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Should you ever commit to a 'goer'? Some thoughts/questions...

mr_dave

By mr_dave
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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

Posted
Posted

As the title asks, should an average/regular guy ever commit to a sexually 'loose' woman?

 

I'm a fairly regular guy, nothing outstanding to look at, but pretty muscular, I have been described as average to a seven out of ten by women before solely on appearance. (I'll take that unsolicited appraisal)

I'm someone who saves sex for relationships - I'm 27 and have slept with three women my entire life.

Having sex with someone I've just met, or whom I wouldn't want a relationship with (and I've had it offered on a plate) wouldn't mean a thing, so I don't do it. Casual sex for the sake of it (whether it's mens' or womens' exploits) invokes a gut feeling of revulsion in me.

 

If I found out a girl I was interested in had ONSs, FWBs etc, I would find it a huge turn off and my interest would cease. Sex means a lot to me, so I would feel short changed if I were with a girl who would just let a guy at her because they were bored, or just because he was hot. If she's willing to just be a receptacle for a guy, why should I see her as more?

 

That said, much advice given in threads here states that "a woman's past is the past" etc, and that just because a woman has had a different guy every week of her adult life, she might meet me and all of a sudden change completely and want to spend the rest of her life with me to the exclusion of all other men.

I don't really buy it at all. It's something I think about quite a bit, given how 'loose' most people seem to be where I am. It says something when one of my friends from South Africa, the rape capital of the world, is shocked. "People here just have sex like animals"

 

If I am that seven I was referred to as being, added to my kindness and generosity, intelligence, and caring personality, I'm confident I will be a great boyfriend for someone. If I meet a prettyish/cute girl with similar character traits, I'll consider myself very fortunate.

 

Here's where the problem comes. If a guy sleeps around, he usually has to be willing to lower his standards to guarantee getting his end away, men sleep down, so as a result, women sleep up.

If a woman (say my theoretical 7/10 equal) has a casual sex history, it'll consist of sex with 8,9 and 10/10 guys. So whilst I will feel grateful to meet that girl who is cute and nice, she'll feel like she's downgrading or that she could do better.

 

I've seen this with a close family friend of my ex girlfriend. He was a really lovely guy, decent looking, married a woman who was 'a bit of a goer' in her youth. She is nothing to write home about in terms of looks or personality - she should have considered herself lucky I guess. She cheated on him early in their courtship, he never found out. They got married, had children, he was a great Dad. His wife would confide in my ex-GF's mum about how secretly unhappy she was. Cheated repeatedly during their twenty years of marriage, never got found out. Then he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. When he was weeks from dying and she was looking after him, she confided in my ex'GF's mum "It's taken him being on his deathbed, but perhaps I do love him after all?"

So the poor guy unknowingly led a sham of a marriage, and seemingly never got to experience having a truly loving partner. All because he chose such a woman.

 

What are your thoughts? Any success stories from women who have gotten around extensively, but got married to a decent guy, felt incredibly fortunate, and never looked at another man in 20+ years? :laugh:

mrldii Established Member

mrldii

Posted
Posted

None of the four men with whom I've had a serious LTR (2 of them even married me) had no problem with being with this "loose woman". I had no problems remaining faithful to and with them, for as long as 10+ years, even.

 

I suspect I'll find one or two [handfuls/dozens/hundred] more men who are A-OK with it, before I die. ;)

  • Like 2
loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
Posted

Bring em on!

 

Same response as every time someone brings this up:

 

I want a girl who knows what she's doing sexually.

 

Bring on the "loose women". :lmao:

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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Bring em on!

 

Same response as every time someone brings this up:

 

I want a girl who knows what she's doing sexually.

 

Bring on the "loose women". :lmao:

 

Fill your boots!

 

I would rather be with a woman that's had a few boyfriends, and maybe had sex with them thousands of times each, than with a woman who has had one-offs with 50+ guys. Why should a woman be worse at sex, just because she has a lower number?

The thread is more orientated towards long term compatibility, I'm not really interested in casual hookups.

deadelvis Established Member

deadelvis

Posted
Posted

In my experience it's actually women who have less notches in their headboard who tend to stray because they feel they might be missing out on something. Once a woman's had a couple dozen ONS's a handful of FWB's and a handful of failed boyfriends they have a pretty good idea of whats out there and they are much more ready to seriously commit. However use caution if a woman is around the 100+ range because she may have nympho/sex addict tendencies. I think your best bet is a woman with about 20-40 "body count" depending on how old she is. Just enough to feel like she's not missing out on something, but a low enough number that you know she's not a potential sex addict/cheater

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road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

Many women have high numbers when young and single. Though when they married they never stepped out again.

 

 

Many women have been virgins, married, then cheated.

 

 

So that number is no guarantee of future behavior.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though the one number that is important is did they cheat in previous relationships. That past behavior is a good indicator of their future behavior.

deadelvis Established Member

deadelvis

Posted
Posted
...Though the one number that is important is did they cheat in previous relationships. That past behavior is a good indicator of their future behavior.

