deadelvis Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Then, they, too, would remember fondly their single days for the same reason. None of my four serious relationships has ever set foot in a bathroom with the intention of cleaning any part of it. I do all the domestic stuff and work full time. She has no job but I give her spending money. Not every guy is a selfish dick with some 1950's housewife fetish 1
mrldii Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I do all the domestic stuff and work full time. She has no job but I give her spending money. Not every guy is a selfish dick with some 1950's housewife fetish I have never dated - let alone been in a serious relationship - with "a selfish dick with some 1950's housewife fetish"; I simply stated that none of my four serious relationships ever cleaned a bathroom. That was a huge - and erroneous - conclusion to draw off one little statement of fact in what I presumed was intended to be a light-hearted thread and so have been treating as such. 1
deadelvis Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Spending too much time on LS will give you the impression that every relationship is full of problems and every marriage ends in infidelity. The people with happy relationships or marriages aren't looking for advice on LS or posting stories about how happy they are so it really gives a warped demographic of what relationships are like. 2
deadelvis Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I have never dated - let alone been in a serious relationship - with "a selfish dick with some 1950's housewife fetish"; I simply stated that none of my four serious relationships ever cleaned a bathroom. That was a huge - and erroneous - conclusion to draw off one little statement of fact in what I presumed was intended to be a light-hearted thread and so have been treating as such. I'm not trying to be rude, just saying that a guy who doesn't clean up after himself probably isn't the most ideal partner for a multitude of other reasons 1
LoveRefreshed Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I can only think of one: not having anyone else be able to ruin your day (since you're not emotionally attached.) Can you think of any more? Trying to make myself feel better. I spent the majority of my life single and had a 5 year relationship. 1. Your time is yours. No expectations placed on you of how and where to be. That is so much of it. Hobbies, going out, etc.. 2. Your money is yours. You can buy what you want, when you want, and face no guff if you really needed to buy that fage yogurt when AandE is on sale. 3. You can focus and improve yourself for yourself. 1
mrldii Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I'm not trying to be rude, just saying that a guy who doesn't clean up after himself probably isn't the most ideal partner for a multitude of other reasons Thank you...I'll keep this in mind in my next relationship. I'll be sure to carefully remove only my hairs from the drain and leave his...so I won't be with someone so selfish while not being someone who, also, gets left for not cleaning up after MYself. Really, it was no big deal...I was kinda there anyway clearing MY hair out of the drain. And, as I'd indicated earlier, I was under the impression this was a light-hearted thread and was treating it as such. Now that I know this here is some serious sh*t, I'll bow out of it.
deadelvis Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I feel this thread rapidly devolving into "I dated someone who did X, Y and Z which made me unhappy, so therefor it's better to be single because you don't have to deal with X, Y and Z" But it's pretty obvious that lumping all relationships into one category is an extremely narrow way of thinking. Everything listed so far with the exception of "slutting it up" has been something which should exist within a healthy relationship, not just when single. And even "slutting it up" can be part of your relationship if you prefer an open relationship. It's just disappointing to see so many generalizations about the things you give up when you choose to have a relationship. If you are feeling like you're missing out by having a partner, then you are clearly in an unhealthy relationship or at least one that doesn't suit your needs. For everything listed so far as the benefits of being single, I know numerous couples who enjoy those benefits and still have a loving partner. I'll duck out of this thread now as I feel it's extremely biased and full of generalizations that quite simply aren't true. Have fun with your cats and netflix. 2
Oregon_Dude Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I agree with a lot of deadelvis' post. I'll just say that while I always prefer to be partnered, and being in love is awesome, it can also be a big relief to not have to 'worry' about keeping someone happy... and also losing them. This in my mind is really the biggest plus of being single: no stress about another human. 3
Oregon_Dude Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Have fun with your cats and netflix.Also, this is accurate and hilarious.
