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How could my ex move on so fast when I'm still completely heartbroken?

xoxoheather

By xoxoheather
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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xoxoheather Member

xoxoheather

Posted
Posted

Hello everyone, I am new to this site. I came here for some input on the situation I am currently in. I recently found out my ex is seeing a new girl and I am even more heartbroken than when we first broke up. I just don't understand how he could just replace me like that. Here is some background on the situation.

 

We were each others firsts loves and had a lot of adventures over the 2.5 years we were together. We loved each other very much and truly had a special relationship. Despite this, something inside of me kept telling me he wasn't "the one" even though he wanted to be together forever. On top of this, he didn't have a job or a car for about a year during our relationship which really started to bug me. He just wasn't putting in the effort I was expecting when I did everything for him. I was also very depressed and insecure so I thought I needed time to work on myself. It all started to build up and I ended up breaking up with him out of the blue. I thought I was saving myself heartache in the long run, but I had no idea I would be so heartbroken. It made me realize I loved him more than I thought. I missed him so much I asked for him back after a week. He gave me another chance and we acted like a couple again right away for about a month. It seemed like he wanted us to work out. He told me he wanted us to be happy together again.

 

Then he left for the summer for drum corps like he does every summer. But within two weeks of him being gone he was pulling away. I even came down and visited him and he just treated me like I was a pain in the ass. He then told me he wasn't sure what he wanted, even after I begged and pleaded for him back. I have never been so desperate. That was the last I heard from him.

 

It's been two months no contact. He's back in town with a new girl he met over summer who doesn't even live here and is the exact opposite of me. From what they have been posting it seems like they are already serious. I just don't understand how he could move on so quickly? I am having the hardest time letting go of him and it seems like he doesn't even miss me. I just don't understand how he could be so happy all of a sudden when I'm completely broken. All of his posts on FB over the summer made it seem like he was having the absolute time of his life, like nothing even happened. I just can't comprehend how he found another girl, just like that. How could he be over me so quickly?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

This new girl may be a rebound for your BF. But even if she's his true love, it has no bearing on you. Your relationship with him is over. Stop paying attention to him & focus on your healing. Block him. Ask your friends not to update you about him.

  • Like 3
Adametokillfor New Member

Adametokillfor

Posted
Posted

I agree. You already told yourself he isn't the one for you. You cannot go back on that. What he is doing has nothing to do with you, even though it feels like it. It sucks that he moved on first, but that is generally the way men operate. It does not mean he is not hurting. We don't know what he is thinking. What we do know is you need to continue on healing...Good luck!

  • Like 1
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted
Hello everyone, I am new to this site. I came here for some input on the situation I am currently in. I recently found out my ex is seeing a new girl and I am even more heartbroken than when we first broke up. I just don't understand how he could just replace me like that. Here is some background on the situation.

 

We were each others firsts loves and had a lot of adventures over the 2.5 years we were together. We loved each other very much and truly had a special relationship. Despite this, something inside of me kept telling me he wasn't "the one" even though he wanted to be together forever. On top of this, he didn't have a job or a car for about a year during our relationship which really started to bug me. He just wasn't putting in the effort I was expecting when I did everything for him. I was also very depressed and insecure so I thought I needed time to work on myself. It all started to build up and I ended up breaking up with him out of the blue. I thought I was saving myself heartache in the long run, but I had no idea I would be so heartbroken. It made me realize I loved him more than I thought. I missed him so much I asked for him back after a week. He gave me another chance and we acted like a couple again right away for about a month. It seemed like he wanted us to work out. He told me he wanted us to be happy together again.

 

Then he left for the summer for drum corps like he does every summer. But within two weeks of him being gone he was pulling away. I even came down and visited him and he just treated me like I was a pain in the ass. He then told me he wasn't sure what he wanted, even after I begged and pleaded for him back. I have never been so desperate. That was the last I heard from him.

 

It's been two months no contact. He's back in town with a new girl he met over summer who doesn't even live here and is the exact opposite of me. From what they have been posting it seems like they are already serious. I just don't understand how he could move on so quickly? I am having the hardest time letting go of him and it seems like he doesn't even miss me. I just don't understand how he could be so happy all of a sudden when I'm completely broken. All of his posts on FB over the summer made it seem like he was having the absolute time of his life, like nothing even happened. I just can't comprehend how he found another girl, just like that. How could he be over me so quickly?

 

 

Here's what I think. You guys were each others "firsts" and it ran it's course. You tired of him, dumped him then got insecure and lonely and went back. He then realized that he probably wasn't feeling it with you anymore. So, he dumped you to explore other opportunities and get more life/girl experience. You begging/pleading and crying for him not to dump him only turned him off further.

 

 

So, he then went off to where ever, met someone new and is enjoying all this new girls attention. Personally, at your ages, I don't think he's rebounding or moved on too quickly at all. That's what kids do at that age.

What's held you back from doing the same? Why are you upset about this now when you had dumped him not so long ago?

 

 

You need to STOP spying on his social media and getting updated by others who know him. BLOCK him on everything so you don't see what he's up too. It's really none of you business as he's NOT your BF any longer.

 

 

You need to step back, breathe and think about this rationally. You're not really upset that you're not with him anymore. You just fell rejected now and are upset that he moved on with his life faster than you have. R/S burn out quickly at young ages. They run their course.

