Rainah Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Hi all, I am currently confused and don't know what to do or what to even think at this moment in time! I went on a date with a man who lives 3 hours away, he let me stay the night because he does live a little bit of a distance obviously. He told me in advance that he suffers with Schizophrenia. Before our date we talked online everyday almost all day, we met up on Tuesday and had our date, I stayed over until Wednesday. After I left he said things look like an uphill from here with us, when I was heading home we texted, we were talking on twitter and the vibe felt right. I noticed his attitude has changed on Thursday, he isn't responsive much anymore, I called him Thursday to see if everything was ok and if he is still interested and he says he is, I told him I miss cuddling him and he said he missed cuddling me too. Friday he completely ignored me. I am trying to arrange for a 2nd date but he is not responding to me, he tweets on twitter all the time and responds to other people but with me...nothing... I don't understand what I did and why I am getting the ignore treatment? I hate to keep looking like I am being needy and pushy. I keep reading up that this is part of Schizophrenia, but it doesn't make sense to ignore me and talk to other people instead? I really don't understand it and it feels so frustrating. Should I leave him alone and let him come to me or should I give him the benefit of the doubt? Is he just stringing me along? Has he relapsed? I am sitting here pulling my hair out feeling really ignored, i have been crying over it. We are 28 and we both agreed to being honest and not 'waste each others time' but right now it is feeling like he is wasting my time. His sleeping pattern is terrible he stays up all night, he has to take pills to basically knock him out as he can't sleep without them. I was considering on just letting him come to me, if he wants to meet me he will put in the effort to make plans of saying something or at least responding. People tell me I should just find someone else but I only met him 3 - 4 days ago, should I just try be calm, wait and see what happens? I really do like this guy and I am not good at just 'giving up' without giving people a chance, even if I am hurting right now.
RoseVille Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Wouldn't him saying that things look uphill from here be concerning to you? That's not a promising comment. Was this the first meeting? If so, he probably just didn't feel the same spark you did; it happens all the time.
Poppyolive Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Those are not actions of someone who is interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Use his actions as words. What do they say to you? You'll go blue in the face with trying to figure someone out. You've expressed interest, he hasn't don't waste anymore time. For yourself, I wonder why you are so needy? Missing cuddles from someone you just met is a bit of a redflag. You deserve someone whom is willing to invest time in getting to know you. Not someone who purposefully ignores you. After three day, you should move on. 3
Arieswoman Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Rainah, Just because someone has Schizophrenia doesn't mean that they don't have the ability to pick their own partners! I went on a date with a man who lives 3 hours away, he let me stay the night because he does live a little bit of a distance obviously. Please tell me you didn't sleep with this guy? His disinterest has nothing to do with his condition. He just isn't that interested. That's his choice and isn't a reflection on you. Friday he completely ignored me. I am trying to arrange for a 2nd date but he is not responding to me, he tweets on twitter all the time and responds to other people but with me...nothing... I don't understand what I did and why I am getting the ignore treatment? Read what you wrote ^^^. He's just not interested. I hate to keep looking like I am being needy and pushy. Then stop acting needy and pushy. Why are you getting so upset over a guy you met only once? Time to move on. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Ouch, sorry for your situation OP. A question - did you sleep with him? And how was it decided that you should go to him, rather than meet in the middle or him come to you? In any case, he's sending a very clear message that he's not interested. The way he went about it speaks volumes. Consider it done and don't contact him anymore.