hotpotato Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 BEING YOURSELF doing what you want, when you want You can start singing opera or checkin your ig at 2am 1
Maleficent Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I can only think of one: not having anyone else be able to ruin your day (since you're not emotionally attached.) Can you think of any more? Trying to make myself feel better. You will only be in a bad situation as long as you consider it a bad situation. Once you see it as a situation, it is no longer bad. The fact you are seeing a relationship partner as 'someone able to ruin your day' speaks volumes about your attitude towards relationships and isn't helping you in your quest to getting one that is stable. You are currently single. Do stuff! Get involved, volunteer, sign up for classes, go to your local health club (preferably group classes). This will not only keep you occupied, but it will also allow you to meet people, who know people. single people. When you meet someone, you can decide which activity stays (some of which will already be in common with your new SO) 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 Much much closer bonds with female friends. They basically become like a boyfriend substitute... provided they are also single. But there are lots of benefits to being in a relationship... regular sex, emotional support, someone who misses you, loves you, someone to share your ups and downs with, someone to grow and learn from, someone who push you to be the best you can be. Gee thanks. LOL You can exercise all those weird, embarrassing little personal habits you have (like picking on your face, reading goofy websites like this one, eating in bed, watching TLC, whatever your brand of personal psychosis) without exercising any restraint. YES! Okay I feel better now You will only be in a bad situation as long as you consider it a bad situation. Once you see it as a situation, it is no longer bad. The fact you are seeing a relationship partner as 'someone able to ruin your day' speaks volumes about your attitude towards relationships and isn't helping you in your quest to getting one that is stable. You are currently single. Do stuff! Get involved, volunteer, sign up for classes, go to your local health club (preferably group classes). This will not only keep you occupied, but it will also allow you to meet people, who know people. single people. When you meet someone, you can decide which activity stays (some of which will already be in common with your new SO) You're saying this assuming I am not already involved in activities or doing other things to better myself. You're also drawing a huge conclusion about my attitude towards relationships.
carhill Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Benefits of post-D singlehood: 1. Far closer bonding with male friends as we all get older and mortality creeps in. So far I've lost two since divorced. 2. Flexibility. Today I'm sitting doing nothing after a long work week. Tuesday I head to Oregon to start work on a new property I bought. No worries about my exW's social schedule or grinding my nose to the bone to support our 'lifestyle'. I can be trailer trash if I want to now. 3 Tranquility. Silence is golden. I don't even get mad when the goat guard-dog barks at me when I walk by. I talk to him now. Less stress, even when things could otherwise feel stressful. People and things aren't as important anymore. Life, living, and being healthy, that's important, and the realization is peaceful. 4. Resolution. Finishing all that relationship business of life. Great place to be. Giving love as felt and without concern about responsibility. Each person defines their own life. For some, singlehood is an indescribable horror, for others a temporary pathway, for others their destination. I've pretty much seen all of those realities, at various times in life. Good luck on your path.
oberkeat Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I feel this thread rapidly devolving into "I dated someone who did X, Y and Z which made me unhappy, so therefor it's better to be single because you don't have to deal with X, Y and Z" But it's pretty obvious that lumping all relationships into one category is an extremely narrow way of thinking. Everything listed so far with the exception of "slutting it up" has been something which should exist within a healthy relationship, not just when single. And even "slutting it up" can be part of your relationship if you prefer an open relationship. It's just disappointing to see so many generalizations about the things you give up when you choose to have a relationship. If you are feeling like you're missing out by having a partner, then you are clearly in an unhealthy relationship or at least one that doesn't suit your needs. For everything listed so far as the benefits of being single, I know numerous couples who enjoy those benefits and still have a loving partner. I'll duck out of this thread now as I feel it's extremely biased and full of generalizations that quite simply aren't true. Have fun with your cats and netflix. I think you've missed the point of the thread completely. The point is that single people can and should look for a silver lining to the fact that they haven't found someone, and that not having a gf or bf doesn't have to be a reason to throw themselves out a high window. 5