 

I actually don't even think that's true. Every situation is different. If someone cheated on all their boyfriends then yes, I would be worried. But if they cheated on someone (especially if it was a bad relationship) in the past it doesn't necessarily mean they will cheat again.

loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
Posted
Fill your boots!

 

I would rather be with a woman that's had a few boyfriends, and maybe had sex with them thousands of times each, than with a woman who has had one-offs with 50+ guys. Why should a woman be worse at sex, just because she has a lower number?

The thread is more orientated towards long term compatibility, I'm not really interested in casual hookups.

 

I'm talking about a relationship.

 

I want someone who knows what they are doing.

 

Do I really have to explain to you why a girl who has hooked up with 50 guys 2x each will be better in bed than one who has hooked up with one guy 100 times? :D

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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

Posted
  • Author
Posted
In my experience it's actually women who have less notches in their headboard who tend to stray because they feel they might be missing out on something. Once a woman's had a couple dozen ONS's a handful of FWB's and a handful of failed boyfriends they have a pretty good idea of whats out there and they are much more ready to seriously commit. However use caution if a woman is around the 100+ range because she may have nympho/sex addict tendencies. I think your best bet is a woman with about 20-40 "body count" depending on how old she is. Just enough to feel like she's not missing out on something, but a low enough number that you know she's not a potential sex addict/cheater

 

Yeah I wouldn't want someone who felt like she had missed out. At the same time, I don't feel like I've missed out, and my number is three. 20-40 seems astronomical!

 

I actually don't even think that's true. Every situation is different. If someone cheated on all their boyfriends then yes, I would be worried. But if they cheated on someone (especially if it was a bad relationship) in the past it doesn't necessarily mean they will cheat again.

 

I think it takes a special kind of person to cheat, to let a guy get that close, to reciprocate their advances, to betray their partner, to lie to them and sneak around... it's dastardly behaviour, if you're not happy, just end it.

mrldii Established Member

mrldii

Posted
Posted
...

Do I really have to explain to you why a girl who has hooked up with 50 guys 2x each will be better in bed than one who has hooked up with one guy 100 times? :D

 

No, you don't. Not to OP. But, I would like you to explain it. In graphic detail. Sparing no details. Over in the "Sex and Reproductive" arena.

 

Don't. Leave. Out. Any. Thing. :love:

 

 

:laugh:

  • Like 2
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
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Well... the issue is not that you two are incompatible when it comes to values - which is really important. The issue is that you are judging her and judging yourself based on those judgements.

 

Basically, the mere fact that you feel this strongly about sex should make you seek like-minded individuals. The rest of the world - how they do it, why they do it etc - shouldn't really matter to you.

 

I'm... the sort of chick to keep my legs crossed. A guy who has 2-3 sex friends and loads of ONS will simply not be able to appreciate me, because sex is important to me. It's about intimacy, selection, emotion... very different criteria compared to him. Now, a regular dude, who has his options when it comes to sex, but isn't dead bound on sleeping with every girl he meets, I wouldn't judge him.

 

I know I wouldn't be compatible with a sexually promiscuous dude - liking it and enjoying it. But that is not because I'm a 8 or a 9 and he simply gets to sleep with everyone, from a 5 to a 10. It's because of how I relate to people. How I interact. What's important to me and what I wish to be important to my partner. In the end, that's what will keep 2 people together - a shared, common system of values.

 

To each their own.

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mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm talking about a relationship.

 

I want someone who knows what they are doing.

 

Do I really have to explain to you why a girl who has hooked up with 50 guys 2x each will be better in bed than one who has hooked up with one guy 100 times? :D

 

Please do! :)

Doesn't say much for her skills if she doesn't have many repeat customers.

The first time is invariably awkward, subsequent encounters get progressively better/ more experimental don't they, especially with an increasing emotional bond?

Unless your prefer porn sex with women who'll let you in everywhere, maybe to poop on them the first time you sleep together?

Each to their own. :)

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

If it bothers you, then you probably shouldn't for your own good. It will cause you unnecessary pain as it's not something you'll ever be comfortable with.

 

Personally, I wouldn't draw any conclusions from it. I've had little sexual activity, but they've all been FWB and even if I cared about that kind of thing, I'd wish not to be a hypocrite where matters of the heart are concerned.

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RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted

As a female that does very much enjoy casual sex (and no, I am not just a "receptacle") I would advise AGAINST getting involved with woman who have very different views on the importance of sex (for me its gratification, for you its emotional / physical tie).

 

Yes, thats "her past" but do you really want to be with someone who has views / carried out behaviors that disgust you?

 

And if sex has a really high importance to you - something you save and cherish.... understanding someone that doesn't have the same point of view would probably be pretty difficult.

 

And as for suppressing it - I thought I was miss perfect and kept it in my pants for 14 years... until a HOT guy, and the perfect situation arose - and yeah, I had a chance for some good ol' unattached sex, and jumped on it.

 

Being monogamous would be much easier if I did not have these desires / tenancies.

