adrian77 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 All my life I've been told how pretty I was "you are so pretty I just can't understand why you don't have a boyfriend" I would get from coworkers, husband's of friends etc....strangers would complement on my hair, eyes and smile. Yet nobody ever asked me out, every guy I liked would like my friend. I had a guy meet me from a dating site and make an excuse to leave when they saw me. I got zero matches when I tried speed dating. I have very low self esteem. Could it be that everyone who tells me I'm attractive is just lying? I've heard it so many times you would think I would have an ego but quite the opposite since hardly any men have shown much interested (besides casual things here and there) it would mostly be "who's your friend" when I was interested in someone. I don't know if it's because I wear too much makeup? My chest is big and people don't take me seriously, or maybe it's the I struggle with 25 or 30 lbs on and off....or maybe it's just my low self esteem.
cessna Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You seem to have that magical combination of low self esteem and good looks. Please tell me you live in England? 1
angel.eyes Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Attraction is about more than just looks. It's also about personality and the ability to engage and hold another person's attention. If you're reserved and struggling with self-doubt and low self-esteem, that second component is going to be a major challenge. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 awwww, I feel bad for you. Ok first of all, I'm just going to be real 25-30 extra pounds can be viewed by some as enough to make or break their attraction to you. Plus you said it like you are not happy with it yourself so you should work on it. The reason is twofold. First obviously to lose the weight and be best you that you can be as others view you. The second reason is that working on your health and fitness and making progress is the perfect way to build self-confidence. Achieving success makes you feel good about yourself and what you have to offer. You get an immediate benefit of your mind and body reconnecting and you can make great personal growth from this headspace. There is a sense of accomplishment and you will feel more and more like the outside you and the inside you are matching up. So definitely try that. Secondly, as someone said, attraction isn't just a factor of looks; it's also personality, sense of humor and ability to flirt among other things. I'm guessing if you are being picked as the "friend", you are not good at flirting. Get some information about it and start practicing. Flirting can be practiced anywhere on just about anyone. Even people you are not interested in romantically. Make sure you are putting your best personality-wise. Be honest with yourself. On personality and ability to hold someone's interest, would you date you? And sense of humor. I know maybe you are feeling a bit of a crisis today. But the joke posted about about "do you live in england" flew right over your head. Or maybe you don't find it funny because it's somewhat at your expense. The more open and self-deprecating you can be, it shows confidence which is very very attractive. Don't take things so literally. I know some of the pretty girls who seem boring that I've encountered are sooooooo straightforward, literal and routine. That's boring. Live a little. Let us know what you are doing, any more information and happy to try to give advice/help. Good luck.
Redhead14 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 All my life I've been told how pretty I was "you are so pretty I just can't understand why you don't have a boyfriend" I would get from coworkers, husband's of friends etc....strangers would complement on my hair, eyes and smile. Yet nobody ever asked me out, every guy I liked would like my friend. I had a guy meet me from a dating site and make an excuse to leave when they saw me. I got zero matches when I tried speed dating. I have very low self esteem. Could it be that everyone who tells me I'm attractive is just lying? I've heard it so many times you would think I would have an ego but quite the opposite since hardly any men have shown much interested (besides casual things here and there) it would mostly be "who's your friend" when I was interested in someone. I don't know if it's because I wear too much makeup? My chest is big and people don't take me seriously, or maybe it's the I struggle with 25 or 30 lbs on and off....or maybe it's just my low self esteem. maybe it's just my low self esteem. -- Lack of self-esteem comes through in a number of discreet ways. The way you stand, the way you sit, the way you carry yourself in general. You can be the most physically attractive woman in the world, but if you sit hunched over with arms crossed or figiting with things on the table or bar, or don't look up when you're speaking or being spoken to, or your smile is forced, or can't look them in the eye or just glance away. If you think you wear too much make up, try wearing a little less. And, pay attention to your appearance. People with low esteem often don't spend time on choosing the right clothes that fit properly and are well put together. Choose clothing that highlights your best features. You have a large chest. Wear a tastefully low cut blouse or shirt or off the shoulder with nice jeans or a skirt. Not a short skirt. You don't want to show all your attributes at once. If you've got really nice legs, wear a short skirt and a tasteful but not revealing shirt or blouse. Accessories that are well coordinated make a woman look sharp and "smart". Little things go a long way. Choose a new hairstyle or color even. Even if you don't really like it, it will be "fresher" and it will grow out Doing these kinds of things don't really solve the problem. But they do help. When you look good and at your best, you do feel better in general and it comes across in good ways. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself well. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 It's not about how you look. There is something else going on. Are you warm? Are you flirty? The next time a trusted friend says they can't understand why you don't have a BF, ask that person if they know anyone.
GorillaTheater Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Adrian, as recently as late July you were married. How long have you been dating, or at least trying to?
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