whats does this mean?

[dsage111]

Hey guys, I got this from a girl that I meet a couple weeks ago. She is someone that I have talked to on the phone almost everyday and or emailed back and forth and someone I really think is good for me at this point. I have put, without a doubt, NO preasure on her to call me. I have also not said anything in the form that I want to get serious with her ASAP. Can you help out? Should I just move on or show her that I'm not scared to wait. thanks guys.

 

 

I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a great guy and I am

enjoying getting to know you. I want to let you know exactly were I

stand: I have recently ended a relationship and am not really ready to

begin something new right away. I am trying to take things slow and

allow myself to get my life settled again. I hope you understand where

I'm coming from. It's just that I don't like to just jump from one thing

to the next, and I am sure you can appreciate that. I didn't want to

put you under the wrong impression so I thought I should be upfront

about this.

 

I enjoy your company and conversation; you are someone I would

definitely like to learn more about and get to spend some time with.

 

Just wanted to give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

[westernxer]

Excuses, excuses.

 

Move on.

[theedge]

Hey there.....

 

Well I read your post and thought I would send you some input. I myself was the guy that was always "Just a friend". There have been a number of times where I thought there was a connection and a girl would say something like that. Sound at least a bit promising? Ya I did too, but what you will find is with in a few weeks they will be dating someone. I think she is trying to let you down gently, but probably is honest when she says she likes your company. When someone likes you, they wouldn't say I am not ready to date. The sad truth usually means I am just not ready to date you. If you proceed good luck! I would reccomend moving on.

[faux]

This girl told you, in other words:

 

You are just a friend.

She is not going to date you now.

She may never date you.

 

If you want to date this girl, or are interested in her as more than a friend, you shouldn't talk to her much anymore. If you keep communicating with her, and she has told you that she is not interested in dating you, you might cause her to think that you really just want to be her friend. She probably won't consider you dating material down the line if you remain her friend.

[dsage111]

hum.....Well, I think you are correct is saying she might be letting me down easy. I guess I should just not think about it and let things take there corse. I want to call her but think we'll wait for her to call me??

 

Thanks for your help..

 

David

[HoldOn]

She's just not that into you.

[Confused1]

My heart almost stopped when I read the original post. I’m in the same situation except I’m the girl that wanted more time. I totally disagree with the idea that she's not interested in you. Let her know your willing to wait and see what she has to say.

 

I thought I was being fair to my guy and letting him know I wasn’t ready – he hasn’t called or e-mailed all day. I still really like him and it hurts that he's willing to end our relationship because I was trying to be honest.

[dsage111]

I don't know what to think. The first thought is that she is trying to let me down easy like a post from someone had mentioned.

 

I have known her for a couple months, but have only recently spent a couple days in a row with her at an event we did together. We had so much fun and never once did I ask her out or make her feel I was asking for more then a couple laughs. Of course the interest was there for me, but for some reason she has turn me into this little shy both with no guts to ask her out. After the event she emailed me to say how much fun she had and that she hopes she could work with us again. We then started to reply back and forth via email, that moved to us calling each other every night, while talking for more then an hour a couple times on the phone. This went on for about 5 days when she finally sent me the email I posted on this forum. I don't think I put pressure on her, as I didn't ask her on a date or anything.. I didn't want to screw things up. Anyway, I got the email-ed and reply'd that I understood where she was coming from and that rushing into things without building a friendship was not my intentions at all. She said thanks for understand where she was coming from and that we would talk soon. Thats where I'm stuck.

 

Should I read into the letter and understand that she in fact isn't interested in me and was trying to be nice by saying she wanted to definitely learn more about me and get to spend sometime with. (her pity party on my behalf), or should I swallow my pride and keep on with the chase. I mean if she was really interested, why wouldn't she see what happens with a friendship instead of saying she didn't want to jump into things? and that she didn't want to give me the wrong impression?

 

I think I got her point out of the email that she likes me..."as a friend" and that she will in fact date someone else...other then me...so dont even ask for a date or you'll get get egg on your face? I will let her make the move if I was reading it wrong. Dont you agree Confused1?

