balaversailles Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Hello there! Can you guys please help me with this? Me and this guy dated for 3 months. Everything seemed so perfect, almost too good for something that started as an awkward Tinder date. We found out that we shared the same interests and hobbies and we even went to the same college. We had great chemistry and I fell for him very quickly. 100% infatuated. After a month he told me he loved me for the first time. I was very happy back then. On the other hand, deep down inside my mind remained slightly skeptical. He was 9 years older, very extroverted and dominant (both in life and bed) while i'm more on the quiet side, but fairly independent and headstrong. I was willing to give it a try and make it work. After all, we were in love. Things were going great until the evening month ago when he took me out for a dinner with his friends. There was this couple I got along with well and his friend / flat mate / colleague in one person... yes, here we go. I immediately felt like some kind of intruder between these two and spent most of the evening chatting with the couple. I'm not gonna lie, I felt jealous. I didn't say anything mean or hurtful, i was just kind of reserved towards her. I mean come on, did you really have to show me that picture of you and my boyfriend posing in a bathroom, only wearing bathrobes? Why are you planning to spend a weekend in a countryside with her but have no such plans with me? We had an argument when we got back to my place. I didn't take it very seriously since we both were drunk and tired. Next morning he acted normal and I texted him later that day and apologized for not handling the situation well. No response. I tried contacting him few times but it just wasn't the person I used to know. Short answers, never had time to see me... I send him this final message saying 'I'm so sorry that you're avoiding me, you should have told me if there is a problem' and went into no contact. It was his birthday yesterday and I didn't say anything. It's been a month since I last saw him in person. He blocked me on facebook chat today, but still didn't unfriend me. Should I say something? Could I have hurt his ego that much? The logical part of me knows that if he wanted to be with me, he would. But I never had a real closure, so this still hurts a lot. Thanks for your advices and suggestions. Also, English is not my first language so I'm sorry for the grammar. Thank you! Edited August 14, 2015 by balaversailles
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Closure is a myth. You don't get it from the other person. You get it from yourself. Do not contact him. His disappearing act makes it perfectly clear that he picked her over you. What more do you need? The bathrobe thing was way over the top. She showed you that to mark her territory because if they haven't been more then friends, she wants to be. Let her have him. You didn't need a 3rd person in your relationship. 2
Author balaversailles Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Thanks for your honesty, it helps a lot. I'm pretty sure I will not contact him. After all I haven't in 3 weeks. What confuses me is the fact she's not an attractive woman at all. Life is strange sometimes.
aloneinaz Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I also agree with NC and avoiding him forever. He showed you his true colors and character. Be glad it was only a short 3 months before it imploded. No loss there in my opinion. Dust yourself off and try again. That's what the dating process is all about.
Karin2rinkashi Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Thanks for your honesty, it helps a lot. I'm pretty sure I will not contact him. After all I haven't in 3 weeks. What confuses me is the fact she's not an attractive woman at all. Life is strange sometimes. Forget about who is attractive or who is not. That is how it goes for guys too. Usually they leave us for a D-bag, and we say "But i am so nice than him" It is not about who is more attractive, it is about who is more wanted (from his perspective) And it was only 3 months. Life is a circle, you start with nothing and you end with nothing. He/She was just one point in your life. In mathematics, a point on a circle is called a tangent. And tangents in life are usually just dead ends. Stop focusing on them!
Author balaversailles Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Thanks, you have no idea how much this actually helps. Just what I needed to hear. God bless you.
Gus Grimly Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Closure is a myth. You don't get it from the other person. You get it from yourself. I agree. I feel getting more info on the causality of the breakup from the 'source' may grant you some sort of peace. Well, at least that's how it felt to me, perhaps I'm delusional. But ya, there will never be "closure" the best you can hope for is to find humility within and use it to give you wisdom and understanding of what you are going through. That's why this forum is so awesome, the people here have helped me see my situation from many different points of view. I'm very grateful for the support here.
Author balaversailles Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Thanks! I'm still fighting that 'you should have given me more than this' feeling but it would probably just be a waste of precious time. I'm so glad this forum exists. 1
mavendark Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Good for you. I think what you did was right! I really like your final message Don't say anything to him. I think that your closure is that he's avoiding you. That's answer for you enough. Don't chase after people who will avoid you. Nothing good is going to come out of that.
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