Mischa101 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 If you let them, it proves you are lower than them. If this happens, how do you come back up? How do you stop this persons power trip?
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Why do you want to be with someone that puts you down? A good boyfriend or girlfriend will elevate you, respect you and look up to you. 2
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I have read your other thread. Stay away from that man. Block him, do not talk to him or interact with him in anyway. If you are at school warn the direction about his bullying. If he does not leave you alone go to the police, bullying is taken very seriously. This is not a game for you. If you let your bully get to you you will descent more and more in your depression. Also, alert your family about this man. 2
kendahke Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 If you let them, it proves you are lower than them. If this happens, how do you come back up? How do you stop this persons power trip? by not being with them 3
Author Mischa101 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I have read your other thread. Stay away from that man. Block him, do not talk to him or interact with him in anyway. If you are at school warn the direction about his bullying. If he does not leave you alone go to the police, bullying is taken very seriously. This is not a game for you. If you let your bully get to you you will descent more and more in your depression. Also, alert your family about this man. Thank you. It's over actually. This happened when I was 1000+ miles away from home. He was trying to get me to feel small so that I would allow the degradation. It has taken me a long time to undo the manipulations in my head.
scooby-philly Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 I too read your other posting and I'm sorry for what you went through. It doesn't speak well of my gender. Don't get me wrong I hate man bashing articles, and anything else that creates, reinforces, and perpetuates stereotypes. That said, it does seem he was forcing you into that situation. Listen, about this post in and of itself.... You will find a lot of people, different sizes, shapes, backgrounds, economic levels, religions, colors, etc. that either need control or who need to be controlled. I work in HR and training and I constantly laugh when I hear people talk about business without talking about people. We're all a bag of mixed emotions, experiences, and each person, to my reply's title, acts different in each unique situation they find themselves. For example, people may find it shocking to know I have anger issues. But, my anger comes out because I don't stand up for myself day in an day out and the two serious relationships I've had have been with women who weren't exactly interested in real, healthy relationships. I mean, I was a hs teacher and missionary for 6 years and the crazy woman i dumped 6 weeks ago after a year called me controlling, money focused, and all kinds of other things that no one would ever call me? Why? Cause I finally stood up for myself and had enough courage to say you can't treat me like crap, do whatever you want whenever you want it, etc. Of course, I felt like crap and questioned myself, but friends and family were there to support me. In your case you can't let this incident stop you from enjoying dating, enjoying a good time, or enjoying physical contact. Lean on your family and friends. Situations like these help you understand who your true friends are - people we really care about will take the time for us. Share as much about what happened with each person as you feel comfortable.People will help you validate your worth, etc. That's why it's important to always see people in multiple contexts and also why it's important to compare what one does in private versus what one does public and vice versa. 1
Author Mischa101 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 I had told him I was vulnerable and he seemed sympathetic, but I'm not sure how he was courting me was right. So I tried to distance myself. And then the bar...
madjac74 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 I don't know your personal story but your topic can be so much more than dating related...It is life related. work, friends, kids...
Author Mischa101 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) I don't know your personal story but your topic can be so much more than dating related...It is life related. work, friends, kids... Yes that's true Edited August 16, 2015 by Mischa101 Na
Author Mischa101 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 How to not take this personally? It's an attack on your self worth
BlueIris Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 It may be an attempt at that. But your self worth comes from you, and rejecting people and situations that are negative is an affirmation of your self worth. Congratulations for ridding your life of such negativity. 2
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 How to not take this personally? It's an attack on your self worth Ask yourself who these attacks are coming from - do these people have any value in your life? No, therefore their opinion of you does not matter. 1
Author Mischa101 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Gaeta, but I have already allowed someone to devalue me. That shows I'm lower to myself and to them. I allowed it.
Author Mischa101 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 It may be an attempt at that. But your self worth comes from you, and rejecting people and situations that are negative is an affirmation of your self worth. Congratulations for ridding your life of such negativity. I did not do that.
Gaeta Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Gaeta, but I have already allowed someone to devalue me. That shows I'm lower to myself and to them. I allowed it. Yes you did, and now you recognize where it went wrong and next time when someone will try to devalue you again you will see it faster and you'll be able to stop it faster. I've let people devalue me before and I did not even know what they were doing to me till I was out of the relationship. I've learn from it, I tried to do better, at times I would let it happen again then I'd catch myself and correct the situation. That's how we grow.
Author Mischa101 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 I think I feel bad because I think this is my fault. I'm the bad one.
Author Mischa101 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I think I'm wondering...if someone is successful in devaluing you, do you have to prove yourself to him?
johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 I think I'm wondering...if someone is successful in devaluing you, do you have to prove yourself to him? If a person mindlessly tosses gold into the ocean, does that say something about the value of the gold, or about the competence (or sanity) of the person throwing it away? The appropriate response is indifference. One person's opinion is meaningless. Ignore it. You couldn't prove your value to him if you wanted to;his devaluation of you isn't part of a contest one wins or loses. He's not, in fact, assessing your value at all. He's in the position of the pawn shop owner who is trying to convince a customer that their gold locket is in fact fools gold, so he can buy it more cheaply to make a profit. No evidence in the world would 'convince' him it's real; he's not interested in that; he's just arguing the point to get something out of it. 1
Author Mischa101 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 If a person mindlessly tosses gold into the ocean, does that say something about the value of the gold, or about the competence (or sanity) of the person throwing it away? The appropriate response is indifference. One person's opinion is meaningless. Ignore it. You couldn't prove your value to him if you wanted to;his devaluation of you isn't part of a contest one wins or loses. He's not, in fact, assessing your value at all. He's in the position of the pawn shop owner who is trying to convince a customer that their gold locket is in fact fools gold, so he can buy it more cheaply to make a profit. No evidence in the world would 'convince' him it's real; he's not interested in that; he's just arguing the point to get something out of it. My gosh I love your analogy. Please read my thread about what happened here. I've had so many issues getting over this.
johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Posted August 23, 2015 My gosh I love your analogy. Please read my thread about what happened here. I've had so many issues getting over this. I'm glad you liked it. What was the title of that thread? 1
Author Mischa101 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 I'm glad you liked it. What was the title of that thread? "What happened here"
Author Mischa101 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it! Edited August 23, 2015 by Mischa101
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