dkgwillow Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) We all have our long sad stories, so I'll keep mine as brief as possible. I met Ken 26 months ago on a dating site. Due to distance we only talked for 5 months, during which I was dating and even entered a brief relationship. He knew this, but we had a good friendship, so we stayed in touch. When that relationship ended he decided it was time to drive the 4 hours to meet me, and we've been together ever since. Within a month of our first meeting, with us taking turns traveling on weekends to see each other, he asked if I would be willing to move to his town, where I wanted to live anyway. He offered a place to stay as I looked for work and as we continued to explore our possibilities. I know there's no such thing as a perfect man or relationship, but this was as close as it gets. For 20 months we lived together, rarely disagreed, and never fought. I grew to love him and he to love me. He bought a new house, the "beginning of our future together" and we set about making it our home, that was just 3 months ago. Last month he began to act distant. I asked if there was something wrong, but he denied it. He continued behaving differently, but I thought it was the stress of the move, the expense of purchasing things for the new house, etc and would pass. Last weekend he coldly and abruptly said he wanted out of our relationship. He says he cares for me, won't say he doesn't love me, acts and says he's sad, but won't change his mind. I'm devastated and confused. It came out of nowhere and I can't wrap my mind around it since nothing led up to it. I'd love to hear some thoughts, advice, maybe an idea of what I do next. He wants to be friends, but I'm afraid that will keep me in limbo. I don't want him as a friend, I want the future we talked about! Edited August 14, 2015 by dkgwillow
jen1447 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 For starters I'd put your foot down and ask him for an explanation. You deserve that much, and he owes it to you. Sorry this happened hon, hugs.
pidgeon1010 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Both of you rushed into the relationship and moved too fast and now what you're experiencing is the cool-off after the "honeymoon" is over and he now probably realizes it was a little too much too soon. You moved in with him after only one month of dating, and to another town to boot. This is not to say that all relationships that move at lightening speed do not work out for the long-term; but the odds were not in your favor. There is nothing you can do at this point. He may be overwhelmed by everything and giving him space may lead him back to you but I wouldn't put my life on hold for that. A dumper can say he/she loves you, cry, tell you how terrible they feel about leaving you but the only thing you should concentrate on is the fact that this is a choice they made and they obviously would rather go through the emotions than be with you. I don't advocate friendship after a relationship because it's usually not mutual- one person wants more and hopes staying in contact will help (and it doesn't) and the other just wants to be buddy-buddy usually to assuage any guilt they may feel. You are clearly not over him. Are you willing to be just "friends" with no expectations? All that does is to delay your healing and as you have recognized, it will leave you limbo where you hold out hope that he will come to his senses and realize what he gave up. Give him what he wants: a break up. 1
Author dkgwillow Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 I agree things moved too fast, and believe me, I brought up all my concerns about that in the beginning since I've had relationships fall apart for that very reason. He did all he could to convince me we would take it at my pace, but that was not what happened. He was telling me he loved me so fast and made me feel it was the gospel, and I believed it. What I didn't say in my first post was that one year into our relationship he broke up with me out of nowhere saying he didn't love me as much as he thought he did. I did the usual crying and pleading, but after a few days accepted it and started packing to leave. Once he saw I was moving on he cried and pleaded for another chance saying he'd gone temporarily insane from fear and couldn't lose me, swearing it would never happen again. Things for the next 7 months were even better than they'd been before. He regained my trust and that was when we started looking for a house that would be our home instead of the one I'd moved into with him. After a month in this house he began being distant, and then the break up after a month of me wondering what the problem was. He never talked about anything, he just made up his mind and that was that. I asked if he'd stopped loving me, but he won't say yes or no, he won't say anything, just it's over. I'm stuck here for another week as I pack and prepare to move. We also have to separate our belongings since I've purchased a lot of things on my own, and we've purchased many things together (each paying half) for this place. It's just odd to me that he went from telling me he loves me all the time, even the night before the break up to this cold indifferent person I don't know. I know it's over, and no, of course I'm not over him...when I said forever I meant it, he didn't. I have good moments and bad. I can be indifferent for a time, but then I get emotional and demand an explanation of why he tore our lives apart, but none comes. I've been hateful and said things I don't mean to try and get him to show some emotion, but he is an iceberg. I know I deserve better than this, I'm just reeling from how sudden and unexpected it was.
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