Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Wha? Heck, watch some old Cary Grant movies. He was hilarious at romancing women, which brings up another valid point - humor. You and I might think it cliche when a woman says she likes a man who can make her laugh but truth is laughing and the emotions connected to it can build interest and intimacy. Use it. Will try my best....
joseb Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Dunno to be honest I tried the angle of actually taking her on a proper date, decided to rather offer a lunch as that's less formal than a dinner but she didn't seem too interested. When you say she didn't seem interested do you mean you asked her on a date and she said no?
Author ZA Dater Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 When you say she didn't seem interested do you mean you asked her on a date and she said no? Didn't say yes or say no but I phrased it somewhat differently and said to here "Be great if I can see you more often", her response was a smile.
mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I have lots of guy friends. Why? Because women in general are two faced, jealous b****** to me. I went to an all girls' high school and a women's college. I have female acquaintances from jobs past and who live in other cities/states, but no true women friends. And that's fine with me. Think that's strange? Maybe with this woman in question ask her how/why this came to be with her. Maybe her reasons are similar. But don't be too harsh upon the woman who has a lot of guy friends or thinking that it's strange. There could be a reason for it. 1
Qboro90 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Do you have her phone number? If so it'd be a good move to send her a text and include something (could be a link, story, interaction you had or just made up because you know she'd be into it) .... Just saw this and made me think of you! ".... It's a non aggressive/non creepy way to take your relationship from strictly work into a personal one where you can talk outside of a work event setting. If you don't have her number then the next time you see her you can say something like "you know it's funny I actually saw something the other day that made me think of you for some reason and wanted to text you but I realized that I don't even have your number/business card" then take out your phone and get her number or give her yours and tell her to text/call you so you can store hers.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Do you have her phone number? If so it'd be a good move to send her a text and include something (could be a link, story, interaction you had or just made up because you know she'd be into it) .... Just saw this and made me think of you! ".... It's a non aggressive/non creepy way to take your relationship from strictly work into a personal one where you can talk outside of a work event setting. If you don't have her number then the next time you see her you can say something like "you know it's funny I actually saw something the other day that made me think of you for some reason and wanted to text you but I realized that I don't even have your number/business card" then take out your phone and get her number or give her yours and tell her to text/call you so you can store hers. Decided to follow this advice to a degree, dropped her an e mail saying how nice it was to spend time with her and hopefully we can meet up again sometime. Didn't want to appear too overly eager, despite the fact I AM eager.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) My suggestion? Don't try and date her, try and be her friend. She is most likely having sex with someone, my guess is it is one or more of her male "friends." You want to be one of those guys. Generally speaking, the women with a bunch of male friends are not relationship material. You speak a lot of sense. I don't get that sleep around vibe with her though but I suppose it is possible. The sense I get is she keeps her guy friends at arms length. Thinking about it further you may be right, she doesn't seem to look to date, so either she isn't interested or she is getting the "fruits" somewhere in the form of NSA. Edited August 18, 2015 by ZA Dater
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 The problem here is one is dealing with someone who is incredibly smart but also difficult to read, the mutual friend connection is useful because I get info I wouldn't normally get. At 24 I doubt she doesn't crave some physical gratification but personality wise she doesn't really come across as looking for that, just really tough to read. Mutual friend has known her for 2 years and in that time there have been no guys on the scene. Anyway will see if I get a reply to my question, wouldn't be especially surprised if I don't as this has happened before. The reality here and I thought about this, I am just trying to play myself into a position where I can actually get a date with her to show her what I can offer and who I am. Of course the reality could in fact be she has no interest at all in giving me a chance because she has some buff dude who does what she wants when she wants it.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 She probably does keep some or most of them at arms length. That doesn't mean there isn't a couple of them that she occasionally does more with, especially if she is the type to go out drinking and partying often. Pretty much everyone wants to have sex, and if she isn't dating anyone, some of those guy friends are filling that void, so to speak. If you read here often, you'll see all the problems associated with dating women that have a ton of guy friends. You don't want to be the boyfriend in those cases, since that guy is often disrespected and disposable. The guy friends have it much better. Drinking she does but more in the setting of wine at a high class social events, for a 24yo her tastes are classic music, ballet, wine tastings, gourmet food rather than clubbing. When I saw her on Sat she had a merry time with Champagne and be safe to say she was somewhere between sober and tipsy, where she did become a bit more flirty. Its extremely hard to say why I like this person, its almost entirely personality related, sure she has a naturally pretty face but athletic and model like she isn't. I wouldn't complain at getting into the friend zone, we have quite a few common interests.