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Confused1

My heart almost stopped when I read the original post. I’m in the same situation except I’m the girl that wanted more time. I totally disagree with the idea that she's not interested in you. Let her know your willing to wait and see what she has to say.

 

I thought I was being fair to my guy and letting him know I wasn’t ready – he hasn’t called or e-mailed all day. I still really like him and it hurts that he's willing to end our relationship because I was trying to be honest.

 

Confused, why should he wait for you? What is your reasoning behind needing more time?

 

Maybe that's just the differences between the sexes, but usually when a girl says "I need more time," she's really saying "I need more time to figure out whether or not I can find someone better."

 

Guys can only go on what they see, not on what they perceive.

 

Now it's time to make the call...

 

ALPHA?????

[ConfusedSensitiveGuy]

She is playing the field.... Got a taste of singlehood and Wants to play ball.

 

Thinks your a nice guy who can be her rock, when she is tired of fooling around.

[Confused1]

I felt I had too much going on in my life and it wasn’t a good time to be any more than friends. I don’t want him to be my white knight and rescue me from everything. While that would be nice, I feel it would just take me from one bad situation to another if the relationship doesn’t work.

 

However, after reading your posts I realized how my guy might be feeling as a result of my actions so I called him instead of waiting for him to call me. He was confused that I called and asked me if “I changed my mind”. He thought I wasn’t interested in him and was letting him down easy. I explained that wasn’t the case. I still want to continue getting to know him. I also explained, based on your posts, my problem with commitment has nothing to do with looking for a better catch down the road.

 

I think you shouldn’t wait for her to make the next move. I only did as a result of the posts I read – I was waiting for him to call me. I wasn’t sure if he was willing to wait and by him not calling I thought he moved on. What do you have to lose by calling? You already feel that she’s given you the boot so it can’t get worse.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by dsage111

I have recently ended a relationship and am not really ready to

begin something new right away.

please read the above excerpt carefully, DSAGE111. If you were genuinely interested in a relationship with someone would you say that to her?

[whichwayisup]

I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a great guy and I am

enjoying getting to know you. I want to let you know exactly were I

stand: I have recently ended a relationship and am not really ready to

begin something new right away. I am trying to take things slow and

allow myself to get my life settled again. I hope you understand where

I'm coming from. It's just that I don't like to just jump from one thing

to the next, and I am sure you can appreciate that. I didn't want to

put you under the wrong impression so I thought I should be upfront

about this.

 

I enjoy your company and conversation; you are someone I would

definitely like to learn more about and get to spend some time with.

 

Just wanted to give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

 

You're just a friend. For now.

 

Basically translated : I like you, who knows further in the future but right now I really am not into you and don't want you to wait for me. Be a friend, that's fine and all I can handle so please don't put pressure or any romantic feelings my way.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

You're just a friend. For now.

incorrect analysis WWIU. If a woman meets a man she really likes a lot she will start dating him right then and there no matter what else is going on in her life. Period. And end of story.

[westernxer]

I've known guys who have waited and it turned out fine, even though they suffered countless weeks and months for the girl to make up her mind. I think part of the process was observing how far the guys would go toward emasculating themselves.

 

That said, I've also known guys who've waited and ended up looking stupid. The girl dropped them like a sack of groceries and moved on to someone else. To make matters worse, the girl rationalized her actions by claiming he was nothing more than a friend. All is fair in love and war...

 

Doesn't mean guys (or girls) should put up with it. It's happened to me as well, except I didn't put up with it; I simply ended it. If this meant damaging the prospect of something more meaningful down the line, so be it. I wasn't about to compromise my dignity by conforming to someone else's time table of how things should work out, especially after things were already moving along nicely. Considering the number of girls available, I think I made the right decision. Every single time.

 

Some guys don't have the balls to do something like this, but I believe you have to exercise a bit of self-preservation in situations like this. Is it selfish? In a way, yes, but you have to cover your own ass, otherwise you'll end up looking like one.

[dsage111]

I relpy’d to her with this while trying to show myself some self preservation and showing some dignity in your life. I have not called her and wasn’t planning to, yet show her that whatever it was she was in trying to tell me in that email didn’t affect me. If looks had anything to do with it, I have been told she should be happier then me. Our conversations made me forget about that part…but…oh well.. so this is what I sent her.

