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If the signals are too ambiguous

Ration22

By Ration22
in General Relationship Discussion

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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If a woman is giving signals that are too ambiguous so that I can't be sure if she is interested or just being friendly then isn't it smarter to play it safe and assume she is not interested? In other words just leave her alone unless she gives signals that are strong enough and have no room to be explained for anything other than romantic/sexual interest?

StalwartMind Established Member

StalwartMind

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Signals can be deciphered in too many ways that even the most clear signal can be the complete opposite. It depends on the individuals sending and receiving, so interpret it as you wish and act according to your own desire. Worst thing that can happen is failure, best thing is success, if you prefer to observe some more, then that's fine too.

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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Signals can be deciphered in too many ways that even the most clear signal can be the complete opposite. It depends on the individuals sending and receiving, so interpret it as you wish and act according to your own desire. Worst thing that can happen is failure, best thing is success, if you prefer to observe some more, then that's fine too.

 

Not necessarily. Worst thing that can happen is getting accused of sexual harassment even for something innocent as asking her out on a date. Nowadays the definition of sexual harassment has been expanded to where a man runs the risk of getting fired or a damaged reputation or a visit from the cops simply for asking a woman out on a date. So if I'm wrong and misinterpret her signs and she turns out to not be interested it could make her uncomfortable to the point of filing a complaint against me. So I don't think it is wise to just act on my own desires always.

 

The new expanded definition of sexual harassment started with good intentions to correct problems with men who won't take no for an answer and keep pestering a woman. Only problem is that this ruins things for the guys who will take no for an answer and then we have situations where a woman will overreact and exaggerate even if it is not the man's intent to harass her.

Edited by Ration22
Methodical Established Member

Methodical

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Posted
If a woman is giving signals that are too ambiguous so that I can't be sure if she is interested or just being friendly then isn't it smarter to play it safe and assume she is not interested? In other words just leave her alone unless she gives signals that are strong enough and have no room to be explained for anything other than romantic/sexual interest?

 

What if she's doing the same thing...dropping just a hint of interest to see if it's reciprocated? That being the case, you'll both continue to play cat and mouse and get nowhere. Asking a woman if she'd like to meet for a cup of coffee is a far cry from sexual harassment.

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Male Established Member

Male

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Posted (edited)
If a woman is giving signals that are too ambiguous so that I can't be sure if she is interested or just being friendly then isn't it smarter to play it safe and assume she is not interested? In other words just leave her alone unless she gives signals that are strong enough and have no room to be explained for anything other than romantic/sexual interest?

 

Many women think their "signals" are like putting you in a pitch black room and shining a lighthouse beacon in your face....when in reality its like being in a pitch black room and seeing a pen light from 100 yards away.

 

Many women are typically so nervous and insecure that the small little sign seems like a huge leap to them. But since most guys grow up going out on a limb time and time again over years and years, thats why its hard for many of us to pick up on a sign that seems so minuscule to us.

 

As I've stated in other threads, I think basing things on signals and non-verbal communication alone is wrong. Open direct communication is what I like, and what I look for. If you think she may be interested, then ask her out. If she says no then no harm no foul. Theres many women that are interested yet they never give a sign.

Edited by Male
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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If a woman is giving signals that are too ambiguous so that I can't be sure if she is interested or just being friendly then isn't it smarter to play it safe and assume she is not interested? In other words just leave her alone unless she gives signals that are strong enough and have no room to be explained for anything other than romantic/sexual interest?

 

If the signals are ambiguous, then a least you have some chance.

 

YOU can duck out if you wish, but why would you want to miss a chance?

Life is for taking a risk, asking someone out, is not like facing a sniper, all she is is a woman who will either say yes or no. She says yes then fantastic, she says no, you move on to another woman.

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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What if she's doing the same thing...dropping just a hint of interest to see if it's reciprocated? That being the case, you'll both continue to play cat and mouse and get nowhere. Asking a woman if she'd like to meet for a cup of coffee is a far cry from sexual harassment.

 

A coffee invitation can be misinterpreted in her mind as code for wanting to have sex with her and using the coffee date as a way to get his foot in the door. So it can be interpreted as sexual harassment.

Methodical Established Member

Methodical

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A coffee invitation can be misinterpreted in her mind as code for wanting to have sex with her and using the coffee date as a way to get his foot in the door. So it can be interpreted as sexual harassment.

 

Have you been accused of sexual harassment in the past? If you are truly convinced that this woman could make such an exaggerated projection over a benign coffee invitation, then you really don't know her well and should probably leave her alone.

 

Asking a person to meet for coffee, once, with no involvement of personal body contact, does not a *legitimate* sexual harassment claim make.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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A coffee invitation can be misinterpreted in her mind as code for wanting to have sex with her and using the coffee date as a way to get his foot in the door. So it can be interpreted as sexual harassment.

 

No rational person is going to think "would you like to get a cup of coffee?" is code for bend over the desk now or you are fired.

 

 

If you think the signals are ambiguous, then you have two choices: do nothing or take a change & try to clarify. Since announcements don't work, asking her for coffee is probably your safer option.

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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No rational person is going to think "would you like to get a cup of coffee?" is code for bend over the desk now or you are fired.

 

 

If you think the signals are ambiguous, then you have two choices: do nothing or take a change & try to clarify. Since announcements don't work, asking her for coffee is probably your safer option.

