Author Oregon_Dude Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 Funny to see this thread still going. This girl cancelled on me again and basically said she's not ready to date right now. Neither am I, tbh. Closed down my dating profile and looking forward to at least 6 months of being single. Moral: if it looks like a flake, talks etc.
phineas Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 just had a woman cancel on me for a 6pm. promises she isn't blowing me off and wants to meet tomorrow. Said she was exhausted. probably has another date. whatever. at least I won't have to waste time texting her since she is too tired to meet me. 1
losangelena Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I don't tolerate flakey behavior from women, simple as that. I only want to spend my time with people who value my time. If a woman thinks it's okay to cancel plans with me at the last minute, I'm not talking to her anymore. You seem to think it's perfectly acceptable for women to flake and to treat men like garbage. Err ... I don't think that's what she was necessarily trying to say. I totally get that canceling is annoying, but I'm really just curious: You said initially that you won't tolerate a woman who cancels, but then you say cancels last-minute. I mean, in your world, is there EVER a reason to push things off? Like (hypothetically), you have a date set up for Thursday but she wakes up sick Thursday morning. If she calls you at 10:00 am for an 8:00 pm date, is she screwed? Or what if her car breaks down on her way to your date, or she gets into an accident? Or she knows on Friday that she won't be able to make your Saturday date because something came up? I'm not asking to be snarky in any way, I'm really just curious. Ideally, the people we date DO respect our time, but life does get in the way of even the most respectful sometimes. 1
BriNyc82 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I wish I could say the men in NY respect my time but the bottom line is they don't. I respects everyone's time, regardless if we have met or not b/c it's something I value for myself. I completely understand that people legitimately do have valid excuses. Heck, my uncle died and I had to cancel a date. It sounded so cliche but it's all about how you approach it. It all comes down to respecting my time. I don't think men know how much work we put into a date. I wore a super cute outfit to work, schlepped my makeup with me, curled my hair that morning. Why do I even bother? If I didn't followup he would have never "cancelled" on me to begin with. I can't tell you how many times this happens. They make plans for a certain day and poof never hear from them.
Ami1uwant Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 My rules on dating..... Before the date fund out if the person is ready to date??? If she is just starting to date after a LTR then she may not be ready. If this is the first time she has tried online dating and it's very new to het she may not be ready to date snd cancel. If someone calls a few hours before the date to cancel I give them the benefit of the doubt. I give them a 2nd chance. It also depends on what their career is or if they have young children because things can happen because child is sick or sitter cancelled. In some jobs they could have some chaotic schedules where they get called in. If they cancel they are usually very apologetic so there is a genuine approach eith it than if they are canceling for not real reasons.
writergal Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 Thanks guys. I just went through a breakup, and was looking forward to dating to kind of take my mind off of it -- but I'm not going to put up with a bunch of flakiness, either. At this point I'm thinking that dating may not be the best plan for me. Rejection after rejection: not very good for the ol' self-esteem. Dude, calm down. You've only been broken up with your ex for 3 weeks. Do you really want to rebound right now? Take some time off dating for your own mental health. The earth is well populated so there won't be any shortage of single women for you to date when you're no longer an emotional wreck. Do you play sports? Have any hobbies? Maybe take yourself out of the online dating game for now, and just have some fun doing things you enjoy with your friends or meeting new people. Just my .02. 1
autumnnight Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I'm so glad I am old enough to have dated before the electronic age, where apparently only perfection and psychic ability is good enough 1
RoseVille Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I don't tolerate flakey behavior from women, simple as that. I only want to spend my time with people who value my time. If a woman thinks it's okay to cancel plans with me at the last minute, I'm not talking to her anymore. You seem to think it's perfectly acceptable for women to flake and to treat men like garbage. I didn't say that at all, nor even suggest it. You expect PERFECTION, she can never cancel. She won't get another chance, no matter what. That's highly unrealistic, and I suspect you haven't had a relationship in a long long time with that standard. 3
phineas Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 lol. Chick is too "exhausted" to meet. Tells me she wishes we had already met so I could come over then wants to continue texting me?!?!?!?!? no thanks. I told her I was busy getting stuff done & asked "I thought you were exhausted?" WTF? bet she will flake on me tomorrow. LOL!
