WiselyNaive Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 I really think I have an issue.. I've been dating since i was 16 (now 22) & i have been in 6 relationships...I have been dumped in all of them...I have never dumped, fallen out of love, or been able to leave a man even if they deserve it...i always take them back or i end up begging them back even if they wronged me....I dont ever get over them....and i only move on if i see they have a new gf and i finally accept it (usually comes 6+ mo after the break up)....the break ups effect my life...i stop eating...miss school...go trough depression...lose hair...i always cried, begged, pleaded with my exes to take me back...i end up calling them back to back basically harassing them for contact (never anything serious)...my exes always end up blocking me...(some come back after a year when im over them and we end up friends because outside of romantic relationships my other relations are healthy) but i ALWAYS seem to fall harder and end up getting left....its a pattern....my longest relationships (2) have been 7 months...(3) around 2 months & one where he dumped me around three months in but we still kept in contact & basically had a relationship for an additional 3-4 months but the entire time he said i was his best friend. they end up breaking up with me by saying we have no future of ever reconciling...one of them i couldn't even get into contact with him if i tried to under any circumstance idk if he is dead or alive and i dont think that will change... what is wrong with me? is it attachment style? self esteem? abandonment issues? do i just not realize when they are falling out of love? because i know for a fact each of them fell for me...they all pursued me first they were all crazy about me in the beginning...its like the second i actually fall for them back something happens
d0nnivain Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I was well into my 20s before I was the dumper. There may be a lot of reasons for you never being the dumper. It may be that you don't see the problems. It may be your communications style. It may be that you don't like to hurt feelings. I'd do crappy things like not call back to get somebody to break with me because I didn't want to break up with him. Don't be so hard on yourself but do read the book I recommended in your other thread. Also don't try to forge friendships with EXs immediately after a break up
na49 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You aren't dating perfect people, so you probably just put up with more in a relationship, and see people's imperfections as being beautiful. After a while, others might get tired of those imperfections, or get bored, or find someone else THEY think is more interesting. You just hold on, and see it through. You admit that you stayed even when you probably shouldn't have, so there were no perfect relationships. I think you're just someone who wants to stay committed. The idea that there are no guys who would want that is stupid. Learn from your past relationships, and try to become the best person you can be for your next relationship. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I am 32 and have never dumped anyone. Well, aside from stopping seeing someone after a few dates (which I don't consider a break-up). I tried breaking up with my recent ex (he broke up with me eventually), because I felt unappreciated but I soon realized that subconsciously, I didn't really want to break up with him but it was just me trying to see how he would react to it. I quickly changed my mind, and apologized. I felt so bad afterwards, too. The relationship was not satisfying my needs, though. I know for a fact that I have trouble breaking up even if it's the worst relationship ever (short of physical abuse). I put up with a lot, but also, I feel extremely guilty every time I think about breaking up, because I know how much it hurts. And I love the person usually. I love deeply and don't give up easily on someone I love, so I try to make things work, etc., and I don't stop loving them even if they have stopped loving me and have been taking me for granted. Generally, I am a giver, not a very easy taker. I give too much, and it comes from my insecurities. I feel like if I am not loved as much as I love, it is all normal, because I don't deserve to be loved as much anyway.
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