ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Ok, as the dumpee, I implemented NC. I was sticking to it for about a week and half before things came crumbling down. In the course of two days we've had 2 very lengthy phone conversations. What I basically learned is my worst nightmare. She'll be having sex with this guy before the end of next week. Let's just say they're "rounding the bases" as we speak. I've learned everything there is to know about the new guy. Let's just say he's agreeing to not have sex with her but yet as I said, they've done just about everything but intercourse. And knowing her, that'll happen soon. This is exactly how her last three relationships started. No sooner was one done then she got right back up in the saddle. (Sorry, bad pun). As I am sitting here listening to how fast she is moving with this guy I find myself saying over and over again: "What the heck did you see in this girl?! She's obviously very disturbed!" So I sent this today: After careful consideration I think it would be best for you and I to isolate ourselves from one another. I wish you the best in your current relationship and I am glad we shared some really good times.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC So I sent this today: After careful consideration I think it would be best for you and I to isolate ourselves from one another. I wish you the best in your current relationship and I am glad we shared some really good times. that won't even scare a mouse.... waaaaay too nice and submissive, sounds sorta like you would welcome add'l contact with her... i would have sent this: I hate you and all u stand 4....u ever contact me again in any way, shape or form and I will come over there *&^%$#@
Nicholas Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I think it's good. It's detached and effective. I don't think he intended on scaring her away. I have a question, since you seem to be the NC expert. It's her birthday in three weeks. Do I contact her?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I think it's good. It's detached and effective. I don't think he intended on scaring her away. I have a question, since you seem to be the NC expert. It's her birthday in three weeks. Do I contact her? Noooooooooo!
HotCaliGirl Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC No sooner was one done then she got right back up in the saddle. (Sorry, bad pun). I would've sent something like this: It was a nice ride while it lasted, but since you're already saddling a new horse, you should from here on out keep this cowboy out of the rodeo as far as what or who you're doing, for my best interest. C'mon, it doesn't take careful consideration to figure she's shallow and it's YOU who needs to isolate HER, but at least it makes you sound very considerate
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale that won't even scare a mouse.... waaaaay too nice and submissive, sounds sorta like you would welcome add'l contact with her... I have to agree. i would have sent this: quote: I hate you and all u stand 4....u ever contact me again in any way, shape or form and I will come over there *&^%$#@ Alpha, I would have figured you would have just never wrote her anything at all. Writing something angry would just show how much you still care! And COC, I am dissapointed in ya! I feel for you for having to hear all the gruesome details of her new relationship. Is she trying to turn you into her new best girl friend? I mean c'mon...why does she feel the need to tell you these details? Some things are better left unsaid for crying out loud!
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I hope you threw some "gruesome details" into the conversation also...even if they were fictional I hope you said something!!!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX And COC, I am dissapointed in ya! I feel for you for having to hear all the gruesome details of her new relationship. Is she trying to turn you into her new best girl friend? I mean c'mon...why does she feel the need to tell you these details? Some things are better left unsaid for crying out loud! I agree. I think she did it to be spiteful.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I hope you threw some "gruesome details" into the conversation also...even if they were fictional I hope you said something!!! Nope, not my style.
BrotherAaron Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 You actually listened to this?? Dude... I would have told her to shut the f*** up as soon as she started spewing that filth about the new guy. As far as breaking NC, you know better. Don't give her the chance to be spiteful, and don't feel the need to tell her anything back. Just keep moving on with your life. You seem to care too much what she does still. Who cares if she saddles up with this guy. Go find yourself someone. Man up and talk to one of those girls at the gym.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron You actually listened to this?? Dude... I would have told her to shut the f*** up as soon as she started spewing that filth about the new guy. I was just in shock but admit I held my composure pretty well. As far as breaking NC, you know better. Don't give her the chance to be spiteful, and don't feel the need to tell her anything back. Just keep moving on with your life. You seem to care too much what she does still. I know, but she wanted to remain friends. She needed a dose of "I don't give a d*mn about you!" Who cares if she saddles up with this guy. Go find yourself someone. Man up and talk to one of those girls at the gym. I don't care anymore. The simple fact she can change horses so quick tells me that she wasn't worthy of my love at all.....
