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Should a guy/girl reject or ignore after the first date?


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Posted

So I recently went on a date off Okcupid with a guy. I had a good time, but I just didn't feel a romantic spark but at least he was pretty cool. How I felt was that if he didn't ask for a second date, i'd be totally okay with that. If he did, I would have given it one more chance just because I don't really believe you can get to know a person in one date. Usually i'm all for having at least two-three dates to definitively decide unless the first was just horrible. Anyways, the guy texted me a week later (after no contact) preemptively, saying he wasn't interested and that I'd find a great guy one day, yada yadda. I kind of felt really annoyed by that message haha and I don't know if other people would be annoyed or if he did the right thing. Idk, maybe he was trying to be polite, but I already had forgotten about him, i'm talking to other guys so its not like i'm sitting around waiting for him, and in general I found it kind of annoying and presumptuous. I'm not the type of girl to wait by the phone after just one date for a total stranger and unless i'm exclusive I will not put all my eggs in one basket. Usually if I lose interest in a guy, I wait until he asks me out on a date before I tell him so so unless I contacted a guy first I would expect the same. After one or two dates I usually assume no contact = no interest. The only time I would get really annoyed from the guy is if I texted him, and he responded as if he were still interested, and then suddenly faded out. In that case, if I actually texted him i'd prefer a rejection.

 

So yeah what do you guys think? Would you prefer someone upfront saying they aren't interested, or would you only prefer that to be said if you clearly demonstrate interest?

Posted

You're angry because he rejected you first? I swear there is a Seinfeld episode about this. There's nothing to be annoyed about. In fact, I would prefer a girl to tell me that instead of fading/ignoring. Just move on, you were already.

  • Like 6
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Posted
You're angry because he rejected you first? I swear there is a Seinfeld episode about this. There's nothing to be annoyed about. In fact, I would prefer a girl to tell me that instead of fading/ignoring. Just move on, you were already.

 

I'm not angry, just was briefly annoyed. I wasn't planning on even contacting him, but if he contacted me I would have been direct. And if he didn't contact me, I would have assumed he wasn't interested. I just don't think there is a need to say it.

Posted

yeah, don't sweat it, I understand how you feel. It all depends, if he thought you looked especially interested, maybe he felt the need to let you know his thoughts, rather than disappear. I sort of understand him - personally when a man does the fade on me, I will think he's a bit of a bastard, and nobody likes to play the bad guy. Him sending a decent text to break the news is okish. Him calling me to break the news ... yeah, the dude needed an ego boost - there are dudes who feel a lot better about themselves when rejecting other people.

 

little man... yeah, there are weirdos everywhere, don't sweat it. Nobody likes to be rejected and some losers love to do the rejecting part... and rub it in other people's noses. I say be polite, don't talk much and ignore.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
I'm not angry, just was briefly annoyed. I wasn't planning on even contacting him, but if he contacted me I would have been direct. And if he didn't contact me, I would have assumed he wasn't interested. I just don't think there is a need to say it.

 

La Trese, just ignore him (I hope you haven't responded back).

 

It's been an entire week since your FIRST meet/date, he had no reason to think you were interested in him, that text he sent was unnecessary, presumptuous and obnoxious.

 

My guess is his ego is hurt because you haven't contacted him (like so many women would have), so to regain the "upper hand" (which is totally stupid), he sends you a text rejecting you. Most likely to elicit some sort of a response/reaction...in an attempt to talk to you again.

 

Sounds like he really liked you, and was hoping you'd chase him, otherwise he would not have even been thinking about you, let alone send you such an obnoxious *rejection* text an entire week later....when you NEVER indicated you were interested in the first place!

 

Just ignore him.

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 4
Posted

Damned if ya do and damned if ya don't.

 

Would it have been different if you really liked the guy?

 

There are sooooooo many threads on "I had a great first date, then they ghosted on me. What went wrong?" or "Do you think I should text them? I haven't heard back yet." "I really liked this guy/girl, at least they could have told me they weren't interested." "They never bothered telling me they weren't interested, how I hate that...." I can go on and on and on.

