when does nc end?

[nn]

when is nc over?

 

it's almost two years since we broke up. we were together for a year and half. six months into it, she cheated.

at the end we almost broke up once or twice, before the actual deed. when it did happen, a week later later she was dating a co-worker. six months later she was engaged and a little over a year after we broke up she got married to him.

 

for a month or two after the breakup, we talked, if you really could call that talking. it was the usual, how could you do this, what was wrong, etc... she said she still was in love with me even after she started sleeping with him.

everything came to a head one day, and i asked her to marry me. of course, she said no. the only thing i said was i wanted to hear from her instead of thru the mutual connections grapevine, if she was getting married.

 

4 or 5 months later, she called to tell me they had gotten engaged and the wedding was later in the summer.

i told her i really didn't want to see her or communicate with her until after she got married. pretty much no contact. i saw her a few times a month before her wedding date in the city, ignored her, even when she came up to me in club and said can't we even talk now? a week before she got married, she called to 'warn' me she would be going someplace i frequented. i called her back and told her i was out of town anyway. it was a difficult phone call. when i got back in town, i emailed her that i couldn't talk with her still and if it ever did it would be in a few years.

 

 

so far there has been no contact on either of our parts. i've never ask anyone how she's doing, etc... for the most part, i like it this way. i've moved on for sure, but i havn't fallen in love again yet. yea i was crazy madly in love with this woman. basically the life we talked about having ended up happening for her with someone else. yet for the most part, i say i'm glad it's worked out for her.

 

recently a friend did an email invite where i saw she was invited. last year when this happened, i just didn't go a party. somehow it seems nc is more me punishing myself at this point, like it's not worth it.

 

i don't want to be friends with her, but i don't want to go out of my way to avoid her either anymore.

 

when does nc end?

[outdated]

Dude, you are beyond this. Don't sacrifice your life for something between you and her, because there is no you and her, and there hasn't been for a long time. If the feelings are still too strong to even see her across a crowded room at a party, you need to reevaluate your priorities.

 

NC isn't the problem here- your state of mind is what's bogging you down. You have healed. Let it go, and if you see her, simply say hello and move along. You don't have to chit-chat, but don't sacrifice your social life to avoid her.

[Marshbear]

I am having the same problem with my ex. Sometimes I think I am obsessed with NC and I am missing out on some socializing. I have decided that hiding from her is silly and I am going to start living my life and if I see her, so be it. I will say hello and move on. It is a difficult question because you are so ingrained in maintaining NC that you don't want to give in but I think it is time for you and me to stop hiding from the exes.

 

Good Luck...

[BrotherAaron]

Your post is a wake-up call for me. My situation with my ex right now could be what yours was 2 months after you two broke up. I guess I should prepare myself to hear about their wedding plans 6 months from now.

 

Anyway, the relationship between you two is over. Don't punish yourself over it. It's been a long time, you can go to a party now and and not have to worry about seeing her. Hopefully, by now, she's realized that there's no reason for you two to talk, and she won't push for it. It's been long enough that you shouldn't let her be a reason that you decide to do or not to do anything.

[RecordProducer]

This is ridiculous. You broke up two years ago and she is married. If you feel like you're going to suffer if you see her then don't go. If you don't care about her then why not go there?

Personally I have lost touch with everyone I ever kissed or slept with. I don't like seeing those people and if I know that they might be sitting in a certain cafe, I don't go there. The reason is because I am sick of all of them. There is only one person who I message on holidays and of course, my ex-husband with whom I have children.

[nn]

I encountered my ex girlfriend this weekend at a dance. Definitely did a double take when I saw her and she waved at me to come over. We ended up talking a bit after I entered, catching up on the past few years. It was bittersweet and emotional for me as I always expected. I thought I was pretty decent, asking about all of her new life, listening and making the regular small talk. Afterwards, went about my business, did not pay attention to her in any way either by staring or giving her the evil eye! She came up to me before she left to tell me she was leaving, and so I gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. If I did anything really cool it was that because it was unsolicited and very geniue on my part which I'm sure she could tell.

 

The next day I was talking with a good buddy about it and he said it would be better to hear that I was 'over it' by me talking about being in the next relationship. I think that's been the rub for a while, it's easier to prove to yourself and others that things have changed, if you're with someone new, someone you've fallen for in love. The hard part is actually meeting someone new you want to be with long term. On an average, I meet perhaps 1 or 2 women a year out of 80 to 90 that I actually have any serious interest in and for several reasons, it just hasn't happened again.

 

I still do not want to be friends with her and would prefer not to see her. And it's true, I would have preferred to see her again in these random encounters after my own life has become more settled, like I've gotten married, etc... cause she did look good. That sucked. Thankfully, the reality of having to adjust to another person in marriage, part of the process which had caused so much problems with our relationship, was evident, ie her life isn't perfect. In that sense, there was some vindication for me.

 

It really is the past and I think it's better when things end badly, unless there is significant moves by both parties to want to try and communicate together, to let it go. Frankly, for most people that is having kids together... anyway, I have no desire to revisit the past at this point.