TheBathWater Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 As has been ascertained many times I am somewhat clueless at dating so please bear with me. Here are the facts as I see them. 24yo Apparently lots of male friends Hasn't dated in 2 odd years Lovely personality, confident outgoing. I don't really know what to make of the lack of dating, yes its true to say she is a very mature 24yo, more akin to a 34yo. My question is this is it really worth trying to date someone who apparently has lots of options but doesn't apparently explore them and if one did how to actually get passed the friend zone with a person like this because it clear she puts guys in the friend zone often. I didn't bother reading the opinions posted here already, assuming that they vary widely anyway. So here are my two cents... For me, personally, a woman with a lot of male friends is not good! Even if she is not the gullible or narcissistic type, you KNOW that many or all of these guy 'friends' see you as a threat and are in competition with you. You will probably never be buddies with them. Most mature women I've known who were also relationship material knew this on some level and so refrained from having close male friends. Flame me all you want, but experience has taught me this is the case. I don't even bother now with women like this (if I am looking for a serious relationship).
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Oh well, looks like this has flopped like a pancake falling out of a pan on a Sunday morning. Sent her e mail yesterday, day later no reply. Hardly the actions of someone interested. Pretty sure this is more silent rejection again. The game plan here was really to try and get mutual friend convince her that going out with me would be a good idea. Needless to say I feel monumentally yuck and its not just because of the flu I currently have. Just doesn't seem to matter what I do, the result is always the same I simply give up and face the fact I am a looser 31yo virgin and the only people who find me of interest are obese. Really don't know, just for once I hoped I could have a nice date, just flipping once. Though, I must say a "thank you" to many on here for their useful and candid advice, definitely helped me but I think I am going to call time on dating and consider other (paying options).
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Oh well, looks like this has flopped like a pancake falling out of a pan on a Sunday morning. Sent her e mail yesterday, day later no reply. Hardly the actions of someone interested. Pretty sure this is more silent rejection again. The game plan here was really to try and get mutual friend convince her that going out with me would be a good idea. Needless to say I feel monumentally yuck and its not just because of the flu I currently have. Just doesn't seem to matter what I do, the result is always the same I simply give up and face the fact I am a looser 31yo virgin and the only people who find me of interest are obese. Really don't know, just for once I hoped I could have a nice date, just flipping once. Though, I must say a "thank you" to many on here for their useful and candid advice, definitely helped me but I think I am going to call time on dating and consider other (paying options). But you again went looking for oil in the same old dry well. YOU cannot continually beat yourself up over the same girl. She is patently not interested in you as a dating prospect. She may consider you too old for one thing. 7 years is a big gap when you are only 24. Interests in common are just not enough to spark romantic interest. The fact she has loads of guy friends, but never apparently dates men, suggests to me that perhaps you are the wrong gender for her. Whatever the reason she declined, the world is full of single women and you have been far too hung up on one for too long - seek and ye will find. I do not think that you will find fulfilment in "paying options". The women there are only being nice to you, because you pay them and for some men they can delude themselves that that is enough, but I am guessing that YOU personally will not find happiness down that route.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 But you again went looking for oil in the same old dry well. YOU cannot continually beat yourself up over the same girl. She is patently not interested in you as a dating prospect. She may consider you too old for one thing. 7 years is a big gap when you are only 24. Interests in common are just not enough to spark romantic interest. The fact she has loads of guy friends, but never apparently dates men, suggests to me that perhaps you are the wrong gender for her. Whatever the reason she declined, the world is full of single women and you have been far too hung up on one for too long - seek and ye will find. I do not think that you will find fulfilment in "paying options". The women there are only being nice to you, because you pay them and for some men they can delude themselves that that is enough, but I am guessing that YOU personally will not find happiness down that route. No she is "looking for a nice guy", which apparently I am not. I can and will continue to beat myself up about this, this has been the ONLY time EVER where I met someone I liked overall and I found interesting enough to want to spend time with. No, instead I find myself trawling **** dating sites full of 30+ females who have had 2/3 kids, are overweight or I find 30+ females who are beyond desperate because life has passed them by. Like it has me. I didn't think I was asking for much but clearly I am. Honestly given the choice between the aforementioned frankly disgusting choice on OLD and paying someone to like me I would rather take the latter. Neither would make me happy but at least with one I could live a fantasy of sorts and pretend my dating life is better than what it is. The world isn't fair and no sphere shows this more than the pathetic art of dating. Luck favour a few, the rest well we just suck and hell if you haven't have a gf by 31 or got laid by 31. Yes, I am upset.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 But you again went looking for oil in the same old dry well. YOU cannot continually beat yourself up over the same girl. She is patently not interested in you as a dating prospect. She may consider you too old for one thing. 7 years is a big gap when you are only 24. Interests in common are just not enough to spark romantic interest. The fact she has loads of guy friends, but never apparently dates men, suggests to me that perhaps you are the wrong gender for her. Whatever the reason she declined, the world is full of single women and you have been far too hung up on one for too long - seek and ye will find. I do not think that you will find fulfilment in "paying options". The women there are only being nice to you, because you pay them and for some men they can delude themselves that that is enough, but I am guessing that YOU personally will not find happiness down that route. I am so dam sick and tired of reading the highlighted portion. I cannot find anyone that's the honest truth. People bang on about confidence, great. Get rejected your entire life and see how much confidence you have, it doesn't grow on trees, positive experiences give confidence, negative experiences take it away. Bottom line I am just not good enough and nothing I do will ever change that, well maybe if I had more money they may actually look at me. Am going to take a serious look at the pay route because it cant be any worse than this. Never wanted my first time to be with a pay one, imagined a lovely person I genuinely liked, romantic dinner and someone I cared for and was attracted to. The world decided otherwise