 

Sorry toots you got rejected point blank, crushing your ego a tiny bit. I think he did the right thing. He doesn't know how you feel about him, he was decent enough to let you know, just in case.

  • Like 3
Posted
Damned if ya do and damned if ya don't.

 

Would it have been different if you really liked the guy?

 

There are sooooooo many threads on "I had a great first date, then they ghosted on me. What went wrong?" or "Do you think I should text them? I haven't heard back yet." "I really liked this guy/girl, at least they could have told me they weren't interested." "They never bothered telling me they weren't interested, how I hate that...." I can go on and on and on.

 

Sorry toots you got rejected point blank, crushing your ego a tiny bit. I think he did the right thing. He doesn't know how you feel about him, he was decent enough to let you know, just in case.

 

smackie, what do you think of my theory? See my post above yours.

 

I really think that was it.

Posted

I dont enjoy telling guys i am not interested and hurting a guys feelings but i do it anyway.......i do it because its the adult thing to do.....and mostly i get understanding back as i do it gently and with consideration.....i would prefer a guy be the same with me....so you arent left hanging, wondering on a fade out...i think its the right thing to do to be gentle and honest.....

 

 

 

...i remember this guy though off the internet who wasnt so friendly on me ending it..... he said I should be grateful he wanted to date a fat chick like me......that he wasted his time when he could have dated a normal chick and how he had better offers than me and he got completely nasty which i wont go into but it got pretty bad ........how dare i end it attitude....so i put a male friend on the phone and he didnt call me again after being told not to by someone else......he did however text me a few months later..........deb

  • Like 1
Posted

Not really.....if he was REALLY interested in her he would have kept in contact, but he didn't. Most likely he found someone else he is more interested in.

Posted

 

 

...i remember this guy though off the internet who wasnt so friendly on me ending it..... he said I should be grateful he wanted to date a fat chick like me......that he wasted his time when he could have dated a normal chick and how he had better offers than me and he got completely nasty which i wont go into but it got pretty bad ........how dare i end it attitude....so i put a male friend on the phone and he didnt call me again after being told not to by someone else......he did however text me a few months later..........deb

Deb where were you when someone started a thread venting that a girl didn't respond to him....asking all woman to just tell him they are not interested.

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Posted
Damned if ya do and damned if ya don't.

 

Would it have been different if you really liked the guy?

 

There are sooooooo many threads on "I had a great first date, then they ghosted on me. What went wrong?" or "Do you think I should text them? I haven't heard back yet." "I really liked this guy/girl, at least they could have told me they weren't interested." "They never bothered telling me they weren't interested, how I hate that...." I can go on and on and on.

 

Sorry toots you got rejected point blank, crushing your ego a tiny bit. I think he did the right thing. He doesn't know how you feel about him, he was decent enough to let you know, just in case.

No it wouldn't have. If he hadn't contacted me in a week its pretty obvious. I don't think its really fair to assume someone has ANY obligation to you after just one date. The only time I would like to get a rejection message is if I had actually messaged him after the date (which I would totally do for a guy I really like!). Also why would it crush my ego? Lol i'm confident enough to not be even remotely flustered by people I barely know. Why would he not know how I feel about him? I didn't message him so its clear I wasn't that interested, and he didn't message me for an entire week so its clear the feeling is mutual. Whats there to assume?
  • Like 1
Posted
Not really.....if he was REALLY interested in her he would have kept in contact, but he didn't. Most likely he found someone else he is more interested in.

 

Okay, but why bother sending it, when she gave him no reason to even suspect she was interested in the first place?

 

I could understand him sending it if she had contacted him, wanting to see him again. But she gave him NOTHING. Not even a text afterwards thanking him for the date!

 

So clearly she wasn't interested, and he'd have to be a complete moron not to realize that.

 

No, I still think he was PO'd, he's probably used to women chasing him, and when she wasn't HIS ego was bruised...so to make himself feel better, he rejects her.