HereNorThere Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Have you really done the research you need to do on schizophrenia? Are you truly prepared to do with a life long illness like that? This is not something I would take lightly. A lot of people suffering from schizophrenia take antipsychotics that effect the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is part of your brain's natural reward system (amongst many, many other things.). Major side effects of these types of medications are lack on interest, mood swings, depression, etc. You may find that someone who suffers from this has a very hard time forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships. Proper medication and compliance certainly makes a difference, but schizophrenia is a very serious mental illness. 3
StellaGrace Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I went on a date with a man who lives 3 hours away, he let me stay the night because he does live a little bit of a distance obviously. He told me in advance that he suffers with Schizophrenia... His sleeping pattern is terrible he stays up all night, he has to take pills to basically knock him out as he can't sleep without them. No disrespect meant here, but what about any of this sounds like a good potential guy to be involved with? First, according to the National Institute of Mental Health: "Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe, and disabling brain disorder... People with the disorder may hear voices other people don't hear. They may believe other people are reading their minds, controlling their thoughts, or plotting to harm them. This can ... make them withdrawn or extremely agitated. People with schizophrenia may not make sense when they talk. They may sit for hours without moving or talking." Second, you met him for the first time and slept over at his house? And now you are surprised that he is not responding? If I were you, I'd let this one go. 2
Maxtor Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) I know I will probably get flamed by this, but, are you willing to have kids with someone who has Schizophrenia? Because its a hereditary disorder, that is passed specially from father to daughter. Edited August 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I know someone with Schizophrenia. It's not the kind of people you want to get involved with. Very often this man I know will stop his meds then he'll go in a trance where he thinks he's a special agent. He disappears for days and his family have to look for him. Most of the time they find him sleeping in the streets. Then they have to get back in the psychiatric ward and put him back on his meds. When the meds are in full effect they let him out. He's good for maybe 6 months then he stops taking his meds again and he goes in another type of trance. It was also very stupid of you to sleep under the same roof as a stranger and stupider to sleep under the same roof as someone suffering from Schizophrenia and not knowing the level of their illness or if he was on his meds. If this guy had stopped his meds he could have been completely disconnected from reality and hurt or kill you. Most serial killers suffers a form of Schizophrenia. I hope I scared you enough. 2
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 If after knowing the guy for 3-4 days you are tearing your hair out and crying over the guy, and wondering what he is up to and what he is thinking, then I suggest you are not a suitable candidate for dating anyone with the severe mental illness that is schizophrenia. Anyone doing that knowingly, will need nerves of steel and a deep understanding of the condition. Of course just because he has schizophrenia, doesn't mean he is incapable of thinking, "Nah, she's just not the one for me" and going cold on you. 3
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) >>"Before we met, we talked on line all day, every day....we met up and had our date on Tuesday ....I stayed over until Wednesday. After I left, he said things look like an uphill battle, when I was heading home we texted, we were talking on twitter and the vibe felt right. I noticed his attitude has changed since.....<< --------------- I am sorry, but this man does not have Schizophrenia... I don't care what he told you, he is full of crap...and I think you got played. I have worked with those with Schizophrenia, and my own nephew suffers from Schizophrenia. This is a very VERY serious mental illness, rendering those who suffer from it delusional, literally hearing voices in their head .... paranoid to the point where my sister came home one day and found my nephew had boarded up the entire house because he was convinced aliens were invading. Most of the time he spends sitting in the middle of his room, lights off, no radio or TV on, just alone sitting in there all by himself shaking. Finally, my sister chose to have him hospitalized. Other Schizophrenics I have worked with had similar symptoms, some worse than others, some a bit better than others. Even when they do manage to stay on meds, which is rare because of all the horrible side effects, they are incapable of interacting with people like the rest of us. They usually are unable to hold jobs. They very rarely, if ever, leave their homes without supervision. So for this man to be talking to you all day, on line and on twitter, had the presence of mind to make a date, keep the date, have sex?????? Maintain his own apartment or house? Sorry no way in hell he has Schizophrenia. Sorry hon, but imo you got played big time! He probably lied about it as it's a convenient excuse to use after essentially "pumping and dumping" you. Sorry, lesson learned. Don't believe every single thing a man tells you before getting to know him a bit more. And for the love of all things beautiful, DON'T ever go over to a strange man's home before you have even met him, and worse, spend the night! Sorry this was a bit harsh, but sweetie what were you thinking? You need to learn to be smart about these things, otherwise you are going to continue getting played ....or worse! Edited August 15, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 If after knowing the guy for 3-4 days you are tearing your hair out and crying over the guy, and wondering what he is up to and what he is thinking, then I suggest you are not a suitable candidate for dating anyone with the severe mental illness that is schizophrenia. Anyone doing that knowingly, will need nerves of steel and a deep understanding of the condition. ***Of course just because he has schizophrenia, doesn't mean he is incapable of thinking, "Nah, she's just not the one for me" and going cold on you***. Um, yeah it is. Those who suffer from Schizophrenia are completely out of touch with reality, delusional and paranoid ....no way are they even capable of interacting on twitter, on line, let alone have what would appear to be a normal date, including sex. He may suffer from some type of mental disorder, but he does not have Schizophrenia. No way. He was full of crap when he told her that.
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Um, yeah it is. Those who suffer from Schizophrenia are completely out of touch with reality, delusional and paranoid ....no way are they even capable of interacting on twitter, on line, let alone have what would appear to be a normal date, including sex. He may suffer from some type of mental disorder, but he does not have Schizophrenia. No way. He was full of crap when he told her that. Depends unless he was in a persona. The man I know who suffers from schizophrenia would present himself to a police department, would Identify himself as agent 76567, wanted to see the file on ABC and he played the part to a T till they figure out there is no agent 76567.
