brokengirl85 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Why he continued to have sex with me (two years plus) knowing I loved him but he would never be able to reciprocate those feelings. Just that. I really cannot comprehend this. It's beyond me. (NC 4 months)
casey.lives Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) people usually try to get the most out of a situation. It's your job as a women and to evaluate a man and to pick wisely. you can't comprehend that you chose to open yourself?? it's what you gave him?! i don't why he can't reciprocate Edited August 15, 2015 by casey.lives
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 people usually try to get the most out of a situation. It's your job as a women and to evaluate a man and to pick wisely. you can't comprehend that you chose to open yourself?? it's what you gave him?! i don't why he can't reciprocate Thing is I was naive. He knew I was naive but he still decided to continue having sex with me. I'd like to ask him why he continued hurting me knowing he could never loved me as I wanted to. I was ingenuous and thought he'd eventually fall in love with me. He knew about my feelings all the time, encouraged them yet continued deceiving me.
mightycpa Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Thing is I was naive. He knew I was naive but he still decided to continue having sex with me. I'd like to ask him why he continued hurting me knowing he could never loved me as I wanted to. I was ingenuous and thought he'd eventually fall in love with me. He knew about my feelings all the time, encouraged them yet continued deceiving me.Maybe you give really good sex. Maybe he couldn't find regular sex elsewhere. Maybe he likes you enough to bang you, but not enough to have a committed relationship. Maybe because you let him. 4
CarrieT Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years who kept telling me to "be patient." He was waiting - and I was hoping - that his feelings might change. Eventually, when the feelings are not being reciprocated, one moves on.
casey.lives Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 stop worrying about why he did what he did. It's because he wanted to and he could. You weren't naive: you were hustling!!! you were buying some of his time with the promise of sex to make him fall in love you. It didn't work. You win some, you loose some. But the 2 year thing... that's on you. 2
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years who kept telling me to "be patient." He was waiting - and I was hoping - that his feelings might change. Eventually, when the feelings are not being reciprocated, one moves on. What happens when the other person still wants to have sex and says all the right things so you don't realize he's deceiving you?
catlady11 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I love/loved my ex and he was honest with me and told me that he was not on the same page as me. He never lied to me and I had sex with him knowing full well how he felt. I kept telling him that it just takes time and he did give it time. I don't regret the sex with him at all. Granted, our relationship lasted almost 7 months and not 2 years. When we broke up I did have a nasty retort about how I felt used regarding sex but I was just angry and broken-hearted about things ending and he knew that. In my case I would love to fault my ex because it would be so easy to lay the blame on him but I can't...he gave me honesty and I'm the one who made the choice to ask him to give it time instead of walking away. My eyes were wide open and I have no one to blame but myself. I enjoyed the sex with him immensely (from things he said I know he enjoyed it too) and I miss it.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years who kept telling me to "be patient." He was waiting - and I was hoping - that his feelings might change. Eventually, when the feelings are not being reciprocated, one moves on. when you were able to move on?
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I love/loved my ex and he was honest with me and told me that he was not on the same page as me. He never lied to me and I had sex with him knowing full well how he felt. I kept telling him that it just takes time and he did give it time. I don't regret the sex with him at all. Granted, our relationship lasted almost 7 months and not 2 years. When we broke up I did have a nasty retort about how I felt used regarding sex but I was just angry and broken-hearted about things ending and he knew that. In my case I would love to fault my ex because it would be so easy to lay the blame on him but I can't...he gave me honesty and I'm the one who made the choice to ask him to give it time instead of walking away. My eyes were wide open and I have no one to blame but myself. I enjoyed the sex with him immensely (from things he said I know he enjoyed it too) and I miss it. He also told me he was not in love with me and offered me to have sex and text and go out sometime. I guess it was not his fault, then?
catlady11 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 "He also told me he was not in love with me and offered me to have sex and text and go out sometime. I guess it was not his fault, then" He was honest with you and told you his feelings. How can his feelings be his fault? I know it hurts, believe me. It's not fair when you give so much of yourself to someone and the feelings aren't reciprocated. It sucks. My ex would feel some anxiety because he wasn't on the same page as me; I'd tell him to stop worrying because I was content with the way things were and it didn't bother me that he wasn't in love with me because I was sure (so unbelievably sure mind you) that it would happen with time. I truly was content too, no lie. But he ended it and I'm here missing him more than ever.
mightycpa Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 He also told me he was not in love with me and offered me to have sex and text and go out sometime. I guess it was not his fault, then?Doesn't sound like it, does it? 2
casey.lives Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) people say i love you at the drop of a hat; people say i don't love you at the drop of a hat.. you're the only who can be accountable. Having had an experience like yours a long long time ago, i can take responsibility for being overly optimistic and overly protective of the inadequacies of the actual relationship. i thought it was love and then i went into another relationship which convinced me without a doubt that the new guy was my awaited love.. and my ex was seriously not. i never looked back. when you can't tell the difference.. it is hard on a young person. being young is, afterall, for making mistakes. love has the element of respect including self respect Edited August 15, 2015 by casey.lives 2
Qboro90 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 You're basically trying to asking him why he wasn't more responsible for your own insecurities and choices. He would've stopped having sex with you if you stopped letting him. Telling him that you can only be intimidate with someone who you are dating and committed too would've solved that. It's not his fault you were naive. You control how you are treated and what you'll tolerate so the better question is why did you stay with him so long knowing full well that he wasn't truthfully at the same emotional stage you were?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Instead of asking him why he took something you freely gave, you should ask yourself why you stayed with it in the first place. It's not his job to protect you from yourself. 3
ravfour4 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 To answer your question, because he's an ass who wasn't a respectful person. Instead of realizing this situation would only hurt you (or perhaps he was emotionally an idiot and was unaware you had these strong feelings, but that's doubtful) he continued on with it because it was a good situation for him. He got your love, attention and pleasure. Who doesn't like those 3 things? A respectful man would have walked away realizing he didn't feel the same about you and would only hurt you. He probably has his own issues, don't worry about him, just push forward and find someone who feels the same about you. He was either an ass or an oblivious idiot, neither are something you want.
candie13 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 it's about healthy boundaries. the moment you realize that the other person is not giving you what you need - emotionally, socially, sexually - you should leave. unfortunately, I do agree with the other posters, this is not about him, it is about you. And you want to know something else? It gets even more complicated, later on. They may want to stay with you, have a RS with you, be exclusive and all... and yet still not be willing to fully commit to you - marriage and / or children. The only way out of dead end situations like these and the only way to avoid wasting even more time is to be extremely aware of what it is that you want and always assess the situation. Talk to him, understand where he's at. And if you don't have your needs fulfilled, don't walk, run. Like Casey put it before, when a guy loves you, when it's for real, you feel it in your bones, you know it. Until then, start doing the hard work: think really hard: what do you really want? And once you've understood what you want - an exclusive RS, an exclusive RS and children, and exclusive RS, marriage and children, etc - do not settle until you get that. That means crossing a lot of "good enough men" from your list who aren't quite ready to give you what you want. Tough job, but someone's gotta do it .
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