westernxer Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Well we just had a PM session. Went like this: Her: I'll throw everything together and have it you by Friday. Me: What do you mean by everything? Her: Just the books, as far as I know. Me: Is there anything else besides the shoes? Her: No, just throw out the feminine hygiene products under the sink. Me: Did that already, along with your toothbrush, emails, boxed away the photos. I took all as final. Take care of yourself. And with that, I logged off. You should send her a virus. I'm only kidding. I think. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 COC~ *sigh* The email thing? I can tell you I am so embarrassed by all the hateful, mean emails I sent to my ex, telling him what a sh*tty person he was, and how he f*cked up. I never even got a reply back and when I called him he was hostile as usual. I'm so proud of you for not sending the original email (which kind of sounded like stuff I would write to my ex! ) We live and learn though, huh? Ok...there are a few things I want to point out to you. Signing off for good, B Did you write that in your email? If so, you may have just made a big mistake that I have made myself. NEVER write "signing off for good" or ANYTHING like that. Reason being, if you DO ever contact her again (which you probably will, let's face it) you just showed that you can't stick to those words. I said "this is the last email I will ever write to you" and things like that, to my ex and then a month later I would contact him and it would make me appear even more stupid. I hope you didn't write that unless you are 100% positive that you will never, under any circumstances contact her again. I don't see what the big deal is over the flip flops..they are what? $5 maybe? I would just toss those out too. I guess it's good that she is returning the books, but I wouldn't have asked for them back. I did this with the things my ex had of mine (in which he would never return) that were of great value, and even the thousands of dollars he owed me (which would be like getting blood out of a turnip!) I even asked if he wanted his things back, and he said he didn't want them back. Some things you just need to let go... I don't mean to sound harsh, but you do seem obsessed, COC. I can understand that to a degree. When you are in love with somebody, how can you tell the difference between love and obsession? It's almost the same thing..but obsession CAN be taken too far. I know this is extremely hard for you, COC and I understand that with all my being because I still go through it. Just last night I watched "Birth" with Nicole Kidman and somehow that movie made me cry like a baby over my ex. It's terribly hard to go through a break up where you really loved a person. Heartbreak can literally kill people, and it is not so hard for me to believe at this point. You want to make her feel guilty. Hun, this will never work on these people. They don't feel guilt or remorse for how they treat people. Especially if they don't love you. They couldn't care less how awful they make you feel. Easier said than done, but you have GOT to get your mind off of her as best you can and never contact her. Trust me, "getting things off your chest" by pointing out her character flaws will do no good. It will go in one ear and out the other and just make her think to herself "what a dork, he's so mad that I don't like him and that is why he is saying that!" while rolling her eyes and deleting the email. If you really want to get some revenge on her, hire someone to beat the crap out of her. Ok, ok just kidding. Even though it is tempting....ok but anyway... Command focus COC! No more contact, and time to work on yourself, your life, and finding someone that loves you just as much as you love them. Would you really want someone who doesn't love you anyway? Or that you woudl have to guilt trip and beg to get them around you? Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever I agree...but in most cases a woman loses respect for a man because he's disrespected her in different occasions. Is it true that women do most of the dumping,lose respect for the man cause he treated her so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 Is it true that women do most of the dumping,lose respect for the man cause he treated her so badly. Women usually dump men because they're too nice. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Hahahaha True! I complained about communcation and this dim twit (cute nonetheless ) goes and improves his communication with someone else. Well, didn't work out, he didn't learn enough from me. ConfusedInOC, don't listen to Greenhorn or any of the guys, they know nothing about women. Send the first line or not and that's it. [/quote Watch out for women they are confuse,strange and creepy....... Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Women usually dump men because they're too nice. Well i guess i need to start being mean and nasty to women just to keep them around... Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 When will this nice guy argument ever go away? It is an excuse guys give to themselves when they get rejected. A woman either likes you or she doesn't, it has nothing to do with being nice or being mean. Not being attracted to you when you have been nice to her doesn't mean that your "niceness" is the reason she doesn't want you. The men who sit around sulking and whining about being a nice guy need to seriously get a life. Ever thought your problem might be that you are socially inept or possibly unattractive and THAT is why you get rejected?? But anyway..this is a whole other topic...I'm just so sick of hearing guys complain about this. They are usually the losers in real life, so all men with any social skills at all shouldn't listen to that "be mean to them so they like you" b.s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Delete me Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 That post isn't on this thread is it? Because I don't recall having read this! Was it deleted?