ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 As has been ascertained many times I am somewhat clueless at dating so please bear with me. Here are the facts as I see them. 24yo Apparently lots of male friends Hasn't dated in 2 odd years Lovely personality, confident outgoing. I don't really know what to make of the lack of dating, yes its true to say she is a very mature 24yo, more akin to a 34yo. My question is this is it really worth trying to date someone who apparently has lots of options but doesn't apparently explore them and if one did how to actually get passed the friend zone with a person like this because it clear she puts guys in the friend zone often.
h0000 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 lol so many questions like "how to deal with the past""how to deal with the opposite sex friends" "how to deal with so many sexual partners" well, if you can't deal with it, why start a relationship to begin with?? It's not about "whether or not worth trying",it's about "whether YOU can deal with it." If it is a problem for you, why force yourself trying? don't date such a person period!
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 lol so many questions like "how to deal with the past""how to deal with the opposite sex friends" "how to deal with so many sexual partners" well, if you can't deal with it, why start a relationship to begin with?? It's not about "whether or not worth trying",it's about "whether YOU can deal with it." If it is a problem for you, why force yourself trying? don't date such a person period! Lets just say I know this person fairly well and I'd be 90% sure she isn't the "loose" type.
h0000 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Lets just say I know this person fairly well and I'd be 90% sure she isn't the "loose" type. So you trust her, and it's not a problem she has lots of male friends? Then I don't think you have a problem here? If you wonder how to make yourself standout, because she has so many "options",well, you just have to be yourself. Who else can you be,right? If she likes you, she likes you. if she doesn't, you can't make her like you. Whether or not she has many male friends, is actually irrelevant. The number of guy friends does not indicate her level of pickiness.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 So you trust her, and it's not a problem she has lots of male friends? Then I don't think you have a problem here? If you wonder how to make yourself standout, because she has so many "options",well, you just have to be yourself. Who else can you be,right? If she likes you, she likes you. if she doesn't, you can't make her like you. Whether or not she has many male friends, is actually irrelevant. The number of guy friends does not indicate her level of pickiness. Thanks, that was just the comment I needed to read, whether she likes me or not seems to depends on the weather on the day, at the moment its more on the not like scale.
joseb Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) So you found someone you may like? Awesome! The lots of male friends might not be an issue. Does she have female friends? When you date her, you need to make it obvious that you are interested in her romantically. Don't be afraid to flirt. Let her know (by your actions) that you are not looking to be another make friend. Edited August 16, 2015 by joseb
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 So you found someone you may like? Awesome! The lots of male friends might not be an issue. Does she have female friends? When you date her, you need to make it obvious that you are interested in her romantically. Don't be afraid to flirt. Let her know (by your actions) that you are not looking to be another make friend. Lets just say this is someone I meet on an on off basis at events from time to time. Reality is her actions suggest total disinterest but there is a lot in common, yesterday I decided to try everything, or most of what I get told on here and the conversation went well but as last time I cant tell if she is interested or not. I even decided this time to have some champagne in the hope it would make me appear more normal!
joseb Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 What was the gist of the conversation? What kind of topics did you cover? Kudos for the champagne, shows you are willing to get out of your comfort zone.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 What was the gist of the conversation? What kind of topics did you cover? Kudos for the champagne, shows you are willing to get out of your comfort zone. Conversation is quite random, books we enjoy reading (we read similar genres), topics of mutual interest, series and what series and movies we watch. The good thing is I am really comfortable around her, small thing I guess but its been an issue of mine in the past. As to if she is into me, to be honest with myself I doubt it.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 You are one of her man friends True, I typically only see her 3 times a year lol.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 My thinking: lots of male friends= lots of potential competition.
madjac74 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 My thinking: lots of male friends= lots of potential competition. Not really! Lots of great women are just so cool they get a long with guys well. If she wanted to date them then she would be dating them now and you wouldn't be an issue
joseb Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Not really! Lots of great women are just so cool they get a long with guys well. If she wanted to date them then she would be dating them now and you wouldn't be an issue No I wouldn't see these as competition at all. They are friend zoned. So the question is, can you avoid the same fate? You need to steer the conversations around to topics more likely to get her thinking of you as a potential bf, not another friend. It may already be too late, depending on how much time you have spent with her already. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 No I wouldn't see these as competition at all. They are friend zoned. So the question is, can you avoid the same fate? You need to steer the conversations around to topics more likely to get her thinking of you as a potential bf, not another friend. It may already be too late, depending on how much time you have spent with her already. Dunno to be honest I tried the angle of actually taking her on a proper date, decided to rather offer a lunch as that's less formal than a dinner but she didn't seem too interested.
phineas Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Dunno to be honest I tried the angle of actually taking her on a proper date, decided to rather offer a lunch as that's less formal than a dinner but she didn't seem too interested. There is your answer. Women into a guy don't miss an opportunity to spend time with them. Also, you say you see this girl 3 times a year? Your idea of who she is based on a fantasy. 2
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 There is your answer. Women into a guy don't miss an opportunity to spend time with them. Yes, I have to agree. Given the chance of more time spent with an interesting guy - clear that diary right away. Monday sorry busy, BUT Tuesday fine, Wednesday OK, Thursday sounds great, Friday yes, Saturday fantastic, Sunday can't wait... Is this the same girl as before ZA Dater?