 

It was an entire week later, totally unnecessary, presumptuous and arrogant IMO.

  • Like 2
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Posted
I dont enjoy telling guys i am not interested and hurting a guys feelings but i do it anyway.......i do it because its the adult thing to do.....and mostly i get understanding back as i do it gently and with consideration.....i would prefer a guy be the same with me....so you arent left hanging, wondering on a fade out...i think its the right thing to do to be gentle and honest.....

 

 

 

...i remember this guy though off the internet who wasnt so friendly on me ending it..... he said I should be grateful he wanted to date a fat chick like me......that he wasted his time when he could have dated a normal chick and how he had better offers than me and he got completely nasty which i wont go into but it got pretty bad ........how dare i end it attitude....so i put a male friend on the phone and he didnt call me again after being told not to by someone else......he did however text me a few months later..........deb

omg no thats literally so stupid! Thats just vindictive and rude to call someone fat just because you rejected them LOL. I responded to him by saying, I felt the same way and I wished him luck! But at the same time the fact he said "i'd find a nice guy someday" really rubbed me the wrong way. Like wtf I know that! haha. If I did have to reject someone i'd probably just say, hey i'm not interested but I wish you the best of luck!!" and i'd probably only do so if they clearly showed interest.

Posted
No it wouldn't have. If he hadn't contacted me in a week its pretty obvious. I don't think its really fair to assume someone has ANY obligation to you after just one date. The only time I would like to get a rejection message is if I had actually messaged him after the date (which I would totally do for a guy I really like!). Also why would it crush my ego? Lol i'm confident enough to not be even remotely flustered by people I barely know. Why would he not know how I feel about him? I didn't message him so its clear I wasn't that interested, and he didn't message me for an entire week so its clear the feeling is mutual. Whats there to assume?

 

I'm with you girl.

 

Like I said, I think he really liked you, and was pissed you weren't chasing, which is what he's used to (my opinion,).

 

Otherwise, again, after one whole week, he wouldn't even be giving you a second thought, let alone send a text.

 

It's all ego.

  • Like 1
Posted

 

- I kind of felt really annoyed by that message haha

 

-but I already had forgotten about him,-

 

- i'm talking to other guys so -

 

-its not like i'm sitting around waiting for him, and

 

- in general I found it kind of annoying and presumptuous.

 

-I'm not the type of girl to wait by the phone after just one date for a total stranger and unless i'm exclusive

 

-I will not put all my eggs in one basket.

 

Passive aggressive response like this says to me your ego is just a little burnt around the edges.

 

Also going out of your way to post this thread. If it wasn't a big deal you would have just blown it off and moved. It had to bother you enough to be here.

  • Like 3
Posted
omg no thats literally so stupid! Thats just vindictive and rude to call someone fat just because you rejected them LOL. I responded to him by saying, I felt the same way and I wished him luck! But at the same time the fact he said "i'd find a nice guy someday" really rubbed me the wrong way. Like wtf I know that! haha. If I did have to reject someone i'd probably just say, hey i'm not interested but I wish you the best of luck!!" and i'd probably only do so if they clearly showed interest.

 

Any bets you'll hear from him again?

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Passive aggressive response like this says to me your ego is just a little burnt around the edges.

 

Also going out of your way to post this thread. If it wasn't a big deal you would have just blown it off and moved. It had to bother you enough to be here.

 

I think you are assuming a little too much and/or assuming the worst in me. Those are all just facts! I would not wait around after a first date, I don't think its fair to expect anything after a first date, and I do not date exclusively unless we had that conversation and wanted to take things further. I was just trying to give context about my attitude towards dating in general not be passive aggressive. I posted on here because I want to genuinely know the answer in case I have to reject a guy! I usually do the fade out thing unless he shows interest and this is the first time i've ever encountered something like this.

 

Also I am posting because I am bored and want to procrastinate studying lol, and this turned out to be an extremely interesting thread with people that have completely different opinions given the same situation. Also you keep posting here so clearly it is interesting haha.