RoseVille Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 lol. Chick is too "exhausted" to meet. Tells me she wishes we had already met so I could come over then wants to continue texting me?!?!?!?!? no thanks. I told her I was busy getting stuff done & asked "I thought you were exhausted?" WTF? bet she will flake on me tomorrow. LOL! Going on a date/first meet takes a lot of energy for a woman, the whole "getting ready" thing alone is exhausting. After a long day at work, an exhausting weekend, whatever, I just don't have the energy or desire to go out. There are tons of people I don't have the energy to go out and hang out with, including good friends who are fun and who I enjoy spending time with, but have no problem laying supine on the couch to text instead. She wants to make a good first impression, and have energy for the date. I get it. I also get that that her saying as much and wanting to reschedule has the opposite effect with you in that it gives you a poor first impression. But I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, especially since she was honest. 1
phineas Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Going on a date/first meet takes a lot of energy for a woman, the whole "getting ready" thing alone is exhausting. After a long day at work, an exhausting weekend, whatever, I just don't have the energy or desire to go out. There are tons of people I don't have the energy to go out and hang out with, including good friends who are fun and who I enjoy spending time with, but have no problem laying supine on the couch to text instead. She wants to make a good first impression, and have energy for the date. I get it. I also get that that her saying as much and wanting to reschedule has the opposite effect with you in that it gives you a poor first impression. But I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, especially since she was honest. Please, i don't accept excuses like that. It's nonsense. However she did call and explained over the phone. She didn't want to text me about a slight medical issue she was having because she didn't think it appropriate and we are going to meet tonight. This is an example of a woman making an effort to let me know she wasn't blowing me off. 1
guest569 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Nah i think the exhaustion thing could be a legit excuse, as with illness, family emergencies etc. you have to give people a chance or you are just punishing yourself and missing out on opportunities. I cant help but wonder if people who check up on the day "are we still on?" Are giving the person an out. 1
phineas Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Nah i think the exhaustion thing could be a legit excuse, as with illness, family emergencies etc. you have to give people a chance or you are just punishing yourself and missing out on opportunities. I cant help but wonder if people who check up on the day "are we still on?" Are giving the person an out. She showed. She was about 25lbs heavier than her pics. At 5ft tall that much weight difference was enough that I didn't even recognize her. So I'd say she got cold feet cause of her frauding.
aloneinaz Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I agree that in most cases, people who cancel, especially last minute are not being truthful. They get cold feet, or maybe had a great date the night before and don't want to go on a new one or are not sure they want to meet you. I was lucky as I only got cancelled on once during several years of dating post divorce. The girl was much younger than I and she canceled by text siting family drama. It didn't really bother me either. I told her no worries and we'd do it another time. I didn't contact her again either. She texted a few days later and asked if I still wanted to meet up. I said sure, let me know when you're free. She did and while she was a little hottie, she was WAY too young for me. I had to cancel a couple of dates for various reasons. I ALWAYS called them to explain in detail why I was canceling vs. a cold text. I also asked on that call for another time and place to show them I was serious about wanting to meet them.
Diezel Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Going on a date/first meet takes a lot of energy for a woman, the whole "getting ready" thing alone is exhausting. After a long day at work, an exhausting weekend, whatever, I just don't have the energy or desire to go out. There are tons of people I don't have the energy to go out and hang out with, including good friends who are fun and who I enjoy spending time with, but have no problem laying supine on the couch to text instead. She wants to make a good first impression, and have energy for the date. I get it. I also get that that her saying as much and wanting to reschedule has the opposite effect with you in that it gives you a poor first impression. But I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, especially since she was honest. No. No. No. No. No. If this is a common mindset for someone who is actively dating, stop dating. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Did she bring up re-schedule specifics? Or just an open ended cancel? In my experience, if a woman is genuine she'll bring up re-scheduling. But if not, it's best just to delete her and not even respond. Edited August 25, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
RoseVille Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 No. No. No. No. No. If this is a common mindset for someone who is actively dating, stop dating. I've never had a guy next me because I cancelled. So, it's working for me.
Diezel Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I've never had a guy next me because I cancelled. So, it's working for me. So how long have you been married for?
Kofybean Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 ..but wants to reschedule. Next her? I don't believe she'd show up to the follow-up date, either. She had a better offer.
Mjm1014 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I haven't had a chance to read everyone else's posts but I'll tell you this much OP... I give one flake then I "next" them. There is no excuse after that. I understand this day in age everyone has a busy schedule, but it's not fair to you to put your busy schedule on hold more than once just to be pushed away (usually for a better offer). If she flakes once, I am nice and say no problem..if she seems shady with her excuse, I will tell her politely that I am a busy guy and ask her when works for HER...let her set a date (don't force it if she is unsure) and hold her to it. Explain to her that if that's the date she picks, it better work out, because I have other fish to fry if she can't make it. She flakes again, no response necessary to her just simply move on....girls/guys like that you won't want to date long term with anyways. Some people are wired that way and you'll be stood up a lot even if it works out since THEIR NEEDS always come first. Good luck
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