 

 

You're young. Go out and have some fun. Tear it up. You need to go sow your oats and get more life experiences too. The sooner you stop dwelling on this, stay NC (good job) and stop stalking him on social media, the quicker you'll feel better. :)

  • Like 2
Gus Grimly Established Member

Gus Grimly

Posted
Posted
Here's what I think. You guys were each others "firsts" and it ran it's course. You tired of him, dumped him then got insecure and lonely and went back. He then realized that he probably wasn't feeling it with you anymore. So, he dumped you to explore other opportunities and get more life/girl experience. You begging/pleading and crying for him not to dump him only turned him off further.

Oh man, you nailed it into the ground. This is most likely exactly how it played out because it happens so often. You don't really love him, you were in love with the relationship. If you truly are in love someone you're not just gonna dump them out of the blue. That initial breakup probably caught him off guard and also got him thinking about things, like aloneinaz pointed out.

 

It's normal to feel like you made a big mistake, but you were not happy with him. Once he was out of your life you panicked because you no longer had your relationship 'fix'. You were missing the connection of another person, someone you could talk to and do things with. Totally normal. Once he moved on and found someone else you felt the pain of rejection and your ego was bruised. Again normal in these situations.

 

Hey, we all have done similar things. I've done the exact same thing. Broke up with a girl, she started dating and I came running back to her. But in the end I realized I came running back to the same situation I had left. It's a learning experience. He wasn't right for you and he probably realized it as well.

  • Like 2
Seeker12 Established Member

Seeker12

Posted
Posted (edited)

xoxoheather, i can honestly say i was in your position around this time last year, give or take 1-2months. Had just mutually broken up (slightly different to your situation as external factors influenced my break up), but was heartbroken (here is where its relevant) and hurting and was one month out of contact until she came back with someone else in the picture which tore my heart even more.

 

She had moved on, nothing i said would make a difference, it was a concious decision of hers not to return, after that i put myself through the torment for another 3-4 months of trying to be friends and watching her not want to come back and falling for another person whilst using me as an emotional crutch until she was ready to detach completely. I watched myself hit the lowest I have been emotionally in my whole life.

 

I have been there and felt exactly what you are feeling and probably at the same time last year just as you are feeling it now.

 

The only thing that worked and will work will be strict no contact, focus on yourself, leave the relationship behind, cut out whatsapp, delete block.

If you remember your boyfriends number, whenever it tries to pop into your head learn a new number, your mums, your sisters, your dads, your grandmas, whoevers, just learn a new number.

 

Its easy to say and hard to do especially when youre in emotional turmoil, but trust me as someone who experienced exactly what you are experiencing its the best and only option.

 

I finished contact in December properly and finally after i couldnt take it anymore, its been 8 months of no contact and im better and actually happy to have someone new in my life, small successes and focussing on me ultimately helped, as well as complete and hardcore NC, its not even NC anymore, i just accept that she isnt coming back and wont be part of my life.

 

This is what you need to do, as your feelings of heartbreak are a mirror image of mine.

Edited by Seeker12
  • Like 3
mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted

Oh Heather,

 

 

  1. We loved each other very much and truly had a special relationship.
  2. Despite this, something inside of me kept telling me he wasn't "the one" even though he wanted to be together forever.
  3. On top of this, he didn't have a job or a car for about a year during our relationship which really started to bug me.
  4. He just wasn't putting in the effort I was expecting when I did everything for him.
  5. I was also very depressed and insecure so I thought I needed time to work on myself.
  6. It all started to build up and
  7. I ended up breaking up with him out of the blue.

Now, I want you to focus on the first and last items of that list. That doesn't make much sense, right? You loved him, he loved you and you broke up with him.

 

 

 

Now, take a look at items 2 - 6. These were the things you were unhappy about. So, it's fair to say that you loved him, but were unhappy with his behavior. Now we can see that you were so unhappy that you were willing to sacrifice your love for him in favor of your expectations for a two-way relationship.

 

 

 

What has changed now? You still love him. But, you're not exposed to the behavior, and so its importance has receded from your mind. Here is a thought experiment:

 

 

If nothing has changed, and you go back, won't items 2 - 6 reappear? Honestly, have you changed so much that these things won't bother you?

 

 

I doubt it. The bottom line is that this will be rough going for you, but knowing that you won't be satisfied with the realistic alternative, you have to stick to your guns. Right now, you are convincing yourself that what you want is not what you want.

 

 

Your heart is lying to you. You don't have to fix the relationship. You have to fix yourself.

  • Like 4
casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

Posted
Posted

he left you a long time ago..maybe you were in it, but he wasn't

  • Like 1
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xoxoheather Member

xoxoheather

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much for your answers. Its really what I needed to hear. I appreciate all of your posts. Time to block and move on!

  • Like 1
foolinlove79 Established Member

foolinlove79

Posted
Posted

I can relate. Logically we know these rs were not a good fit for us. But at the same time, and im not sure why yet, it upsets us when they move on. Who knows why. Nc really is the best thing. Its hard but you have to tell yourself that part of your life is over with this person.

Meli22 Established Member

Meli22

Posted
Posted

I was in his position before when my ex was having doubts. We both decided to break up because of it and he was begging me back a few weeks later. I decided to give things another go but ended up leaving not long after. I think I had realised he wasn't so perfect and I didn't want someone who would have doubts and not be able to speak about things. Maybe this was the case. But don't take him meeting someone else so personally. It's his way of moving on because he knows the relationship won't work. I think if you really think about it, you know it won't either.

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