Skippy1988 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 My new girlfriend (started dating July 26th, so 2.5 weeks) always says negative things about her self. Such as: when we first tried having sex, "you probably think I suck at sex", nothing happened I just wanted to change positions. and later in that sex session when I didn't cum she started crying and said "you don't think I'm attractive" she has also said recently "are you getting sick of me?" She also does things that are weird such as, not letting me see her tits when shes changing in the morning, and not wanting to shower naked with me. I don't know why she says such things, it makes me feel bad. she says these things as if she thinks i think them..which I dont! I think she may be insecure. Any chance she could be inexperienced also? The first time we had sex, her pussy was too dry for sex even after I did tons of foreplay on her and she had an orgasm, she had to grab her lube close by...? whats that all about? Could it be that maybe she has some performance anxiety as well? Also, she seemed very tight once I got it in too.. the first few times we had sex i had some problems, such as - getting soft while i searched for the condom (happened twice) - not cumming one time So I recently thought about telling her "to get more comfortable around you we should take sex off the table and we can do anything else. I can please you all you want, I just want to take some pressure off of my dick for now" Thanks!
mrldii Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Reads like she has poor body image and/or low self-esteem. Until she works on it and comes to grips with who she is and becomes happy with herself, expect to spend lots of time assuaging her fears. It's a double-edged sword, as her need for constant reassurance will grow the more it's fed, but she'll draw her own negative conclusions if you don't constantly validate her. Best of luck to you...
Satu Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 If you want to be with her it will be hard work. That doesn't mean you shouldn't, but she really needs some therapy to work on her view of herself. Take care. 1
Author Skippy1988 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I'm constantly giving her compliments and I really try to make her feel good! I say shes beautiful all the time!! Also, do you think she'd be less likely to leave me (for any reason) because she does have such low self esteem? 1
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I guess both of you have some performance anxiety here. Keep speaking to her, tell her she is beautiful and how much you enjoy spending time with her. Encourage her. Smile a lot and make her feel great. She will mirror you, if you are tense she will be tense, if you are open and relaxed, so will she be. Take your time. If she is dry, use lots of lube and be gentle, make no big deal of it. Dry sex is really painful and if she is inexperienced will make her clam up and even start to dread it. 1
mrldii Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 ...Also, do you think she'd be less likely to leave me (for any reason) because she does have such low self esteem? Yup, she probably will be less likely to leave you, due to her low self esteem. You wouldn't be the first man to pick a *damaged* partner to lessen the likelihood of being left. Of course, she probably will run you ragged with her neediness...unless you, too, suffer from low self esteem so her problem makes yours pale in comparison; i.e., her sense of unworthiness in her life makes you feel more worthy in yours. 1
Satu Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Compliments from you will only bring limited and temporary relief, because her problem is about how she she sees herself. It's not really about how you see her. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 She has low self esteem & is seeking external validation. Instead of complimenting her, you need to tell her to stop being so down on herself. Tell her it pains you to hear her talk so negatively but you also find it insulting because you know you have good taste in women & for her to say that she's worthless is in effect telling you that you have bad taste in women because you like her. Also tell her that if she doesn't address her issue, you are leaving. This will get worse not better. Less then 21 days into the relationship there are already problems that she is causing. This won't get better. 2
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