 

Ok then the safer option is to do nothing and presume that I am in the friend-zone. The friend-zone is torture especially when I have to see her on a daily basis at work. I don't get the benefit of out of sight out of mind that no contact would bring.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Because this is a work situation I think discretion is advisable if the signals are not crystal clear

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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Because this is a work situation I think discretion is advisable if the signals are not crystal clear

 

Which is exactly why I have declined her invitations in the past to join her for drink on breaks and have declined car rides, etc. For the past year I haven't even chosen her as a work partner. I've always picked other colleagues as options before her. So yeah I have already exercised discretion.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Because this is a work situation I think discretion is advisable if the signals are not crystal clear

 

Deleted...

SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

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I would not get involved with a coworker. You say the signals are ambiguous, which makes an overture even more problematic.

 

Better judgment has advised you to exercise caution around her. What happened to better judgment?

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
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If the signals aren't screamingly obvious, you really have a couple of choices:

 

Chance it

 

Don't chance it

 

P.S. Anyone who advises you to get mad at all womankind for not being clear enough is not giving you good advice ;)

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Ok, it's resolved - do not accept anything from this co-worker because it can lead to sexual harassment.

 

So, now that it's resolved to not deal with her anymore - can you stop posting about it?

bachdude Established Member

bachdude

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Not necessarily. Worst thing that can happen is getting accused of sexual harassment even for something innocent as asking her out on a date. Nowadays the definition of sexual harassment has been expanded to where a man runs the risk of getting fired or a damaged reputation or a visit from the cops simply for asking a woman out on a date. So if I'm wrong and misinterpret her signs and she turns out to not be interested it could make her uncomfortable to the point of filing a complaint against me. So I don't think it is wise to just act on my own desires always.

 

The new expanded definition of sexual harassment started with good intentions to correct problems with men who won't take no for an answer and keep pestering a woman. Only problem is that this ruins things for the guys who will take no for an answer and then we have situations where a woman will overreact and exaggerate even if it is not the man's intent to harass her.

 

 

Oh my word, man! The possibility of this is so miniscule!

 

 

The best way to find out if she has any interest is to ask her out.

 

 

Life is full of risks. You could get into a car accident on the way to work and die (probably a greater chance of that than getting accused of sexual harassment for asking her to coffee).

 

 

The only people that do not fail are the ones who do nothing.

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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It really depends. Right now I'm not comfortable with my crush buying me lunch or a candy bar of any size unless she is taking the whole work crew out to lunch. If it was a thing where she wanted to buy the whole work crew lunch then I might participate and partake but I'm not ready to accept any invitations to exclusive activities whether platonic and innocent or not. I don't know why I decline even innocent things like an offer of a candy bar or drink or lunch. It is a knee jerk reaction to say no thank you I already ate a big meal.

 

However it feels natural for me to be a giver to her and share stuff. Although I do make it a point to share with other workers just so there's no room for anyone to accuse me of favoritism. I have witnesses who can testify that I treat everyone at work with the same level of generosity.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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However it feels natural for me to be a giver to her and share stuff. Although I do make it a point to share with other workers just so there's no room for anyone to accuse me of favoritism. I have witnesses who can testify that I treat everyone at work with the same level of generosity.

 

Well, what if someone wants to accuse you of sexually harassing everyone?

 

Didn't think of "that" one, did ya?

 

 

Just for you ^^ ...some sexual harassment training of "do's and don'ts" at the workplace.

 

"You're welcome"...:cool:

bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted
It really depends. Right now I'm not comfortable with my crush buying me lunch or a candy bar of any size unless she is taking the whole work crew out to lunch. If it was a thing where she wanted to buy the whole work crew lunch then I might participate and partake but I'm not ready to accept any invitations to exclusive activities whether platonic and innocent or not. I don't know why I decline even innocent things like an offer of a candy bar or drink or lunch. It is a knee jerk reaction to say no thank you I already ate a big meal.

 

However it feels natural for me to be a giver to her and share stuff. Although I do make it a point to share with other workers just so there's no room for anyone to accuse me of favoritism. I have witnesses who can testify that I treat everyone at work with the same level of generosity.

 

Wait a second. Didn't you post on this before? I remember reading about this.

 

Are you her boss or something? If not, why would anyone accuse you of favoritism or even care?

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Ration22 Member

Ration22

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Wait a second. Didn't you post on this before? I remember reading about this.

 

Are you her boss or something? If not, why would anyone accuse you of favoritism or even care?

 

No I'm not her boss. They might accuse me of favoritism in the sense that my feelings for her are what is motivating me to be more generous with her. Well if I am treating everyone the same such as giving candy to everybody then that helps hide my true motives.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
No I'm not her boss. They might accuse me of favoritism in the sense that my feelings for her are what is motivating me to be more generous with her. Well if I am treating everyone the same such as giving candy to everybody then that helps hide my true motives.

 

I don't know what you're afraid of...

 

You'd probably pass out with all the favoritism, unethical/unprofessional crap that goes on where I've worked at.

craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted

You will of course ignore this advice, but DO NOT GET WITH CO WORKER. Major red flags!

 

The only bonus is office quickies.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
You will of course ignore this advice, but DO NOT GET WITH CO WORKER. Major red flags!

 

The only bonus is office quickies.

 

There's nothing to "get" with...

 

I mean, over the course of a year, dude has turned down this woman's attempts to ask him out for coffee, cheeseburgers, etc.

 

If she, after one year of him not accepting candies and whatever from him and she keeps on trying...she needs to get her head examined.

 

I don't know why he keeps on posting about it. By now she should have given up on nagging him already

 

He is probably insane. Insanity by definition is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Ok, he keeps on posting about refusing her this or that...Ok, it's been a year. Stop posting about it. We got it. :rolleyes:

craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted

He's probably making it up in his head.

 

 

I didn't really read the whole thread!

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