me about finding a the right guy.

[katiegrl]

And soooooooo many women don't want to look needy and expect the guy to make the move first to show his interest in her....like so many thread before this one.

 

 

****And all those thread of guys sending at least 2 texts with no response but ask us if they should text one more time.****

 

Yeah, the guys who post on this forum do that.. which, with due respect to them, have their own issues...

 

But in real life, even tho women don't want to appear needy, the reality is, if she is really into a guy, she's gonna text him afterwards thanking him ...and if she doesn't hear back, will probably text him again!

 

Most men know this too! Have come to expect it even!

[LoveRefreshed]

Well, yes. He may have sent the text because she didn't pursue and his ego was hurt a little. However, I think a lot of guys, if interested, would indeed send a text after a couple days of no response.

 

To plant the seed and then pullback again and see if she chases. I would probably tell a girl much sooner than a week that I wasn't interested, especially if she seemed keen on me.

 

 

Otherwise, yes, I would probably fade, but mutual fade I guess. Basically I don't fade unless she's going to anyway. I didn't want to jump in on this debate because I go around enough asserting my opinion as truth. But, since I'm here now, I would say that the real question is why does OP even care? OP is upset because her ego got slammed and she didn't like being rejected. She wasn't keen on the guy, then why even care what he said? If I didn't like a girl and she texted me that she wasn't interested, I would be like, whew, what a relief. I don't have to be the bad guy this time.

[LoveRefreshed]

Totally uncool dude. .

 

 

Truth hurts, and smackie is a gal ;D

[katiegrl]

Well, yes. He may have sent the text because she didn't pursue and his ego was hurt a little. However, I think a lot of guys, if interested, would indeed send a text after a couple days of no response.

 

To plant the seed and then pullback again and see if she chases. I would probably tell a girl much sooner than a week that I wasn't interested, especially if she seemed keen on me.

 

 

Otherwise, yes, I would probably fade, but mutual fade I guess. Basically I don't fade unless she's going to anyway. I didn't want to jump in on this debate because I go around enough asserting my opinion as truth. But, since I'm here now, I would say that the real question is why does OP even care? OP is upset because her ego got slammed and she didn't like being rejected. She wasn't keen on the guy, then why even care what he said? If I didn't like a girl and she texted me that she wasn't interested, I would be like, whew, what a relief. I don't have to be the bad guy this time.

 

LR, like she said, she doesn't care in the least. Just annoyed by his arrogance in presuming she was interested, when she gave zero indication of anything remotely resembling interest.

 

And then his condescending attitude saying, "you'll find the right guy" blah blah.

 

Hell I'm annoyed by his presumptuousness and arrogance, and it did not even happen to me!

[phineas]

Passive aggressive response like this says to me your ego is just a little burnt around the edges.

 

Also going out of your way to post this thread. If it wasn't a big deal you would have just blown it off and moved. It had to bother you enough to be here.

 

this.

jeez.

this is such a non-thing to even care about.

Should of been a blip on the radar.

[La Trese]

Truth hurts, and smackie is a gal ;D

 

How is that the truth? You haven't seen me or him lol. Honestly i'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I tell you that honestly, I probably was a lot more attractive than the guy and I highly doubt he can do much better looks wise, you would say I am bitter. So no matter what I say, you guys for some reason will attack me, and I think i'm just going to wait for other legitimate opinions because this is absolutely getting ridiculous and off topic. BTW I didn't say that in my original post because I didn't think it mattered and I didn't want to seem shallow.

 

Also I call girls dude haha

[LoveRefreshed]

LR, like she said, she doesn't care in the least. Just annoyed by his arrogance in presuming she was interested, when she gave zero indication of anything remotely resembling interest.

 

And then his condescending attitude saying, "you'll find the right guy" blah blah.

 

Hell I'm annoyed by his presumptuousness and arrogance, and it did not even happen to me!

 

I'm annoyed by the arrogance of women on OLD. Girls who judge me because I'm chubby and don't know that I'm a successful PhD with a great sense of humor and charm that could wake sleeping beauty.

 

 

Every time a girl ignores my thoughtful message, I don't come here to vent about it. The attitude to me, didn't seem arrogant, rather polite. It's the same message girls have written me "I don't think we're a match. You'll find a better suited girl soon, I know it!". To me, it's just the polite thing to do.

[katiegrl]

this.

jeez.

this is such a non-thing to even care about.

Should of been a blip on the radar.

 

In Trese's defense, after her first post, which was just her venting about his arrogance, her posts after that are actually her defending herself against comments made by others.....

[LoveRefreshed]

How is that the truth?

 

 

It might be or it might not be, but a possibility is that his other date might have gone well and then he decided. Maybe he was on the fence and wanted to see how it went with the other gal before telling you that he wasn't interested.

[La Trese]

this.

jeez.

this is such a non-thing to even care about.

Should of been a blip on the radar.

 

Lol wait what? This entire thread is literally the same people commenting back and fourth yet I am the one who gets **** for being active? Its clearly an interesting thread period and an interesting topic so posting says more about the topic than whether I care or not. Also if I cared, then on an anonymous forum where nobody knows who I am, I would damn well just say I cared and ask for advice lol.

[phineas]

In Trese's defense, after her first post, which was just her venting about his arrogance, her posts after that are actually her defending herself against comments made by others.....

 

I'm commenting about the first post.

Why make it?

her ego does sound bruised.

 

especially since she took two paragraphs to rant about it.

[phineas]

Lol wait what? This entire thread is literally the same people commenting back and fourth yet I am the one who gets **** for being active? Its clearly an interesting thread period and an interesting topic so posting says more about the topic than whether I care or not. Also if I cared, then on an anonymous forum where nobody knows who I am, I would damn well just say I cared and ask for advice lol.