Author Hopeful30 Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) Benefits of post-D singlehood: 1. Far closer bonding with male friends as we all get older and mortality creeps in. So far I've lost two since divorced. 2. Flexibility. Today I'm sitting doing nothing after a long work week. Tuesday I head to Oregon to start work on a new property I bought. No worries about my exW's social schedule or grinding my nose to the bone to support our 'lifestyle'. I can be trailer trash if I want to now. 3 Tranquility. Silence is golden. I don't even get mad when the goat guard-dog barks at me when I walk by. I talk to him now. Less stress, even when things could otherwise feel stressful. People and things aren't as important anymore. Life, living, and being healthy, that's important, and the realization is peaceful. 4. Resolution. Finishing all that relationship business of life. Great place to be. Giving love as felt and without concern about responsibility. Each person defines their own life. For some, singlehood is an indescribable horror, for others a temporary pathway, for others their destination. I've pretty much seen all of those realities, at various times in life. Good luck on your path. What you describe isn't relationships though. I've never been in a relationship like that. I suppose it depends on who your partner is as well. Nonetheless I am single and it sucks lol relationships offer so much more you can gain from, especially when you're ready for a relationship and you've already done all the "self-discovering." As the above poster mentioned, I'm looking for silver linings, not reasons why relationships can suck. Edited August 15, 2015 by Hopeful30
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 *Do as you wish when you wish *No one to criticize your ways *No one to take the remote control away from you *******Be a slob and a slvt as much as you wish *Eat junk food without feeling his eyes on you *Spend your money in frivolous ways LOL @ *3 ....bf was away for four weeks and gotta admit I really enjoyed being a slob on days I didn't have to work. Didn't have to keep house clean, didn't wash my hair, shower, do dishes if I didn't feel like it ....it was so nice to just be sort of slovenly and lazy sometimes! I drew the line at being a slvt though ..... :bunny: 2
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I've seen plenty of girls with boyfriends who are still quite sl*tty. So that goes too lol LOL ....so true!
carhill Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 What you describe isn't relationships though. I've never been in a relationship like that. I suppose it depends on who your partner is as well. Correct, I was describing the benefits of singlehood, as I perceive them, having been on the planet 56 years and being single, being in relationships and being married. If anything, I've heard from friends that I don't hate my exW enough. OK, I don't. To me, that's moving on and enjoying being single. Same with other relationships. They're part of life's path. Nonetheless I am single and it sucks lol relationships offer so much more you can gain from, especially when you're ready for a relationship and you've already done all the "self-discovering." Yes, perfectly valid and I felt much the same way in my 30's when reproductive drive was strong and self-discovery was deemed complete, even though, IMO, it's never really complete as long as we're alive. I expect to be learning things about all manner of living until dead. Hopefully that'll be awhile yet. As the above poster mentioned, I'm looking for silver linings, not reasons why relationships can suck. Yep, and I outlined some. Each of us has our own silver linings and we often don't realize what they are until reflecting upon them later. I recall, after my exW and I split up and I was dating another lady, she asked me how I felt about marriage. I told her I liked being married and perhaps would get married again someday. That still holds true. I liked being married, overall, and I like being single, overall. If that sounds odd or incongruent, well, life can be like that sometimes. 1
SycamoreCircle Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 * When single, one already knows the answer to the question "Do these jeans make my a** look fat?"I think the preferred answer to that question has undergone a paradigm shift.
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I do all the domestic stuff and work full time. She has no job but I give her spending money. And this is something to be proud of? On it's face, this sounds quite unbalanced and dysfunctional IMO. But to each his own......
Jj66 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I like being single. I like being able to go where I want, do what I want, buy what I want, invest how I want, work the hours I want, and even **** whomever I want without having to ok it with a partner. The only thing I miss as a single person is the nagging ;-)
katiegrl Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) and even **** whomever I want without having to ok it with a partner. Wha??? You don't need to ok what with your partner? Fu*king someone else? Edited August 15, 2015 by katiegrl
Popsicle Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Yes, the peace and calm is a benefit, as is the freedom and independence. Those things are huge, but naturally there are drawbacks too, but this thread isn't about that. 1
guest569 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Yes, the freedom and independence. It's actually bliss, singledom. Do what you want when you want. Stay in your pajamas, skip a few days of leg shaving, fart whenever. 1
Jj66 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Wha??? You don't need to ok what with your partner? Fu*king someone else? Yes, f*cking. The question was about the benefits of being single, right? Not the benefit or constraints of being coupled. A single person, by definition, has no partner thus it would be logically impossible to ok that or anything else with your non-existing partner. A single person can have **** buddies. You don't have to give them power over you by elevating their status to girlfriend/boyfriend unless you want to.
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