 

So, I don’t know about you, but for me, I thought it would be a little hard to know what to say when talking to you, trying to NOT be that guy having all the wrong intensions while talking to such a beautiful girl. After I had spent a little time around you, and had a chance to learn more about you, it’s clear that it will be even easier then I’d hoped for to explain just where I was coming from, to you. Your email took the words right out of my mouth. (Except for just getting out of a relationship). It’s actually weird that you wrote me explaining yourself…. which I can totally appreciate and thank you for. A large part of my life has dealt with people acting like my friend when only really trying to pry into my business in hopes of getting something.

 

So many of the things we have talked about “so far”, we have in common and seem to get some good laughs from. It’s hard to know very much about anyone in just a couple weeks or two, but sometimes what is there is enough to spark the right interest no matter the circumstances.

You have definitely sparked my interest, and say that it was from the way you act and from to words you’ve said to me. Hence the reason I was in the middle of writing you to explain where I was coming from as well.

 

I just want to be able to spend time learning more about you without us having that feeling of obligation or making either one of us feel awkward. (especially if business is involved) My intensions are to not rush things with you, yet show you that I’m a good guy that doesn’t like to jump into things as well. Good things are built in time and have seen friends of mine build an amazing relationship from having an amazing friendship first. If it’s meant to be it will happen, don’t you agree? It would be really nice to find someone that is a best friend who has all the right intentions and whom will let you live the life you had before meeting.

 

So, again, you sound like a fascinating person, someone that I would really like to know more of. I would like to know more of the things you love in life and things you don’t like in life. We may become good friends, only pen pals, maybe romance or maybe none of the above, who knows for sure, but it would be nice to have the opportunity to find out and if nothing else, have a great friend. I live a very busy lifestyle and plan on it becoming even busier, but will make time for someone who has their own set of goals and dreams. I have no time for games, I’m not a jealous person and don’t like to make people jealous, yet I’m someone who understands ones job and ask for the same in return.

 

Lets talk soon, thanks for hearing my side.

 

 

So, with that said, I have not called her and today she called me last night and emailed me a bunch today, asking how I was and if I had left yet for the weekend. I wasn’t rude, yet just had a friendly chat with her while making sure to end it short with a “I need to go, but will talk soon, have a good weekend if I don’t talk to you”

 

I believe in what makes me feel good and what makes me happy, and understand that, “life hold no promises” I don’t really know what she is doing, but I’m not going to wait around to find out and look like a fool. I emailed her with the above post, and with that she can only wonder what could have been. Your story is told by what you do!

[westernxer]

You're doing the right thing by doing your own thing. Keep us posted if anything new develops.

[sarah12]

You're taking advice from a bunch of guys about what a girl is thinking........??

 

I could see myself being that girl writing the letter. She means exactly what she said. She:

 

- likes you but is scared to get into something right now b/c she just got out of a relationship

- does like you or else she wouldn't have written 'definitely'..no girl writes definitely if she isn't sure of it

- wants to spend time with you but doesn't want the pressure, even though you haven't given her any, she is s sort of pre-empting the situation that may occur

- sounds like a good girl seeing as she doesn't want to be a serial monogamist, wants to give herself time to grieve and to know what she really wants, in other words, she's looking out for the best for both of you - to not rush herself into things, and to not hurt you b/c she currently thinks that she could be leading you that way if things continue

-"Just wanted to give you an idea of where I'm coming from." -- this means just that, she doesn't want to scare you away or tell you to leave her alone, she just wants to make sure everyone is on the same page

 

hope this helps and good luck

[dsage111]

I will keep you posted and will take any advice I can get. I'm interested in everyone's opinions on what to do, male or female. Its nice to get advice from a girl who might have or can see it from her point of view. I know that pride has got in my way before, and didn;t want to read this wrong. Maybe I've just never had a girl be honest and up-front before, who knows... balls in her court.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by sarah12

You're taking advice from a bunch of guys about what a girl is thinking........??

 

Why not? Someone's gotta tell it like it is... he won't get that honesty from other girls.

