dowbuild Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 A month and a half out I keep thinking I will be getting better but I'm not. The mornings are absolutely horrific. I wake up at 5am every morning and start the thought process all over again about where it all went wrong. Nothing really makes sense what he said when we broke up. We hadn't been unhappy for a long time just more communication issues. I want to call and get more insight so badly but I know that won't help. If he wanted to come back he would... I think except he is one of those too proud people. After all the closure he has given me I should be able to move on but I can't I am so stuck trying to figure it all out and wondering how he doesnt want to get in touch with me or see me. I know he loved me. How can he be so much more distant about it. It's really killing me and I feel like such a sense of loss in all of my life. I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication which is the only thing that can get me through the days. How do I let go? The pain and wondering is too much to live with. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 How do I let go? The pain and wondering is too much to live with. What's the alternative? To die of love or the loss of love? Everything comes to an End. It's part of life, but I know how hard it is to accept that the end has arrived. It's good you are on anti-anxiety meds. I'm sure it will help you. Really all you can do is focus on yourself and make plans and set some goals for your future. I'm a month and a half out too. My break up had an adverse effect on me. I was in such a dark place I thought my world had ended. I've never experienced such horrible panic attacks, loss of sleep, pain and hopelessness. I said; "To Hell with this" and decided to make some big life changes. October 1st, I'm planning on moving 1700 miles away and starting fresh. Now I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm gonna leave all the emotional turmoil and baggage behind and start over. Not saying this is a solution you should take, but you have to make some changes in your life. You have to take a stand and no longer be a slave to the Breakup. 4
Happines Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I was the dumper and it was so so hard for me because I loved him however I knew it was not good for me and that I was treated badly...so I started going therapy as well as going out more down swing my friends As well e wry morning I wake up I say to myself...hey I am going to have an amazing day then put some Barry White on do my makeup and go t work...it's still hard some time but so so much better and with more time it will get even better...u just need to realise that that person was mo food for u and one day u will meet someone u deserve 2
aloneinaz Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 A month and a half out I keep thinking I will be getting better but I'm not. The mornings are absolutely horrific. I wake up at 5am every morning and start the thought process all over again about where it all went wrong. Nothing really makes sense what he said when we broke up. We hadn't been unhappy for a long time just more communication issues. I want to call and get more insight so badly but I know that won't help. If he wanted to come back he would... I think except he is one of those too proud people. After all the closure he has given me I should be able to move on but I can't I am so stuck trying to figure it all out and wondering how he doesnt want to get in touch with me or see me. I know he loved me. How can he be so much more distant about it. It's really killing me and I feel like such a sense of loss in all of my life. I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication which is the only thing that can get me through the days. How do I let go? The pain and wondering is too much to live with. Gus hit a lot of the big rocks already but.. ask yourself what you're gaining by rehashing all this over and over and over again? It's YOUR past now. Learn from it what you can and then ACCEPT that it's over and come to peace with it. What are you doing for you? What goals have you set to improve your life and find happiness? Ask yourself this question and BE HONEST.. Do you REALLY miss him or is this more about the rejection you feel? It's natural to feel like you miss you ex when in fact your simply miss the companionship the relationship brought you. Going from having a partner in your life to share all your daily events with, spent time with, have sex with and then suddenly they are GONE, is a shock to our systems. It's a habit and like any habits, there is a withdrawal that you have to ride out. Why do you think so many people dump or get dumped and immediately start to date or jump into another relationship? Because they don't want to feel that loneliness, rejection, failure and pain. Them having someone new in their life can prevent all that. Yes, it may or may not be the right thing, but that's how they cope with it. Listen to Gus's advice. He's come to accept that his last relationship failed and she simply wasn't a person with any character or class. He's healing and has learned how to navigate through the pain. I bet he's feeling better w/his NC and time passing as well. 1
dkgwillow Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I've been doing a lot of reading since my live in boyfriend of nearly two years suddenly ended things last weekend, and from everything I've read the need to know why is perfectly normal. The problem is no matter how many times he tells you why or how many ways he says it, you don't want to hear it and you aren't ready to accept it. The hardest thing is accepting that you may never get a reason that will push you to let go, you just have to do it. The only thing you really want to hear is for him to say he was wrong and wants you back, but right now that's not happening, and it may never. You're not hurting him by obsessing over the why, your damaging yourself and delaying the healing process. I can tell you from experience, you don't want or need someone who doesn't want or need you. All that energy your expending into this needs to be channeled into healing yourself. Know that this will pass and one day a new love will enter your life and make you wonder why you wasted so much time. 3
rebel Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Best advise to help you move on is to do lots and lots and lots of different things. Variation is the key. Join a gym, buy a new car, join a club, swap jobs etc. Doing things that are different, helps your mind to accept change, as you are 'changing' lots of other things you do also. Its takes a looooong time and its sucks! But life is a journey. Talk to your friends (even if you think they are sick of your whining) and keep on truckin. You will get there :-)
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