Author aaforever Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 Hi guys, Sorry for going M.I.A. I needed time to digest everything. I appreciate everyone’s input so so much! It’s been a real learning experience. As far as an update… no contact on her end. I haven’t reached out either. I’m not going to lie, I still am surprised she hasn’t responded. I don't think it's so much part of my belief system but rather common decency especially when someone reaches out to you, takes accountability for their actions and sincerely apologizes to you. We’re still friends on Facebook, so can’t imagine I pissed her off THAT bad. Not that Facebook means anything but she’s on there a lot and she’s younger. You’d think she’d be quick to remove me. I’ve moved on but still am a bit disappointed. Especially in the way it ended. I’ve toyed with the idea of sending her flowers and asking for a second chance but at this point I feel like I’ve made so many wrong moves with her I don’t trust myself to make any more with her. Is any of this salvageable or is this thing just dead in the water?
Oregon_Dude Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Is any of this salvageable or is this thing just dead in the water?Dude. Bro. Man. Guy. Buddy. This thing is so dead, you couldn't kill it more with a nuclear bomb. It's so dead, it makes zombies look like newborns. It is so f*cking dead that Christ himself couldn't resurrect it. Stop thinking about this one. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Yeah, dude, no to the flowers. I think it's dead. To unfriend you would just be cruel and unnecessary which is why she didn't do it. Glad to hear you are doing relatively well! hang in there. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 three weeks and your'e worried things are going too slow? I think they are too fast! I think realizing a few things here based on your post: Number one: age difference it's not a biggie but you would have eight years more life experience and dating experience than she has had. Meaning, she probably expects you to initiate because she expects probably that you know more of what you are doing and because her only relationship was a year and a half and a handful of guys had used her and blown her off, she's reluctant to show " her true" feelings in fear that once she does, you'll reject her. She's probably afraid that because you've had a seven year relationship and she has only had one that has lasted a year and a half that you might even take advantage of her inexperience. I know this, because I've been in her shoes before Number two: She doesn't want sex straight away Because as soon as she gives in, it'll all become too real. She might even become attached really quickly and as soon as she does you might leave her. Going slow is a sensible thing to do anyway. Going fast can end in disaster. Whatever her reasons, go slow with her. It's actually a very mature and sensible thing to do. Number three: although you do most of the initiating that's good! I think it's always good for a guy to show he is really interested at first. She wont show how she feels at the beginning if she has been really, really hurt before and rejected. And even if she does feel butterflies, she's trying to keep it undercover. Be respectful and keep initiating. Don't expect someone who is still trying to learn how to ride a bike to suddenly get into a formula one car and race the grand prix. Guide her gently into a relationship. Go at a slower pace. She may be freaking out. Tell her that despite what she may think, you're mature enough to " handle" feelings and if she ever feels like she wants to open up, it's totally okay despite how other guys have made her feel about her opening up to them before. I'm not saying you'll have to babysit her while she's learning, but if you want to make this one work. It won't be at the pace that you're use to, it'll be at the pace that she's use to, which maybe very slow. As I say, go slow with her and don't expect to go any faster than that.
Oregon_Dude Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Daisy. You really need to read the thread.. 1
Author aaforever Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 Daisy, thank you for your advice but I already screwed it up.
Versacehottie Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Daisy, thank you for your advice but I already screwed it up. Ok, it's been enough time. You are allowed a day or two to feel bad, sad and sorry for yourself. You don't want to continue with that belief, do you? The truth is even though we were dissecting and noticed things that could be changed--they might not have helped if she really really wasn't going to go there. You just need to get your side of the game as good as it can be and it's your best chance for success and where you can look back and have no regrets. And if it doesn't work out say "we weren't meant to be/not right for each other". Even feeling like you messed up, if you can say that now it's a good first step. Change believing that you f*ck up at dating, that just increases your anxiety. I'm guessing san diego? Anyway, if so, there are a ton of beautiful girls there. Good luck
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