Fallen_Angel Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I think she did it to be spiteful. I couldn't agree more. Of all the horrible things to say to an ex who you're trying to remain "friends" with...ugh. If anything, you're totally right...this episode proves your point. You deserve so much better. You're worthy of a girl who will treat you with respect. I'm glad you told her you need to step back. Who needs her kind of friendship anyway? If my ex pulled something like that, I probably would have hung up on him. But I tell myself he's too busy with school to find someone new, and even if/when he does, I'm sure she won't satisfy him like I did. So there!
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron You actually listened to this?? Dude... I would have told her to shut the f*** up as soon as she started spewing that filth about the new guy. right on BROTHER AARON! You seem to care too much what she does still. because COC is still in luv with her and likes to be treated badly by her. this is why she left, because she could treat him bad and the challenge was gone. Who cares if she saddles up with this guy. Go find yourself someone. Man up and talk to one of those girls at the gym. Agreed.
Marshbear Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 I can't believe you listened to her BS about her new guy and their upcoming sex life. You should have just hung up on her. AND she actually wants to remain friends. This beyond contempt. She not only did it to be spiteful she was telling you she can be the biggest BIT*H on the block and you will just sit there and take it. She has NOOOO respect for you, man!!! You can say that you are not like Alpha and you wouldn't say that but we all know you were fuming and you wanted to tell her to go F^CK HERSELF.... Come on, be honest. It's OK to have integrity but don't be a DOOR MAT. Didn't you say you were no longer a DOOR MAT. News flash, You still are acting like one. The gal isn't worth another thought. Will you still read her e-mail and then delete it? How quaint. FORGET HER. If she ever has the nerve to contact you again call the police for harassment. That is what you you should have told her.
XNemesisX Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 If she ever has the nerve to contact you again call the police for harassment. That is what you you should have told her. I think COC may have been the one to contact her... Either way, don't sit and listen to that crap, COC. If she does call, be really busy and unavailable!
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I think COC may have been the one to contact her... Either way, don't sit and listen to that crap, COC. If she does call, be really busy and unavailable! how sad XNX .... and COC was doing soooo well there for a # of days.
tokyo Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I've learned everything there is to know about the new guy. Let's just say he's agreeing to not have sex with her but yet as I said, they've done just about everything but intercourse. And knowing her, that'll happen soon. This is exactly how her last three relationships started. No sooner was one done then she got right back up in the saddle. (Sorry, bad pun). You must be a masochist.... Next time tell her that it's not appropiate for her to discuss this kind of things with an ex-lover and that her new boyfriend probably will not be very pleased when she uses their bedroom stories to punish you. After careful consideration I think it would be best for you and I to isolate ourselves from one another. I wish you the best in your current relationship and I am glad we shared some really good times. I find that was a very very good answer. If she told you all the details in order to hurt your feelings you did a good job to maintain your posture. Swearing like some Wannabealphas suggested will only make you look like a fool. I think it's a big deal of insecurity that makes her give you a kick when you are down already. Nothing will impress her better than a guy who, even though he got hurt, still treats her with respect without letting her walk all over him. Show her that she's an insignificant being in your life, because whatever she does won't hurt you, but that you will not lower yourself to her level. Stop treating her overly nicely though, now that would be weak. Be polite, but only the minimum. Do not try to show her that you are the better person, people will know this. Cold politeness is much better when you deal with this kind of people. You should have hung up the moment she started to come up with the details and then sent her the same email, but it's still not too late and sending this email in my eyes was ok.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 It was hard listening to what she was saying, but in some dimented kind of way, it really brought to the forfront what kind of person she is and how little she cared for me. If she can jump into another relationship so quickly, she must have cared very little for ours. I always thought of her as a best friend but today my business partner corrected me. He said: "She was never your best friend. Your best friend cares about you, helps you when you're down, talks about things, is honest with you and gives you the advice you need. She didn't do any of those things..." and he was right. And then he said: "She was not in a relationship with you. You use that word a lot but that is not what you had. YOU wanted to be in a relationship, she wanted to just "hang out." That's not a relationship as she didn't give anything back. You gave it all. That is why it was so easy for her to go to someone else. And what she has now with that guy is what she had with you. They are NOT in a relationship." He's right. This morning I bolted out of bed, looked in the mirror and said to myself "DO NOT CARE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU!" I don't think she's coming back to me and even if she did, I don't want her. I have a date on Friday and I hope it goes well. I don't have a hard time meeting women or getting dates so I KNOW I am not a loser.