carhill Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 IDK, did a lot of the same stuff, ran into tons of MW's, kept on trying, was a virgin until 35, still had LTR's and got married. It all depends on what you want. Frustrating? Sure! On the other end you may find it to be totally worthwhile. My take? Meh. Personally, I think there are different, yet equal, paths for everyone. Cramming oneself into a mold that doesn't fit can be disheartening and frustrating. If this path isn't fitting, try something else. At least you learned a bit about women with a lot of male friends. Tip: I noticed the same thing with the MW's I encountered and/or got involved with. There were always men orbiting; you know, friends. Heh.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 It all depends on what you want. Frustrating? Sure! Well its clear I not going to ever find anyone remotely decent who actually wants me, nor am I going to find anyone intelligent who wants me, in 30 odd years the only people who wanted me were usually obese, dense and generally people nobody else wanted. In addition most lacked class. Here I find someone I do like but I am so bad she cant even friend zone me, please tell me how I don't take that personally and feel like a piece of trash. I didn't have much confidence to start but its totally gone now. I sincerely wish everyone here the very best of luck, those who found what they want I applaud you, appreciate each day, look at him/her appreciate them and let them know you appreciate them. Me, I'd give everything to have that.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 She doesn't need a BF really, when she has many orbiting around her. They give her what she wants...attention! And she's not obligated to give them anything. It's a win win for her. Don't take it personally because it's not just you she is not interested in....all those male friends are out of luck too.....and they seem to be wasting more of their time than you are.
gaius Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 ZA, you don't need to be accepted by women to gain confidence. Just get good at something. Anything really. Weight lifting, stamp collecting, video games, whatever. Become the loveshacker who has the least amount of grammatical errors in the history of the forum if you want. The attitude that comes with being good at something and taking pride in that can start infecting other aspects of your life for the better. Until it spreads to the relationship area. And women start to notice. I'm just going to be brutally honest and say you're right, there isn't a girl out there for every guy. Some guys are going to stay alone all their lives and die that way too. If you can't find a way to get yourself out of that sad sack mindset and gain some confidence there probably isn't going to be one for you either. =/ It's possible to get what you want, it's there for you, but at the end of the day it's up to you to motivate yourself and get it done. Your fate rests squarely on your shoulders. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 She doesn't need a BF really, when she has many orbiting around her. They give her what she wants...attention! And she's not obligated to give them anything. It's a win win for her. Don't take it personally because it's not just you she is not interested in....all those male friends are out of luck too.....and they seem to be wasting more of their time than you are. You know that I can accept, not getting into the friend zone I see as nothing more than an indication I am so terrible she wants nothing to do with me. Perhaps people on this forum don't fully grasp the fact I VERY RARELY find anyone attractive. I am beyond the point of chasing the model type, I cant have that, they aren't interested in 31 yo guys with no dating experience, guys who don't drink and virgins. As I get older my choice seems to get less and less. ALL I wanted here was a chance, that's all.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 This is the thing tho....you can't always get what you want, and when you don't you have to let it go, not let it eat you alive....when we see what we want we get foolishly selfish, and forget that they are allowed to say no and should not have to be crucified for not accepting us. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 ....you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need! *fixed your typos. Nah, just kidding. I do agree with you though. I am similar to OP in the sense that I am rarely super attracted to someone. The last time it happened, I ended up coming off too into her, and didn't make it a mystery. I think that blew it for me.
Oregon_Dude Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 My most recent ex had lots of male friends. She'd go to meet them one on one for drinks - while we were dating. Single guys. I told her this was disrespectful to me and asked her to stop. She was leading them on. At the same time, she loved how many guys were into her and loved the attention. She's 21. Go figure. When I reversed the situation, she admitted she wouldn't want me meeting women one on one. It's a tricky situation, OP. You don't want to come off as possessive, but at the same time, she's kind of f*cking with you. Up to you if you wanna tolerate that.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 This is the thing tho....you can't always get what you want, and when you don't you have to let it go, not let it eat you alive....when we see what we want we get foolishly selfish, and forget that they are allowed to say no and should not have to be crucified for not accepting us. I'd prefer a simple " not interested " over simply being ignored.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 My most recent ex had lots of male friends. She'd go to meet them one on one for drinks - while we were dating. Single guys. I told her this was disrespectful to me and asked her to stop. She was leading them on. At the same time, she loved how many guys were into her and loved the attention. She's 21. Go figure. When I reversed the situation, she admitted she wouldn't want me meeting women one on one. It's a tricky situation, OP. You don't want to come off as possessive, but at the same time, she's kind of f*cking with you. Up to you if you wanna tolerate that. I wouldn't mind simply because I like being around her.
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