 

Yeah.

She not mad.

[katiegrl]

I'm annoyed by the arrogance of women on OLD. Girls who judge me because I'm chubby and don't know that I'm a successful PhD with a great sense of humor and charm that could wake sleeping beauty.

 

 

Every time a girl ignores my thoughtful message, I don't come here to vent about it. The attitude to me, didn't seem arrogant, rather polite. It's the same message girls have written me "I don't think we're a match. You'll find a better suited girl soon, I know it!". To me, it's just the polite thing to do.

 

Fair enough .....but how would you feel if a chick sent a rejection text to you (after meeting you once)... an entire week later, when you showed NO interest in her to begin with.

 

Never contacted her after the meet, nothing. Then a week later, she sends a text rejecting you, telling you you will eventually find the right girl, blah blah.

 

That would not bug you, even a little?

 

Or maybe it would, but not enough to start a thread about?

 

Is that what you're saying?

[cessna]

Big deal. You went through what men go through 90% of the time.

 

I see nothing arrogant or presumptuous in his actions. With all the games that people play in the dating world how was he supposed to know you weren't interested? He might have thought you were playing it cool or playing hard to get as so many people are told to do these days.

 

You've got a bruised ego. You'll survive.

[katiegrl]

Fair enough .....but how would you feel if a chick sent a rejection text to you (after meeting you once)... an entire week later, when you showed NO interest in her to begin with.

 

Never contacted her after the meet, nothing. Then a week later, she sends a text rejecting you, telling you you will eventually find the right girl, blah blah.

 

That would not bug you, even a little?

 

Or maybe it would, but not enough to start a thread about?

 

Is that what you're saying?

 

ETA- Not to mention LR, were you not the one who started a thread this morn about a chick pulling a no show? You said you didn't care, but yet you started a thread about it.

 

How is that different from this?

[La Trese]

Big deal. You went through what men go through 90% of the time.

 

I see nothing arrogant or presumptuous in his actions. With all the games that people play in the dating world how was he supposed to know you weren't interested? He might have thought you were playing it cool or playing hard to get as so many people are told to do these days.

 

You've got a bruised ego. You'll survive.

No playing games is an extremely stupid way to date. I doubt he would assume that.

[La Trese]

I'm commenting about the first post.

Why make it?

her ego does sound bruised.

 

especially since she took two paragraphs to rant about it.

 

Again i'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm not even going to bother defending myself anymore. If people don't want to take my word for it that I don't care -- well then there is nothing I can do about it anymore.

[katiegrl]

Big deal. You went through what men go through 90% of the time.

 

I see nothing arrogant or presumptuous in his actions. With all the games that people play in the dating world how was he supposed to know you weren't interested? He might have thought you were playing it cool or playing hard to get as so many people are told to do these days.

 

You've got a bruised ego. You'll survive.

 

Are you kidding me? How about she never even thanked him for the date, nor had she sent so much as a text .... after the first meet!

 

He would have to be a complete moron not to know she wasn't interested ......hello!!!!

[La Trese]

I'm annoyed by the arrogance of women on OLD. Girls who judge me because I'm chubby and don't know that I'm a successful PhD with a great sense of humor and charm that could wake sleeping beauty.

 

 

Every time a girl ignores my thoughtful message, I don't come here to vent about it. The attitude to me, didn't seem arrogant, rather polite. It's the same message girls have written me "I don't think we're a match. You'll find a better suited girl soon, I know it!". To me, it's just the polite thing to do.

 

First of all, you have a phD and a great sense of humor? Holy ****! You should be CONFIDENT that you are a catch. :-) Also i've had guys ignore my first message on okcupid as well. Its perfectly okay and thats nothing to take personally. This is a little different though. Its like losing contact with a guy over ok cupid you have been messaging, and then a week later out of the blue him messaging he isn't interested. Its at least a little weird, or at least thats what I think.

[katiegrl]

Again i'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm not even going to bother defending myself anymore. If people don't want to take my word for it that I don't care -- well then there is nothing I can do about it anymore.

 

Don't sweat it Trese.... our own LoveRefreshed (whom I adore btw) created a thread this morning about a chick pulling a no show, said he didn't care, but yet chose to post about anyway.

 

That's why this board is here, to vent about our problems ....and/OR to vent about shyt that bugs us ... even tho we don't really care.

 

And yes this has been a very lively discussion, so thanks for posting it!

[La Trese]

Don't sweat it Trese.... our own LoveRefreshed created a thread this morning about a chick pulling a no show, said he didn't care, but yet chose to post about anyway.

 

That's why this board is here, to vent about our problems ....and/OR to vent about shyt that bugs us ... even tho we don't really care.

 

And yes this has been a very lively discussion, so thanks for posting it!

 

Thanks girl! You really gave some great insight and I really appreciate it

[lino]

Damned if a guy does and Damned if a guy doesn't.

 

Seems like any outcome other than a woman rejecting a guy is a dog act or him ego stroking?

 

And people wonder why dating is such a sh#t fight.

Thank lord I don't have to worry about this stuff anymore!

[katiegrl]

Damned if a guy does and Damned if a guy doesn't.

 

 

Goes both ways, but yeah truth.

 

Perhaps he meant well, but it was totally unnecessary, and clearly not received well.

 

Guys, after the first MEET, if you don't get a text from a chick thanking you, and nothing from her for an entire week, it's safe to assume she's not interested and has moved on.

 

No need to send her a formal rejection....it was one meet. No biggee.

 

If she contacts you expressing interest, then you send a text.

 

Otherwise let it go. Trust me, she has.

 

And if YOU are interested in her, don't wait a week to contact her again. Most women would have moved on by then, even when she may have been interested initially.

Edited August 17, 2015 by katiegrl