 

Also if I wanted to be passive aggressive I wouldn't have called him cool lol. Because I did think he was cool! Just not in a romantic way.

Edited by La Trese
  • Author
Posted
Any bets you'll hear from him again?
I wouldn't be surprised. When we first started messaging, like after a couple messages, this same guy told me he was seeing someone else and that he didn't want to pursue more than one girl at a time. I basically said the same thing I did now; I told him I respect that decision and wished him luck. Literally a day later he messaged me saying it didn't work out between him and the girl. Because I assumed he was just being honest, I didn't hold it against him and thats why I went on this date!
Posted
Passive aggressive response like this says to me your ego is just a little burnt around the edges.

 

Also going out of your way to post this thread. If it wasn't a big deal you would have just blown it off and moved. It had to bother you enough to be here.

 

Couldn't the same be said about HIM ....about HIS ego?

 

If he weren't at all interested or at the very least had bruised ego, he would have forgotten all about her ...she hadn't contacted him in a week, never even thanked him for the date, no biggee... he wouldn't have given it a second thought .....IF he weren't interested.

Posted
I wouldn't be surprised. When we first started messaging, like after a couple messages, this same guy told me he was seeing someone else and that he didn't want to pursue more than one girl at a time. I basically said the same thing I did now; I told him I respect that decision and wished him luck. Literally a day later he messaged me saying it didn't work out between him and the girl. Because I assumed he was just being honest, I didn't hold it against him and thats why I went on this date!

 

Haha, never underestimate the male ego......:bunny::bunny:

Posted

smackie, not all guys chase when they're interested, especially when they are used to the woman chasing, as soooooooo many women will when they really like a guy! You know that.

 

Even La Trese said herself, IF she liked him, she would have messaged him!

Posted (edited)
I wouldn't be surprised. When we first started messaging, like after a couple messages, this same guy told me he was seeing someone else and that he didn't want to pursue more than one girl at a time. I basically said the same thing I did now; I told him I respect that decision and wished him luck. Literally a day later he messaged me saying it didn't work out between him and the girl. Because I assumed he was just being honest, I didn't hold it against him and thats why I went on this date!

 

Oh man, just read this again.

 

Your nonchalance and indifference is probably bugging the hell outta him! Lol

 

Sounds like he doesn't know what the hell he wants/doesn't want, and just reacts.

 

I mean, telling you, after messaging with you, he's seeing someone? Then when you respond back nonchalantly wishing him luck ..... suddenly the next day, it didn't work out???

 

Sounds like he may enjoy a bit of drama, eliciting reactions.

 

Well, you're not indulging him, which like I said is bugging the hell outta him!

 

Yeah, you'll be hearing from him again. This ain't over, even tho I am sure you'd like it to be!

Edited by katiegrl
Posted
smackie, not all guys chase when they're interested, especially when they are used to the woman chasing, as soooooooo many women will when they really like a guy! You know that.

 

Even La Trese said herself, IF she liked him, she would have messaged him!

And soooooooo many women don't want to look needy and expect the guy to make the move first to show his interest in her....like so many thread before this one.

 

 

And all those thread of guys sending at least 2 texts with no response but ask us if they should text one more time.

  • Like 1
Posted
Oh man, just read this again.

 

Your nonchalance and indifference is probably bugging the hell outta him! Lol

 

Sounds like he doesn't know what the hell he wants/doesn't want, and just reacts.

 

I mean, telling you, after messaging with you, he's seeing someone? Then when you respond back nonchalantly wishing him luck ..... suddenly the next day, it didn't work out???

 

Sounds like he may enjoy a bit of drama, eliciting reactions.

 

Well, you're not indulging him, which like I said is bugging the hell outta him!

 

Yeah, you'll be hearing from him again. This ain't over, even tho I am sure you'd like it to be!

Or his date with a hotter chick went well Saturday. lol

  • Like 2
Posted

LoveRefreshed, come on you don't agree with my assessment? Not even a little?

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