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by jp13370 Confused you sound obsessed with her and how do you know all about the new guy and what base they are on? You need to just picture them having raw sex together and be done with it. Why do you keep torturing yourself over this girl? You're wasting way to much time thinking about all of this. The only way you're going to accept it and move on is to stop talking to her - period. Stop thinking about her and stop asking about her and her new boyfriend. I've read all your posts and you are like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction - get a grip my friend. Suck it up and get over her - it's not healthy obsessing over her like you have been. Eventually you'll get to that point where it ends and you can let go but by clinging to her you're never gonna recover and in the meantime the right girl could be waving airplane flashlights in your face and you'll miss her because you're obsessed with your ex. Time heals all. I suppose when you honestly love some one so deeply and you find out they can move on so fast without you, the sting hurts. I was fine the other day, as I said. I should have stuck to NC. I admitted making a huge mistake. I deserve to get smacked around because I didn't take my own advice. Sorry. I'm only human. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Whoever that is that wrote that went way out of line Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I must have read the first line then skipped it because it is so unbelievably rude. Link to post Share on other sites
jp13370 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Well men don't appreciate nice women either - goes both ways. The nicer I am the more I get walked all over. I think it's people in general - if your'e nice you just get bulldozed over by the meanies. Whatever - Confused - you've been brave enough to spill your guts on here - I think it's safer than getting drunk and having sex with strangers so keep posting - you'll make it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX That post isn't on this thread is it? Because I don't recall having read this! Was it deleted?!?! Look every one. I have now figured out that COC is a major attention whore who just wants sympathy from everyone. His 150 post threads are a major cause of concern cause we have already collective probably spend days answering his problems and he won't do anything about it. I say everyone give it a rest and spend more time on other more pressing threads. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Well men don't appreciate nice women either - goes both ways. Hmm...so THAT is why the guy I was seeing ignored me when I showed interest, but now that I have treated him like he is an insignificant peon, he is now pounding on my door and ringing my phone off the hook wanting to see me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX COC~ *sigh* The email thing? I can tell you I am so embarrassed by all the hateful, mean emails I sent to my ex, telling him what a sh*tty person he was, and how he f*cked up. I never even got a reply back and when I called him he was hostile as usual. I'm so proud of you for not sending the original email (which kind of sounded like stuff I would write to my ex! ) We live and learn though, huh? Ok...there are a few things I want to point out to you. So far, I've avoided sending her any emails that have been negative. Did you write that in your email? No. I did listen the advice of the good people here. I don't see what the big deal is over the flip flops..they are what? $5 maybe? Dunno, maybe they are her favorite pair?? I don't mean to sound harsh, but you do seem obsessed, COC. I can understand that to a degree. When you are in love with somebody, how can you tell the difference between love and obsession? It's almost the same thing..but obsession CAN be taken too far. I know this is extremely hard for you, COC and I understand that with all my being because I still go through it. Just last night I watched "Birth" with Nicole Kidman and somehow that movie made me cry like a baby over my ex. It's terribly hard to go through a break up where you really loved a person. Heartbreak can literally kill people, and it is not so hard for me to believe at this point. I can see how you'd think that. I blame my dejection on how fast she moved along. But I should have known, she has a pattern for this. When I was with her, I was never obsessed. I was in love and I expressed my love to her. Probably a bit too much. She used the word CLINGY. I'm not disagreeing. She was a huge part of my life. You want to make her feel guilty. To some extent, yes. I freely admit that. I'm angry. I'm hurt. Hun, this will never work on these people. They don't feel guilt or remorse for how they treat people. Especially if they don't love you. They couldn't care less how awful they make you feel. I'm sure you're right. Easier said than done, but you have GOT to get your mind off of her as best you can and never contact her. Trust me, "getting things off your chest" by pointing out her character flaws will do no good. It will go in one ear and out the other and just make her think to herself "what a dork, he's so mad that I don't like him and that is why he is saying that!" while rolling her eyes and deleting the email. I didn't do it. I just kept things short and civil. If you really want to get some revenge on her, hire someone to beat the crap out of her. Ok, ok just kidding. Even though it is tempting....ok but anyway... I don't want revenge. I just want to stop hurting.... Command focus COC! No more contact, and time to work on yourself, your life, and finding someone that loves you just as much as you love them. Would you really want someone who doesn't love you anyway? Or that you woudl have to guilt trip and beg to get them around you? I have a date on Friday. Cross your fingers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX When will this nice guy argument ever go away? It is an excuse guys give to themselves when they get rejected. A woman either likes you or she doesn't, it has nothing to do with being nice or being mean. Not being attracted to you when you have been nice to her doesn't mean that your "niceness" is the reason she doesn't want you. The men who sit around sulking and whining about being a nice guy need to seriously get a life. Ever thought your problem might be that you are socially inept or possibly unattractive and THAT is why you get rejected?? But anyway..this is a whole other topic...I'm just so sick of hearing guys complain about this. They are usually the losers in real life, so all men with any social skills at all shouldn't listen to that "be mean to them so they like you" b.s. I won't complain about it. A girl who is a friend of mine who knows both well sent this today: The thing is, you didn't screw anything up, you just simply feel "IN LOVE" and she couldn't handle your kind of love.... It's not your fault, you did what you thought was good enough for her to make her happy, just like what every human person would do when their in love; it's her that didn't see the great things about you and didn't appreciate all the good things you did for her. DO NOT, I say this again, DO NOT blame yourself! relationship ends for a reason, leave it at that and don't over analyze her thoughts anymore, it will only make you more weak... And I did fit most (but not all) of this: Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him." I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea." If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually payed some kind of attention to him. Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that get's attracted to them is the lowest form of life... Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure. Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date". They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one. Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here." The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?" More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip! Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love". Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF. You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible. Oh well, I'm a loser I suppose. Lesson learned and I hope I never repeat it. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 *crossing fingers* I admire you a lot for keeping it simple and to the point. I never was able to take the advice I got on here about NC and I just let my emotions run rampant with my ex and I paid for it. Hang in there, COC. You will stop hurting. We are all here for you and I know that most of us can relate to the hurt and pain you are going through...and keep posting! Wish I had just posted before impulsively sending the emails I wrote to my ex saying "you are a piece of shyt, b*tch!" and the like Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Look every one. I have now figured out that COC is a major attention whore who just wants sympathy from everyone. His 150 post threads are a major cause of concern cause we have already collective probably spend days answering his problems and he won't do anything about it. I say everyone give it a rest and spend more time on other more pressing threads. Hey Alpha, when I was feeling better, I was contributing a lot. So I had a setback. I'll get over it. Nobody is FOCUSING on me. I started the thread for some advice on how to handle it and I asked a lot of questions. That's was a message board is for. As far as clamoring for attention, Mr. LS Shock Jock, you take the cake. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Holy Geez! COC you are taking quite the beating from some others here!!! LOL! You have given me nothing but good advice because my ex called me 3 times today after I had been ignoring him for a week...He needed me to answer one of his questions but I was sooo hesitant to phone him back because I know how it goes... I feel horrible-get kicked in the heart-he makes me feel like s*it and acts indifferent to me (even though he's the one who is calling)-he feels better about us- and I feel worse!!! Your advice about NC is good for the hurting people becuase it gives us time to heal- when we break NC it feels like you are back to the exact scene of the break up and being trampled on all over again!!! Thanks for your advice anyways COC!!! Good luck on Friday!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX *crossing fingers* I admire you a lot for keeping it simple and to the point. I never was able to take the advice I got on here about NC and I just let my emotions run rampant with my ex and I paid for it. Trust me. It took everything I had to keep things simple and civil. I want to yell at her and tell her all the things she did wrong, but really, it's her right to seek a change of venue if she doesn't like the scenery. I know we're not right for each other, I really do. And I admit I've never loved anyone this much in my life. I used to blow women off all the time. I used to not care. Not call. I used to be the guy Alpha talks about a lot. Then I meet the one that truly knocks me out. I guess this is God's way of teaching me a powerful and painful lesson. Hang in there, COC. You will stop hurting. We are all here for you and I know that most of us can relate to the hurt and pain you are going through...and keep posting! Wish I had just posted before impulsively sending the emails I wrote to my ex saying "you are a piece of shyt, b*tch!" and the like Thanks. I do appreciate the kind words, the good advice, etc. I know I have my issues and I am not a perfect person. I did a lot of things wrong. Some people here are quick to remind me. But I don't think I am obsessed. I am just heartbroken.... Link to post Share on other sites
smarty pants Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 If she is truly that horrible of a person, if she truly doesn't care about anyone but herself, nothing you can say in an email, letter, IM, text, VM, or in person is going to change her or affect how she feels or behaves. The way you are behaving right now only affects YOU. We only know your side of the story. But, ok, let's assume she's a horrible person. Right now, Confused, you look really, really pathetic to her. By having ANY contact with her whatsoever, you are reinforcing all the reasons why she left you in the first place. Don't you just want to take the higher ground? Can't you just say something like, "Thank you for showing me that you and I are not meant to be" and leave it at that? Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I think alphamale was just being sarcastic to the insensitive jerk who posted that stuff about you....I don't think alpha was meaning for his post to be taken literally, it was a low blow to the dude who wrote that stuff-showing just how ridiculous it was. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 But I don't think I am obsessed. I am just heartbroken.... You're NOT obessed. Your heart is hurting big time. I takes a LONG time to get over that hurt. Allow yourself to grieve Confused, and don't beat yourself up. Only you know what is best for you. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 "God created the world in 6 days and rested" He created the man and rested,and then he created the woman,after that... neither God nor man rested after that. I rather have a million dollar and a 6 pack of beer then some strange,confuse mess up in the head woman. "I'm as cool as ice,so back off or i will get heated up in a moment." Link to post Share on other sites
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