B1uehunter Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I've been in my current relationship about 8 months now. I think I've wanted to get out of it the last 7 months. I've tried breaking up 4 times, but I always just came crawling back. I haven't tried in the last 4 months for fear I'd make a fool of myself again. I went out with another girl a couple times without telling her, and realized that was a lot easier, but that little fling ended about a month ago. I don't want to be in this relationship. I'm not happy. She makes me feel bad about myself. She uses up all my money. She's clingy. I want to be able to date freely again. I feel controlled and, lacking a better way to say it, like a man-slave. But now we're very serious. Believe me, I'm leaving out everything good in the above description. She's the person, at this point, closest to me emotionally. I've already tried breaking up with her flat-out 4 times before, I can't even imagine trying it again. I'm sort of a weak person like that, I just can't bare a little pain even if it's for a much greater good. I really wish she and I were just friends. Then there'd be no problem, I'd just avoid her. But I want to see other girls, and I don't want to just cheat on her again and again. She's the type of person that can use emotions, hers and mine, to keep me under her control. Please, this has to end. Help me!!!
RecordProducer Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 If I read a whole script I might tell you if this would be a good movie, but I couldn't tell by reading the mere idea. The character sounds unlogical as he is not in love with the woman and yet not able to dump her even though she treats him like a slave? C'mon! Can't you think of a better scenario? Of course people will tell you "dump her!" and "have some self-respect!" if anyone believes in your story. However if this happens to be truth then poor you. You need professional help.
HokeyReligions Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 B1uehunter, have you thought about getting some counseling for yourself? It sounds like you may be co-dependent and/or have low self-confidence. Or maybe she is co-dependent and you are an enabler. Do some research on codependence and see if that fit's either of you. An outside person (ie: counselor/therapist) may be able to help you work through your issues so that you can leave and not go back. You are not helping either of you by going back to a relationship that you don't want, and it's not your responsibility to take care of her---no matter what words she uses to manipulate you.
faux Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 You tried to break it off with this girl a few times before, so I doubt that she is anything all that wonderful. You are still thinking about leaving, because you want to leave, which doesn't say much about her, either. If you are uncomfortable in this relationship, maybe you should end it. You have the right to say "no", and to end a relationshp at any time you choose to. If your situation is so bad, you do not have to provide explanations, and you do not have to be nice to the other person, or spare that person's feelings. If you feel this girl is controlling you emotionally, or you are dissatisfied with how things have been, you really should just leave. You could also tell her why you are unhappy, and how things need to begin to change or the relationship will not be able to work out. It does not sound as though you are willing to give her a chance to change, or you know that she cannot change. It seems you want out of this relationship. I don't know what is stopping you; you are free to go whenever you choose.
noname Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 the only reason why you should be writing this post is to vent to someone... it can't possibly be to look for advice because you already have all the answers... you realize you have issues you are not comfortable whatever positives she brings to your world is outweighed by the negatives you want out you have self diagnosed and you are on your way to recovery. cut her, put some space between you until you can handle being around her without folding or indefinately. there are better ways to blow your time, money, and emotional energy...
Author B1uehunter Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Yea, I definitely must have overdramatized a bit. There's no way I need professional help (has anyone noticed people will tell you you need professional help for everything on forums?). I really don't think I have mental problems either. Maybe I'm not as much of a stud as some men are, many men think they are, and all me would like to be; but I honestly think I'm in a fairly normal beta-male situation. And I do think I need advice. I can't break up with her! I just don't have enough will-power! And considering tens of millions of Germans were convinced during WWII that the extermination of the Jewish people was the key to world peace, I think it's been proven that will-power is not easy to come by. Try not to take it personally, but I am very dissatisfied with these replies. And please don't bother defending them, as they are quite dismissive and obviously required little thought. So please, let's take it from the top, people. Be careful when you tell someone to grow a backbone, cause sometimes it juts out right into your face!
HoldOn Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 grow a backbone. just kidding. Sorry I don't have any advice to give you...becuase you'd probably be dissatisfied with my answer.
mental_traveller Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by B1uehunter Yea, I definitely must have overdramatized a bit. There's no way I need professional help (has anyone noticed people will tell you you need professional help for everything on forums?). I really don't think I have mental problems either. Maybe I'm not as much of a stud as some men are, many men think they are, and all me would like to be; but I honestly think I'm in a fairly normal beta-male situation. And I do think I need advice. I can't break up with her! I just don't have enough will-power! And considering tens of millions of Germans were convinced during WWII that the extermination of the Jewish people was the key to world peace, I think it's been proven that will-power is not easy to come by. Try not to take it personally, but I am very dissatisfied with these replies. And please don't bother defending them, as they are quite dismissive and obviously required little thought. So please, let's take it from the top, people. Be careful when you tell someone to grow a backbone, cause sometimes it juts out right into your face! Hire two hookers, and let her catch you frolicking naked with them on her bed at her apartment. Or sleep with her best friend/sister/mother, then tell your gf and propose you do it again as a threesome. I guaranteed she will break off with you, and if she doesn't, then that's even better!
Author B1uehunter Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Haha! That made me laugh. Her best friend IS extremely hot, too....
HoldOn Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Pull a seinfeld: -Get caught picking your nose -start smoking. -yes, ask for a 3some
noname Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by B1uehunter Try not to take it personally, but I am very dissatisfied with these replies. And please don't bother defending them, as they are quite dismissive and obviously required little thought. So please, let's take it from the top, people. Be careful when you tell someone to grow a backbone, cause sometimes it juts out right into your face! sorry if i offended you. i was not trying to dismiss your problem or tell you to grow a backbone. my response was actually geared towards those people who would tell you you need professional help, 'cause i don't think you do. shoulda just said that right? i meant no disrespect and i should be more careful of that in the future. it's just that you are so far beyond other people who are in your situation. you actually know what is going on. most people put a blind eye to self destruction. willpower is not cheap (i suffer from the same deficiency sometimes), but neither is emotional energy. and if you keep investing it into something that makes you unhappy, you are bound for misery. what you need is incentive for breaking up with her. try telling her that you want to see other women. that is always a good deal breaker. that one usually takes care of itself...
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