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Is this the same girl as before ZA Dater? It is yes. Overall I think I probably took more of the advice I got on here and actually put it to use. My advantage here is I am quite friendly with one of her friends and the feedback was apparently I am much more fun when I drink champagne. Scant consolation I know but at least I feel better about myself and that I played a better game without selling out on being me. 1
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 It is yes. Overall I think I probably took more of the advice I got on here and actually put it to use. My advantage here is I am quite friendly with one of her friends and the feedback was apparently I am much more fun when I drink champagne. Scant consolation I know but at least I feel better about myself and that I played a better game without selling out on being me. Good. Well done. I know you see her infrequently, but is she essentially a work colleague, in that you know her through your work? If she is, then she may not date people she works with, and her refusal is then nothing to do with you as a person.
Penguin_hugs Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Just my experience- but having lots of male friends does not mean you have lots of options! A lot of my friends are male- I was 12 before I had a single female friend. My best friend of 18 years is a guy. And I didn't date at all til I was 20! I'm always being friend zoned- mainly because people think that I must be dating others- or that eventually I'm going to end up with my best friend (who is coincidentally gay- but not completely out to everyone). I did not date until I met people online, away from my usual group of friends who did not know that the majority of my friends are guys. Then I met my BF who doesn't care about it at all!
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 As has been ascertained many times I am somewhat clueless at dating so please bear with me. Here are the facts as I see them. 24yo Apparently lots of male friends Hasn't dated in 2 odd years Lovely personality, confident outgoing. I don't really know what to make of the lack of dating, yes its true to say she is a very mature 24yo, more akin to a 34yo. My question is this is it really worth trying to date someone who apparently has lots of options but doesn't apparently explore them and if one did how to actually get passed the friend zone with a person like this because it clear she puts guys in the friend zone often. I don't know the answer. I often encounter guys like this who have lots of female friends, or worse, is a massive flirt. I don't have a lot of male friend nor am I a flirt. I usually just abort and avoid. Not my type.
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Good. Well done. I know you see her infrequently, but is she essentially a work colleague, in that you know her through your work? If she is, then she may not date people she works with, and her refusal is then nothing to do with you as a person. Luckily she isn't a work colleague, she works with my friends wife, whom I know quite well. Useful for getting the inside track. I probably should make an admission as I spent time with her yesterday a lot of what had been told to me here kept playing in mind, she did smile and laugh, even if it was at me from time to time and that I took as a good sing. What also eased the whole thing was it was an event so the whole atmosphere was quite relaxed. I hope I can make something of this. 1
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 As has been ascertained many times I am somewhat clueless at dating so please bear with me. Practice makes for experience. Here are the facts as I see them. My cynical old fart lulz at putting facts and women into the same sentence. 24yo Driver's license? Apparently lots of male friends Met them? Hasn't dated in 2 odd years OK, let's verify that... Lovely personality, confident outgoing. Positive impressions of someone you apparently find attractive. I don't really know what to make of the lack of dating, yes its true to say she is a very mature 24yo, more akin to a 34yo. Maturity is a plus; already covered the dating part. Can't read minds/unverifiable. My question is this is it really worth trying to date someone who apparently has lots of options but doesn't apparently explore them Ask them on a dateIf one did how to actually get past the friend zone with a person like this because it clear she puts guys in the friend zone often. That part is easy. Don't be a friend. Proceed directly to an unambiguous dating conversation after some flirtatious interaction that has no odor of platonic feelings. Expect whatever you think you had prior to change forever. Accept that. Good luck!
Author ZA Dater Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Practice makes for experience. My cynical old fart lulz at putting facts and women into the same sentence. Driver's license? Met them? OK, let's verify that... Positive impressions of someone you apparently find attractive. Maturity is a plus; already covered the dating part. Can't read minds/unverifiable. Ask them on a date That part is easy. Don't be a friend. Proceed directly to an unambiguous dating conversation after some flirtatious interaction that has no odor of platonic feelings. Expect whatever you think you had prior to change forever. Accept that. Good luck! Not quite as easy to imagine, hard to get seems to be her modus of operandi but lets see, in terms of what she likes we'd be a good match I think and the advantage I have now is I have mutual friend who realised how much I am into this lady.
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Wha? Heck, watch some old Cary Grant movies. He was hilarious at romancing women, which brings up another valid point - humor. You and I might think it cliche when a woman says she likes a man who can make her laugh but truth is laughing and the emotions connected to it can build interest and intimacy. Use it.
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