 

The girl doesn't know what she's thinking, other than she doesn't want to be with him. When a girl wants to be with you, when she really wants to be with you, she'll be with you no matter what. No pussyfooting, no flotsam and jetsam. Period. If she's into you, she'll show you. She won't hide behind some neutral e-mail emphasizing friendship and all that other political correctness.

 

Only a pussy would put up with her antics. Be a man and show some nerve. Even if she hates you for it, she'll have to respect you. Besides, it's not like she's the only girl in town.

 

Worst thing to do is ask another girl what to do about it... they usually don't know. LoveShack, I found, is the exception. A lot of the women on here will tell it like it is, and I have to give them props for it.

 

DSage, you said it... ball's in her court. Don't wait too hard, though. Go out and have fun. The minute she finds out you're with someone else, I guarantee she'll come knocking at your door. By then you'll know her true colors.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by westernxer

Why not? Someone's gotta tell it like it is... he won't get that honesty from other girls.

True

 

When a girl wants to be with you, when she really wants to be with you, she'll be with you no matter what. No pussyfooting, no flotsam and jetsam. Period. If she's into you, she'll show you. She won't hide behind some neutral e-mail emphasizing friendship and all that other political correctness.

Very true!

 

Only a pussy would put up with her antics. Be a man and show some nerve. Even if she hates you for it, she'll have to respect you. Besides, it's not like she's the only girl in town.

Many times when they start to hate u they also start to love you! Better to have negative emotion from a woman than no emotion at all (aka "indifference")

 

Worst thing to do is ask another girl what to do about it... they usually don't know. LoveShack, I found, is the exception. A lot of the women on here will tell it like it is, and I have to give them props for it.

Some of women on LS will say it like it is, some won't. Generally, for a man to ask women for relationship advice is very bad becausse they will give the man an idealistic answer not based in reality and most hetero women don't have any experience in dating and mating with women

 

The minute she finds out you're with someone else, I guarantee she'll come knocking at your door. By then you'll know her true colors.

very likely!

[sarah12]

The girl doesn't know what she's thinking, other than she doesn't want to be with him. When a girl wants to be with you, when she really wants to be with you, she'll be with you no matter what.

 

Not always the case. Wise women think things through before they do them. If there is a third party situation involved (i.e. an ex), she will make sure she is over him by spending some time alone before moving onto something new, no matter how good that new person is for her. I know this because I've done it, because I knew that I didn't want to get into something if my heart wasn't ready for it. I still have some residual feelings left for a guy I dated 1.5 years ago, and I've met one or two great guys that I would love to date later on, but must hold them off til I am over the ex.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by alphamale

True

I agree.

Very true!

Agree again.

 

Many times when they start to hate u they also start to love you! Better to have negative emotion from a woman than no emotion at all (aka "indifference")

So true. Indifference is the worst.

 

Some of women on LS will say it like it is, some won't. Generally, for a man to ask women for relationship advice is very bad becausse they will give the man an idealistic answer not based in reality and most hetero women don't have any experience in dating and mating with women

 

 

very likely!

ask your mom for advice on dating women. They will never give you the correct slant on what a women really wants in dating.

[westernxer]

Sarah12 wrote

Not always the case. Wise women think things through before they do them. If there is a third party situation involved (i.e. an ex), she will make sure she is over him by spending some time alone before moving onto something new, no matter how good that new person is for her. I know this because I've done it, because I knew that I didn't want to get into something if my heart wasn't ready for it. I still have some residual feelings left for a guy I dated 1.5 years ago, and I've met one or two great guys that I would love to date later on, but must hold them off til I am over the ex.

 

You just proved mine and Alpha's point.

 

You weren't completely over your ex... if you were you'd have jumped into a new relationship without reservation of any sort. Kudos to you for being honest with yourself, but you still weren't over your ex, meaning you wouldn't be into any other guy at the moment.

 

Same thing goes for dsage... this girl isn't over her ex either, which means she isn't into him. Or else she hasn't found a guy who will make her forget the ex completely.

[westernxer]

Doesn't mean the girl won't fall for him later, but why should he have to wait for her to get over it? This usually doesn't bode well for the guy... he'll end up as a friend for life as she finds someone else.