  • Like 3
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted
In my experience it's actually women who have less notches in their headboard who tend to stray because they feel they might be missing out on something. Once a woman's had a couple dozen ONS's a handful of FWB's and a handful of failed boyfriends they have a pretty good idea of whats out there and they are much more ready to seriously commit. However use caution if a woman is around the 100+ range because she may have nympho/sex addict tendencies. I think your best bet is a woman with about 20-40 "body count" depending on how old she is. Just enough to feel like she's not missing out on something, but a low enough number that you know she's not a potential sex addict/cheater

 

yeah... assuming someone starts having sex in their 20 and has two partners per year, they will will get to 20 partners in their 30. And that's just mathematics and not necessarily good or bad. Some will stick to one guy for a year or two. Then they will want to get over that guy and maybe grieve and go out more and sleep with 3 or 4 the following year. I think 2 partners per year is a decent average for a good looking person. Keeping in mind one cannot be in a RS all the bloody time yet not fully give up on their sex life...

 

yeah, the above post makes sense to me.

SolG Established Member

SolG

Posted
Posted
Here's where the problem comes. If a guy sleeps around, he usually has to be willing to lower his standards to guarantee getting his end away, men sleep down, so as a result, women sleep up.

If a woman (say my theoretical 7/10 equal) has a casual sex history, it'll consist of sex with 8,9 and 10/10 guys. So whilst I will feel grateful to meet that girl who is cute and nice, she'll feel like she's downgrading or that she could do better.

 

Here's how the scoring thing in terms of attraction really works; for me anyway. Looks get a good grid position, they don't win the race. That guy who's a 10 in the looks department? When he shows what his sucky intentions and nature are he becomes a 2. That 7 over there (potentially you OP) who turns out to be a really great, smart, confident and fun guy; why he's now a 9.9. He's leaves Mr Look-at-me-I'm-a-10 in the pits.

 

Now I have that off my chest... Onto the 'loose' thing. I would put more weight on the values and motivation behind the behaviour than the behaviour alone. For example, there's a big difference between someone who needs sex for validation and therefore seeks it indiscriminately, and someone who has discreet casual sex for fun and release between relationships but is monogamous when committed. Or between a rinser who milks and treats conquests like dirt, and someone who treats all their lovers (casual or otherwise) with kindness and respect.

 

But at the end of the day OP, no one can tell you what you need in a partner. If you need low numbers.... Low numbers it is!

  • Like 3
jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

Posted
Posted

Dave not a whole lot of women sleep with a different guy every week or month. I've known a couple, but most gals are in relationships, I think like 80% of people. I have a hard time believing you live in an area where everybody's screwing everybody.

 

As for a having a relationship with a promiscuous women, hell no. Yes I do think they'll either chest on you or leave you when for someone else.

 

You're asking this question on LS, this is home of the cheaters and cheated on. Have you read the OM/OW section? There's your answer, but again not too many women are like that.

 

You're gonna get all kinds of men and women who tell you the past is the past. Take it with a grain of salt. Also, have you read what they say about men who use prostitutes? Yeah, the past is the past only applies to women.

  • Like 1
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Please do! :)

Doesn't say much for her skills if she doesn't have many repeat customers.

The first time is invariably awkward, subsequent encounters get progressively better/ more experimental don't they, especially with an increasing emotional bond?

Unless your prefer porn sex with women who'll let you in everywhere, maybe to poop on them the first time you sleep together?

Each to their own. :)

 

This is a bit of a misnomer as it assumes the objective is to have repeat performances, when more likely for ppl who do that, the objective is just to try a lot of different flavors.

 

It's also not necessarily true that first times are crappy/awkward. Plenty of ppl get all the satisfaction they need from the one and only time before the next one. ;)

  • Like 5
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

It is less about numbers and more about a woman's attitude and mentality towards relationships. That being said you have the right to your standards.

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Heatherknows Established Member

Heatherknows

Posted
Posted
Yeah I wouldn't want someone who felt like she had missed out. At the same time, I don't feel like I've missed out, and my number is three. 20-40 seems astronomical!

 

I think there is something a bit scary about a woman who has had intercourse with 20 men unless she's 65 and never been married. I've dated lots of men when I was single and only slept with a handful. I never slept with anyone who wasn't head over heels into me. Why would I?

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
I think there is something a bit scary about a woman who has had intercourse with 20 men unless she's 65 and never been married. I've dated lots of men when I was single and only slept with a handful. I never slept with anyone who wasn't head over heels into me. Why would I?

 

Different strokes. (lolz punz. ;))

 

We've had this discussion before but the values and reactions are relative - some ppl may think 20 is a very big number, others may think it's rather small. Everyone's opinion is valid to them as far as that goes. :)

 

(btw I liked your real av ....looked familiar too. :cool:)

  • Like 2
Heatherknows Established Member

Heatherknows

Posted
Posted
Different strokes. (lolz punz. ;))

 

We've had this discussion before but the values and reactions are relative - some ppl may think 20 is a very big number, others may think it's rather small. Everyone's opinion is valid to them as far as that goes. :)

 

(btw I liked your real av ....looked familiar too. :cool:)

 

Shhh......you're correct...our secret. :D

 

(Tell ya the sorted mess when I get PM privileges.)

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