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by kooky You must be a masochist.... Next time tell her that it's not appropiate for her to discuss this kind of things with an ex-lover and that her new boyfriend probably will not be very pleased when she uses their bedroom stories to punish you. Asking her confirmed to me the kind of person she is. It's sort of like topical medicine. It stung for a few minutes, then the healing began. Because I know this now, I realize what she's made of and that I shouldn't take it personally. She's just a bad person. I find that was a very very good answer. If she told you all the details in order to hurt your feelings you did a good job to maintain your posture. Swearing like some Wannabealphas suggested will only make you look like a fool. I think it's a big deal of insecurity that makes her give you a kick when you are down already. Nothing will impress her better than a guy who, even though he got hurt, still treats her with respect without letting her walk all over him. Show her that she's an insignificant being in your life, because whatever she does won't hurt you, but that you will not lower yourself to her level. Stop treating her overly nicely though, now that would be weak. Be polite, but only the minimum. Do not try to show her that you are the better person, people will know this. Cold politeness is much better when you deal with this kind of people. You should have hung up the moment she started to come up with the details and then sent her the same email, but it's still not too late and sending this email in my eyes was ok. Thanks. My best friend suggested I make it really short and not be rude. He said being rude would show that she still has me by the cohonies. I don't know what impact that will have on her. I really think she is the kind of person that just doesn't care. Yes alpha, I was doing very well. In fact, I had stopped thinking about her a lot. But she emailed me a few times and I broke NC and paid a HEAVY, HEAVY price for that. I wish I could have stopped myself, but I couldn't. Now that I have to start over, I face sleepless nights over the next week. I hate that. I get headaches when I don't sleep well.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I think COC may have been the one to contact her... Either way, don't sit and listen to that crap, COC. If she does call, be really busy and unavailable! I know her. She won't call or email at least for a few months. If something goes wrong with the new guy she will not come back to me, she will just find a new canvass to draw on. She's the kind of person that runs from problem to problem, never facing her fears.
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 don't think she's coming back to me and even if she did, I don't want her. I have a date on Friday and I hope it goes well. I don't have a hard time meeting women or getting dates so I KNOW I am not a loser. It's sad to see you're comparing yourself to a loser! You're not a loser, you were just heart broken. I'm happy you have a date but remember don't settle. Meet knew people, make new friends, and enjoy life. Don't worry about finding someone else. You can't expect to get over her the way she's handling things. She's throwing it in your face that she never cared. You keep referring to your statements as "I think"...Like if theirs some hope in you heart, let it go!! I'm not going to lie, it's been about a month and I'm dating someone but I'm not calling my ex and telling him..."hey by the way, I might have sex with this guy next week, what do ya think"..That's a little harsh and you're, NO Offense, a dumb a$$ for listening Enjoy your time with people who are going to respect you and treat you good. Stop convincing yourself you're over her. Your trying so hard and I know it hurts but try not to think about...Start talking about other things thats a good start...
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Enjoy your time with people who are going to respect you and treat you good. I really must point out, NSN, that most people do not respect and treat others good by default (unless it is a waiter and they just treat u good to get a good tip!) one must make others respect them and not let them treat u badly. COC has made the fatal error of letting his ex disrespect him and treat him badly and get away with it repeatedly. once a woman loses repect for the man then it is over and the fat lady has sang.
Illusion24 Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 once a woman loses respect for the man then it is over and the fat lady has sang. I agree...but in most cases a woman loses respect for a man because he's disrespected her in different occasions.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever I agree...but in most cases a woman loses respect for a man because he's disrespected her in different occasions. yes NSN, that happens but many time the woman can lose respect becasue her man is too "nice" or spineless or lets her walk all over him. This is what happened to COC. Once a woman knows she has total control over a man then the game is over.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 10, 2005 Author Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever I agree...but in most cases a woman loses respect for a man because he's disrespected her in different occasions. I agree with AM. But I never disrespected her. I just fell in love with her. I couldn't help it. She, on the other hand, didn't want it. Wasn't ready for it and really she probably made it clear several times and I kept thinking she'd come around. So be it. It didn't work out because it was not supposed to work out. There's gotta be someone better out there for me. One other question, in my haste to implement NC again, I forgot to tell her to send my books back and I need them. But if I email her, I break NC and I will probably tell her something mean. What should I do?
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