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Depends unless he was in a persona. The man I know who suffers from schizophrenia would present himself to a police department, would Identify himself as agent 76567, wanted to see the file on ABC and he played the part to a T till they figure out there is no agent 76567. Okay fair enough, possible. I was just describing the worst cases where those with the illness are completely dysfunctional. So what was this guy's persona I wonder.... and if he *was* assuming a persona, would he really be announcing he has Schizophrenia? Under a persona, would he even be aware he suffers from it? OP, does he work, have a job? The whole situation sounds really bizarre but I suppose anything is possible.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Before our date we talked online everyday almost all day, we met up on Tuesday and had our date, I stayed over until Wednesday. After I left he said things look like an uphill from here with us, when I was heading home we texted, we were talking on twitter and the vibe felt right. I guess his "Schizophrenia" didn't kick in until AFTER he had sex with you. Damn, I hate when that happens.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 He may suffer from some type of mental disorder, but he does not have Schizophrenia. Yes. It's called *******itis.
loveweary11 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I didn't even read this,but after being married to the diagnosed mentally ill, all I can say is: RUN AWAY!! You cannot fix mental illness. You can't beat it as a team. Eventually it will destroy you and you relationship. Just bail. 1
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Yes. It's called *******itis. Haha ....I am glad to hear I am not alone in thinking the guy was full of crap...... 1
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I didn't even read this,but after being married to the diagnosed mentally ill, all I can say is: RUN AWAY!! You cannot fix mental illness. You can't beat it as a team. Eventually it will destroy you and you relationship. Just bail. I don't think she needs to worry about it..... It appears HE is bailing on her .....after their one night of nookie. 2
Haydn Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 My Grandmother lived with schizophrenia all her life. With a combination of medications she lived a full and pretty successful life. So it can be managed. Just wanted to add that after seeing a few of the comments from the `Professionals` here. Good luck OP. 9
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I find OP story very disturbing. If this is how she handles online dating than she is asking to be on the 6 o'clock news very soon. A man telling me he has schizophrenia would scare the shyt out of me but there she goes traveling 3 hours to spend the night with him. A complete stranger. A complete stranger with a severe mental illness. 2
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 My Grandmother lived with schizophrenia all her life. With a combination of medications she lived a full and pretty successful life. So it can be managed. Just wanted to add that after seeing a few of the comments from the `Professionals` here. Good luck OP. It's documentated that men suffer more severely from schizophrenia than woman and men are less responsive to medication. 2
loveweary11 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 My Grandmother lived with schizophrenia all her life. With a combination of medications she lived a full and pretty successful life. So it can be managed. Just wanted to add that after seeing a few of the comments from the `Professionals` here. Good luck OP. That's amazing. I wish my ex could have done the same. It's nice to hear a positive outcome. 1
losangelena Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Just want to chime in here and say that my great uncle had schizophrenia. I never met him, so I don't know what he was like, but he was married, and my mom stayed with him whenever she drove up to Toronto (she grew up in NYC). So yes, he did often think "the rays" were going to get him, and was paranoid in that sense, but he was able to carry on a relationship (though admittedly, I'm not sure how great it was). Anyway—I think it can be managed (in some cases), though it's probably very difficult. I personally would not engage with someone who suffers from it on a romantic level, but depending on where on the spectrum someone is, unless they're violent or a harm to others, I wouldn't necessarily be afraid to stay with them. 2
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Um, yeah it is. Those who suffer from Schizophrenia are completely out of touch with reality, delusional and paranoid ....no way are they even capable of interacting on twitter, on line, let alone have what would appear to be a normal date, including sex. He may suffer from some type of mental disorder, but he does not have Schizophrenia. No way. He was full of crap when he told her that. I disagree, there is a wide spectrum of people with schizophrenia, not all schizophrenics are as you describe, many can lead fairly normal lives on medication and psychiatric support. Yes, they can have acute psychotic episodes where reality is a challenge, but they are not all incapable of communicating normally, nor working effectively. What It?s Like to Live with Schizophrenia | World of Psychology An older doctor I met once was schizophrenic, he was working successfully, he said he still sometimes heard the voices, but he had learned to shut them off. As a younger man he was very ill at times, but had learned to effectively manage his condition as he got older. 7
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